Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Not Interested

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My very first, hard and fast, rule is: don’t skate and date.

After breaking up with someone you’ve skated with and been intimate with, things get awkward.

The skate rinks are like the children; time with each needs to be doled out carefully and fairly.

When can I go to that one? When are you going to this one?

And, if it was a bad breakup, there’s no discussion about any of that


It really only had to happen to me once for me to learn.

(I dabbled once more after that, but he moved to Phoenix, and it wasn’t serious.)

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Last Tuesday night I went on a “Tinder date”.

I was pretty sure it was only supposed to be a one-night stand, but that’s what Dreamboat was supposed to be and now he’s planning our long-term future together (still!).

This guy seemed okay from our brief Tinder conversations. My standard for that is: keep it brief and still be conversational; use some wit and we should be golden.

It’s pretty easy to tell if I’ll have any chemistry with someone based on this Initial Intelligence Interaction.

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On: Being a Woman

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Throwback Thursday: 06/27/2010


This is what I wrote the first time that Loserman stopped talking to me, 5 damn years ago, before I started my blog.

It reads just like present-times…

It’s over. Done. He hung up on me on Father’s Day while we were talking about when he would be able to finish fixing my car. It hurts so bad this time that:
  1. I don’t even want to write about it, it’s so stupid – maybe finally his wife found out and he’s trying to prove something to her about his love (see #3 for more on his loving her)…
  2. I feel like such a moron for thinking that all the bullshit he said was true. like “I love you”, “I’ll never leave you”, “I’m always be with you”, “I’m yours already”…  FUCKED UP!  Why would I EVER in a BILLION YEARS think that such a beautiful man would ever truly WANT me.  He’s the biggest self-involved mother-fucker that I have met to date, but I felt special because he ‘liked’ me.
  3. The stupidest parts of #2 are related to #1…  Like – why didn’t I listen to my better judgment? I’m old enough that I should have been smarter.  He obviously has a problem with commitment… He tries but then there’s this regular problem that he refuses to deal with and then ‘his girlfriend’ gets out of control because truly he’s a self-involved mother-fucker! I am impressed that his wife could deal with the bullshit for so long – and he’s only being nice to her because she is paying all of his bills right now.
  4. Because of that mother-fucker I am starting to hate myself again!  And I AM going to blame it on him. It’s that “horsefly’s” fault for even letting me think that an “us” was even possible. He must be getting what he needs from his wife…
I am SO angry with myself. So mad that I could be stupid enough to believe the things that he said. Even if he does try to contact me at this point I think he’s truly shown me what a horrid person he is and I can’t even let him in again for the most-awesome-sex-that-I-could-ever-know.  It was SO good.  I think he could be right.  I did only want him for his “froggy style”…

Words to Live By: David Spade

…if a girl ever gifts you with a dirty picture, don’t ignore it! That’s such a mistake. Answer quickly.

You don’t wait hours, then you get another text from her “Hey, uh,by any chance did you get that picture of my PUSSY!!!? Huh?!

Oh, yeah. No, I did… It was cool. You did do that… Ummm, we were eating. Uhh, yeah, no great. Send some more…

No. No more.

~ Excerpt from “My Fake Problems




So Sorry

I’m so sorry YOUR feelings got hurt because YOU fucked up and *I* was held responsible for it.

After you watched as I was humiliated and berated for YOUR completely unacceptable and inappropriate work behavior, you couldn’t just leave me alone for a few minutes to chill out?!?!

Why does that even surprise me at this point?

I simply said, “I’m sorry. Please give me some time to cool off. This has been a very rough morning and I am very upset right now. It’s very difficult to be humiliated like that for someone else’s mistake and just bounce back.”

So you storm into your office, close the door and start sassing me while you sit behind your locked office door.

How fucked up is that?

full of fuck

Are there even grown-up people that act like fucking adults any more???

Why can’t I know some of those people?!

I’m starting to wonder…


Just Friends

This morning, after a wonderful night of skating, I had a brief moment of frustration with Loverman and now he never wants to go on another skating trip with me. Ever. Again.

This morning at 5AM, after him arriving 3 hours late, driving for 10 hours, skating immediately after that for 2 hours and an extreme lack of food, I had a brief lapse of neediness.

He wasn’t into that so much.

Maybe I will talk about it someday (or you can read about Day 1 of our Sk8-Venture last year – it’s pretty much the same as that except I have no fucking clue what I did to mess things up this time).

The short story is: he can’t “deal with” the drama right now, but he loves me so much that he still wants to be friends.

Fuck that!


I think that I really do hate everyone.

Especially after I really get to know them.

Especially Loverman.

I love him so much it actually tears my soul out of me chest to say this, but:

He needs to learn forgiveness or we are done.

If he really lets me go, he is losing the best-est thing that ever happened to him.

I even reminded him that 90% awesome-ness and 10% frustrating is a pretty sweet relationship

But he wouldn’t hear that.

He was totally focused on how he knew I was going to fuck up this vacation.

So this vacation got fucked up.

If he can’t see all of the totally awesome things I do for him as a friend and as a partner and as a lover and forgive me when I make a mistake, then maybe he IS right and we should “just be friends”. And, I only say that because he is such good friends with Thing #1. If she wasn’t involved, I think I would be done with his bullshit entirely.

I hope to write about this more coherently later, but I am pretty fucked up right now.

Both emotionally and alcoholically.

I tried getting stoned, but it didn’t help.


Would You Respond?

If your girlfriend/mistress sent you this message would you respond?

I wish you were here because I miss you and Vanilla misses Coconut and we want to give you huge and sexy kisses all night long! My body wants to feel yours…

Or would you just leave her hanging?



Fuck Regret!


I can’t go back and change what has already passed.

If it was a mistake, all I can do is learn from it and grow.

Regret by Hisgirlmaybe

I don’t think I’ve ever actually regretted something. Is that bad? Because I know I’ve made some bad choices, bad decisions. But I don’t think I can say that I actually and honestly regret any of them. Sure I wonder what my life would be like if I’d made a different choice or not did something but, I don’t know.
It’s weird I hear how people regret things all the time and part of me thinks I should too but I don’t think I do.
I don’t know what that means..