Aside

Confusion Tears

I don’t know, can you even call them that?

Am I confused or lost? Are they the same?

Hmmmm… And there’s double meaning to it, too…

What did *you* think I meant when you read the title of my post?

I meant the crying kinda tear, but after I looked at it a second time, it could also mean the ripping kind of tear.

Maybe that explains why it hurts so much – are my eyes crying because my heart is torn?

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Aside

Throwback Thursday: Comment

Oddly enough, I was rereading some “related posts” when I came across this one: Lost

For the most part, I have overcome that feeling in regards to [Loserman].

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel very lost very much of the time, but situations (car-related and not) keep popping up in life (as they tend to do) and I am handling them on my own, without his help and/or support. Sometimes I probably don’t handle them in the best of ways, but I get through it and then deal with the consequences regardless…

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Aside

Embarrassing Questions?

Yesterday while I was looking up some drug interactions, I inadvertently came across this video “section” of Web MD called Embarrassing Question… (scroll down a bit on the linked page and you will be able to see the vids). None of them would work on my computer but, lucky me, there are transcripts!

I really, really enjoyed this one…

Embarrassing Question:

Can I lose something in my vagina?

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Chat

Too Much Power

Since last September, I’ve been spending a lot of time inside my head. It was a tough time to recover from: Mick’s verbal harassment, moving, having my car stolen…

Shit! Just a move by itself is enough to send a person’s life into topsy-turvies…

I ended up dragging a couple of very special people into my drama, then seemingly dropped off the planet. There’s no excuse for that. I was simply a scared kitten.

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Video

“Wake Me Up”

Every time I hear this song, I cry…

It’s beautiful!

“…all this time I was finding myself and I didn’t know I was lost…”

Wake Me Up

By Aloe Blacc

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start
They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans
I wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost

So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost

Songwriters: TIM BERGLING, ALOE BLACC, MIKE EINZIGER
Status

Lost

lost

As time passes and I get farther and farther away from my last contact with Loserman, I feel more and more lost.

Every day I think of a new reason to call him – or I just end up mulling over the old ones.

  • The valve cover gasket in Breezy is leaking oil into the spark plugs and needs to be replaced. As you may already know, he’s always been my mechanic and he’s the one who rebuilt Breezy’s engine.
  • I still have his roller skates in a duffel bag in my back seat. I want to call him and ask if he wants them (and I miss my skate partner)
  • Next Monday is my birthday… Having a good day with him is all I want as a gift.

The biggest reason I don’t reach out to him is fear of rejection.

And, I guess if I had to be honest, pride…

There were really bad parts to our relationship, especially at the end when he seemed to turn into someone else.

But, before that, there were amazing times.

If there wasn’t, I never would have started this blog and named it what I did.

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Alone With My Worry Monster

Alone With My Worry Monster

Dont Worry

Some days my emotions get the better of me and, no matter how logical I try to be, there is no winning against the worry monster!

I have sayings posted all around my office. Half of them are telling me not to worry and why not.

I read them over and over again. Like a mantra.

It helps sometimes.

Loverman and I have established a checks and balances system that works out most of the time.

But sometimes the checks don’t balance and I start to worry.

Most times when I am worried about nothing, I tell myself that everything is fine.

Really.

Fine.

Because something deep-down inside of me really does believe that it’s fine.

That there’s nothing to worry about.

Even if there was, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway.

Worry is a Waste

Lost In Discovery…

Lost In Discovery…

It’s so simple

I crave intimacy

Intimacy

I want someone to hold my hand

To support me when I need it most

To fix the water heater when it’s broken down

To kiss me before bed

To kiss me when I wake

To cuddle up to after a bad dream

To make love to me in the front seat of my car

Or the shower, or the movie theater, or in my bed

Anywhere. Anytime.

I want someone who enjoys the same things as me

Someone who knows what I mean when I can’t make the words come out right

When I got married, I was too young to know any of these things

How I wanted my relationship to be

How I needed my husband to be

What intimacy was

Now that I know

I am lost in discovery…