Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

He’s Gone

He’s gone. I shouldn’t be so sad anymore.

But I am.

He’s gone. I should feel relief instead of loneliness.

But I don’t.

He’s gone. I need reach out to others for support.

But I can’t.

He’s gone. I still hate myself for being so stupid.

But I’m not.

He’s gone. So, why am I still broken?

Because he never refilled my cup.

After drinking so selfishly from it…

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The Lonely Red Road

red_road_oil

Nothing new here…

I’m lonely again (still?).

I miss him again (still?).

This weekend a friend of mine told me that I shouldn’t give him so much control over how I feel.

I know she’s concerned, but I don’t really feel like I am giving him “control” per se… I am not miserable because I am missing him, my life isn’t stopping or anything like that… I go on like everyone else.

But, I can’t just stop missing him! That feeling needs to happen in order for me to function as a ‘normal’ human being. Just because a feeling is a negative feeling and I don’t like feeling it, doesn’t mean I need to shut it away.

I just need to learn how to temper it — to learn how to cope. Recently, I believe I have been mostly successful. This blog has helped me immensely — writing my thoughts down helps me understand and define them.

I know that (mostly) I am in full control my feelings and there are times when I want to feel him a lot closer to me than he actually is.
Those are the times when I miss him and I start to feel lonely.

I know that I can shove that feeling into the back of my head and feel something else, something “better”, for a while. But then the “missing him” feeling is even more intense when it creeps back into my consciousness and therefore, harder to abate.

Kind of, a little bit, I like missing him; and it’s comforting to me to know when/if he misses me, too.

To a point, maybe it’s good to walk a lonely Red Road every so often. Quite possibly, it helps us to better appreciate the time we do get to spend together with the ones we care about most deeply.

Related Posts:

  1. A Week is Too Long!
  2. The Strong – on Play the Objective
  3. The Invisible Search – on HastyWords
  4. The Colors We Wear
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