Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Life is Hard (and scary, too)

Life is overwhelming me. So much so, that I am curious how I’ve made it this far.

I mean, my kids are grown and I am 49 years old. Somehow I managed to get married and stay married for 20 years. I found the courage to get a divorce… I’ve interviewed for many jobs, left those jobs for new ones, made friends and met new people, moved from MN to CO…

But, the past couple of years haven’t been going very smoothly for me and life has become increasingly difficult.

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Trust Yourself

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Embrace Your Flaws

Your flaws make you unique and special.

Embrace them like you would embrace an old friend.

Xoxo 😘

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Why We Choose Difficult Partners

“We probably can’t change our templates of attraction”, but we CAN change how we respond to trigger behaviors.

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Monday Motivation: Understanding

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Show Me

Reminders so I don’t take him back:

  1. Telling me my feelings are stupid when he doesn’t understand them
  2. His conceit and selfishness
  3. He’s a loud open-mouth chewer
  4. It’s always a struggle for his attention and time
  5. Not keeping his word, aka: empty promises
  6. Lack of respect and appreciation
  7. EXCUSES!!!
  8. Ignorance (circling back to #1)

If you love me, fucking show me!!!

(It’s taped at the head of my bed, so it’s there as the first and last thing every day)

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Saying “I Love You”

Image result for saying i love you

Sometimes those three words are easy to say.

…to my daughters, my friends…

Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.

I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.

Is it fear of rejection?

I know he won’t reject me…

If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read the rest of this entry »

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The Last Word, Finally?

ThickSkull

So, after Mick hung up on me Tuesday morning, the thought crossed my mind, “Cool! Now I don’t have to figure out how to break up with him at the end of the month.”

I realize that is a very bitchy thought, but the mother-fucker just hung up on me after telling me he was done. What was I supposed to think? Read the rest of this entry »

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Garbage

SoulmateLessons

He threw me out like trash

Like not talking to me wouldn’t hurt

Fading away like a ghost

Who still lingers and haunts

Maybe that’s my problem

Why I can’t get over him

Why I can’t seem to really like anyone

Including myself

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” said Teddy Roosevelt

When will I stop comparing what I had with him

To what I could have with someone else?

Juggling boys like bowling pins

Two years?

Four years?

A lifetime?

Will time even help?

Delusion

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Sometimes I Forget

Rumi_Love

Help me to remember everything is okay

Reassure me I am never as gross as I feel

I love to hear I’m sexy, pretty, desirable, slutacious even!

Tell me you want me

And do it on the regular

Because sometimes I forget how to remind myself and believe…

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