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Saying “I Love You”

Image result for saying i love you

Sometimes those three words are easy to say.

…to my daughters, my friends…

Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.

I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.

Is it fear of rejection?

I know he won’t reject me…

If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read more

The Last Word, Finally?

The Last Word, Finally?

ThickSkull

So, after Mick hung up on me Tuesday morning, the thought crossed my mind, “Cool! Now I don’t have to figure out how to break up with him at the end of the month.”

I realize that is a very bitchy thought, but the mother-fucker just hung up on me after telling me he was done. What was I supposed to think? Read more

Aside

Garbage

SoulmateLessons

He threw me out like trash

Like not talking to me wouldn’t hurt

Fading away like a ghost

Who still lingers and haunts

Maybe that’s my problem

Why I can’t get over him

Why I can’t seem to really like anyone

Including myself

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” said Teddy Roosevelt

When will I stop comparing what I had with him

To what I could have with someone else?

Juggling boys like bowling pins

Two years?

Four years?

A lifetime?

Will time even help?

Delusion

How Do I Like Me…

How Do I Like Me…

I enjoy being with a partner who loves me as much as I love me.

But, even though I think I love myself quite a lot, the reality of it is:

I only like myself

I really, really like myself a lot, though!

I’m fun to hang out with; I’m witty, smart, fucking adorable, easy to get along with…

I can even hang out with myself for extended periods of time.

Quite an accomplishment, right?

But, apparently, I don’t really love myself.

Because I only truly enjoy the company of a partner who only really, really likes me, too.

DoYouLikeMe

Related:

Big Shot by Queen Rude

Daddy

Daddy

ScaredKitten

Late Wednesday evening last week, Mick said something in an email that set me off. I don’t even know what it was that got me.

Maybe I was looking for an excuse to be angry with him or pick a fight… I don’t honestly know… Any enlightenment you can offer on the subject will be welcomed.

Hi baby doll,

I am so looking forward to tomorrow night. As always. Whether I am wailing on you or stroking you or just talking, I really like to be with you.

There are so many things that I want to know about you. I am not sure if you are ready to tell me yet. I know you are trying to not get too attached. I get that. There are things about me that I am not sure you want to know either. I have been having some random thoughts today and wanted to write some of them down. Your question at lunch yesterday was interesting how you posed it. [I asked if he was going to be able to keep up with me.] I am concerned about the age difference because it is more than I have been apart from anyone I have been with. I have not exactly been easy on my body through the years and I am concerned that I may not be able to keep you happy in a few years. Not just sexually, but in all aspects. I know that you have already made some “sacrifice” to be with me now. I don’t want you to have to keep making them for me. I want to make you happy for many, many years. I am pretty sure you are deserving of that. I am starting to think of my own mortality and don’t want people to sacrifice for me. I have lived most of my life believing that I need to sacrifice for others to try and repay for my past. I am in somewhat of a quandary and don’t know what to do. Let’s talk about this soon. Doesn’t have to be tomorrow. Just know that this is on my mind a lot, just as I think about how you make me feel is on my mind a lot.

Hope you had a good skate tonight. I want to come watch you sometime, but not sure if I should. I am doing my best to respect your position of not getting too attached.

Just kind of rambling now. Sleep well my sweet kitten and I will see you in dreamland. Read more

Love

Love

image

Mick sent this to me Saturday morning, after a lovely Friday evening. We went to “my” jazz bar where he danced with me (!!!!! He doesn’t dance…), walked up and down the 16th Street Mall holding my hand and then stopped to get ice cream to finish things off.

Even though all the ideas were mine, he paid for everything and we had an amazing time. I could really get used to him! He treats me like a princess!

There is so much more I need to tell you…

Video

“Don’t Be Shy”

Don’t Be Shy

by Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)

Don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by
Don’t wear fear or nobody will know you’re there
Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead
And don’t be shy, just let your feeling roll on by

On by, on by, on by
On by, on by, on by
On by, on by, on by

You know love is better than a song
Love is where all of us belong
So don’t be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don’t wear fear or nobody will know you’re there

You’re there, you’re there, you’re there
You’re there, you’re there, you’re there
You’re there, you’re there, you’re there

You don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by
And don’t wear fear or nobody will know you’re there
Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead
No, don’t be shy, just let your feeling roll on by

On by, on by, on by
On by, on by, on by
On by, on by, on by