Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

I’m Just a Mom: Moving

MovingDayIn a little less than 3 weeks, Thing #1 and I will be moving to a new apartment across town.

Finally, after a year of being divorced, Doom-n-Gloom will no longer be living in my apartment.

I’m super duper excited!!!

However, Thing #2 is kind of creating issues.

She has decided she would like to continue living with her father.

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Life Changes

from Pinterest

from Pinterest

For the time being, my life is in a quiet, restful place.

Like the calm before the storm.

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Loverman’s Current Situation

moving-day

For the last month, Loverman has been moving his things to a storage unit about 40 minutes away. Except for a few of his most important things — his bed, his 3 vehicles that don’t work, 1 vehicle that does work, some clothes, etc… — he is totally moved out of his wife’s house.

But he has nowhere to go.

His wife‘s house no longer has power. Water has been shut off for a second time. It has been 11 months since she has made a mortgage payment. Her son has been taken away by her mother to go live with his uncle. It’s only a matter of time before the bank forecloses on her house and she has to leave.

Loverman doesn’t want to be living there when it happens, so he is sleeping in a friend’s spare bed for the time being. While he’s there, he’s using their internet to find a place to live and a second job and a place to store his 3-4 vehicles.

I don’t talk about his money much, but his checks are garnished for child support (3 kids) so he gets very little of it after everyone else has taken their pieces. That’s why I am always giving him money and trying to help him out. I would want someone to help me if I needed it, right?

Which is why he needs to get a second job. I can’t give him enough money for an apartment and he can’t live with me… Even if Doom-n-Gloom wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be able to live with Loverman, not until Thing #2 has graduated from high school in two years. I joke about how he could come over and sneak up into my loft and sleep there all day. No one would notice…

I have been thinking about this a lot recently along with sorting out what I really want and trying to get my life in order. I have tossed around the idea of putting a down payment on a trailer home or condo or something for him/us. It would be in both of our names and he would make the monthly payments. I’m not planning on moving in with him or anything, at least not right now. But I would have something to fall back on when I finally do split from the husband.

Or, I’d have a rental property if things don’t work out.

But all of that depends on whether or not I get a bonus at the end of this year, and how much it is.

I’m not trying to put the cart in front of the horse here, but I enjoy having these ideas to toy around with. It gives me something to look forward to. I’m not building expectations here, just dreams.

And somewhere in those dreams, I feel power.

SunClouds

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Looking To the Future. Seriously.

I have a lot of things to say, just don’t feel like saying it.

Things are going well, but I have been spending a lot of time wandering through the thoughts in my head.

Mr. AM never called or emailed me back. We were supposed to hook up today. I’m not surprised or disappointed.

I have established some kind of Pen Pal relationship with another guy from Ashley Madison, but that whole conversation has faded. We emailed each other almost every day for the first two weeks, but now when I try to write things to him, my brain comes up completely empty.

I’m not depressed or upset or anything like that. I am frustrated with my current situation (and Loverman’s — more about that later) and keep trying to figure out what I can do to change it or make it go away better.

Last weekend (10-or-so days ago) I talked to Doom-n-Gloom about contributing actual money to the household instead of just being responsible for buying groceries. This was a huge step for me: being able to confront him with a real issue that needed to be dealt with. He started telling me that his garnishments will be stopping soon (it sounded like the beginnings of an excuse to me) and I stopped him right there. I explained that I needed money from him regardless of the garnishments and that if he wouldn’t be able to come up with the money, the lease is up in September, he is more than welcome to find somewhere cheaper than $200/month. He said he understood and that was the end of it.shocked_baby

Holy Crap! It seems like this was a huge step for him, too.

I took my first payment from him last Friday. It felt strange, but it also felt very good.

And, here’s a little secret: I am not actually using ALL of that money for the household – half of it is going into a savings account I started for Doom-n-Gloom. Then, when I kick him out ask him to leave, there will be money to help him get a place (or something) AND that money won’t be coming from my pocket! It will legitimately be his money.

I am kind of proud of myself for looking to the future. That’s not really my thing.

I guess I must be getting pretty serious…

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