Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

What’s Your Sign?

Yesterday’s Daily Prompt asked:

Litmus, Litmus on the Wall

If you had to come up with one question, the answer to which would determine whether or not you could be friends with a person you’ve just met, what would it be? What would the right answer be?

Of course there are the standard questions that help me get an idea of an unknown person:

  • What’s your favorite music to listen to?
  • What kind of car do you drive?
  • Do you have any kids?
  • Are you from here originally?
  • What do you do for a living?

But, if I had to rely on only one single question to determine whether or not I can be friends with someone, it would be:

What’s your sign?

Cancer is definitely the wrong answer. I am completely and utterly INcompatible with Cancers. Potential suitors have been turned away because they told me that was their zodiac sign.

What’s funny is, I checked the compatibility of Cancer and Virgo. Supposedly:cancer zodiac tattoo

“The Homemaker and the Healer share a nurturing side to their personalities. For Cancer, it’s all about taking care of loved ones in an emotional sense. For Virgo, it’s more about serving others and healing them on a practical level, but again, these different approaches complement one another rather than provoking conflict. When it comes to courtship, there are few signs more old-fashioned than Virgo – and Cancer compatibility increases when a courtship is slow, dignified and sincere. Although both partners can be slightly shy in their day-to-day lives, they feel relaxed enough with one another to show their true selves, which is when love can begin to blossom. For Cancer and Virgo, compatibility thrives on the knowledge that they can trust each other.” (credit: astromatcha.com)

Hmmmm…. Cancers are too volatile and moody for me (I mean absolutely NO offense to my readers who happen to be Cancers!), especially around full-moon-time. And I do not feel relaxed or comfortable around them. I am constantly guarding myself and worrying about what passive-aggressive way they will communicate their issues to me. I don’t do passive-aggressive!

Doom-n-Gloom is a Cancer and I have had other past relationships with Cancers (friendly and romantic). Not a single one of them was like the description above! Trust was always a huge issue — we were (are) constantly guarding ourselves from each other, never letting the true feelings out.

The correct answer would be:

Virgovirgo-symbol-design

“The important thing is that next to a Virgo just like yourself you will never get bored or feel betrayed. Your Virgo is as faithful as you are and you think alike. You are as idealistic as one can be but, at the same time, you both have enough realism and practical sense to realize what can and cannot be changed about the other.

Finally, you have a partner that doesn’t complain about your staying too much at work, because that’s where your Virgo spends his/her time, too. That’s a little too much, indeed.” (credit: eastrolog.com)

When I meet a Virgo, I know instantly. There is a chemistry and repor that I feel deep inside my soul and conversation flows from the moment of first contact.

Pisces is a close second.pisces-symbol-pictures

“…both signs are mutable, flexible and adaptable – once they understand what is required of them, both partners are perfectly capable of supporting each other with overwhelming each other. It’s a delicate balance, but for Virgo and Pisces, compatibility is worth the effort.

At its best, this relationship can be magical, entrancing and deeply romantic. Communication is the absolute key, and each partner must be honest about their feelings without trying to hide the worst. Usually, when the Dreamer and the Healer join forces, they can create a better world both for themselves and for the rest of us.” (credit: astromatcha.com)

Both my daughter and a very dear old FWB of mine are Gemini. We are muy simpatico!Wonderful Black Ink Tribal Gemini Tattoo Design

“Virgo and Gemini do well together in the area of friendship and dating. They both will have plenty to talk about, and will admire the other’s intelligence. Virgo will be piqued and charmed by Gemini’s knowledge of many things, bright outlook on life and witty humor. Gemini will be intrigued with Virgo’s stability, calm personality and matter-of-fact attitude. Gemini will have to understand that Virgo doesn’t necessarily care for the glittering nightlife, while Virgo will make things easier by not keeping Gemini inside the house all day. Both signs are mutable, so compromise shouldn’t be difficult (unless either native has many fixed planets in their birth chart). ”  (credit: sasstrology.com)

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Looking To the Future. Seriously.

I have a lot of things to say, just don’t feel like saying it.

Things are going well, but I have been spending a lot of time wandering through the thoughts in my head.

Mr. AM never called or emailed me back. We were supposed to hook up today. I’m not surprised or disappointed.

I have established some kind of Pen Pal relationship with another guy from Ashley Madison, but that whole conversation has faded. We emailed each other almost every day for the first two weeks, but now when I try to write things to him, my brain comes up completely empty.

I’m not depressed or upset or anything like that. I am frustrated with my current situation (and Loverman’s — more about that later) and keep trying to figure out what I can do to change it or make it go away better.

Last weekend (10-or-so days ago) I talked to Doom-n-Gloom about contributing actual money to the household instead of just being responsible for buying groceries. This was a huge step for me: being able to confront him with a real issue that needed to be dealt with. He started telling me that his garnishments will be stopping soon (it sounded like the beginnings of an excuse to me) and I stopped him right there. I explained that I needed money from him regardless of the garnishments and that if he wouldn’t be able to come up with the money, the lease is up in September, he is more than welcome to find somewhere cheaper than $200/month. He said he understood and that was the end of it.shocked_baby

Holy Crap! It seems like this was a huge step for him, too.

I took my first payment from him last Friday. It felt strange, but it also felt very good.

And, here’s a little secret: I am not actually using ALL of that money for the household – half of it is going into a savings account I started for Doom-n-Gloom. Then, when I kick him out ask him to leave, there will be money to help him get a place (or something) AND that money won’t be coming from my pocket! It will legitimately be his money.

I am kind of proud of myself for looking to the future. That’s not really my thing.

I guess I must be getting pretty serious…

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Mr. Rescueman

I had just finished a very unpleasant text conversation with Doom-n-Gloom in regards to his lack of respect for my personal space (there will be a post about that coming soon), so having this conversation with Loverman immediately after the frustrating one gave me a little pick-me-up!

River Raft

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Brief Note on My Marriage

I put as much effort into my marriage as the man I married does.

RelationshipsAreLikeGlass

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Self-Sabotage and Spiritual Quests

Yesterday I read an article that is making me think really hard. It was written by Karen Salmansohn and titled: Why Do People Self-Sabotage Their Happiness?poster-choosethoughts-903x1024

Here are my favorite parts…

… It’s like this: As a child you learned habits on love and happiness from your parents. If you learned that love comes with yelling and insults, then being in a relationship with too much peace and too many compliments might actually inspire anxiety. Snagging an abundance of joy might also trigger you to self-sabotage your happiness in order to maintain that “masochistic equilibrium” which you learned in your childhood. Or you might simply choose scenarios from the get-go which bring you lower levels of love and bliss.

When I married Mr. Gloom-n-Doom, that was partly self-sabotage, part rebellion. My parents hated him and I hated myself… Gloom-n-Doom is passive-aggressive exactly like my parents. I couldn’t see it then because I was young and stupid (and I hated myself — of course I did, my parents were constantly telling me how much I could be like everyone else).

…Find examples of consistently happy, loving couples, and truly happy people. Spend as much time as possible with them so you can start to shift your belief system to what “normal love” and “normal happiness” are. Over time, you will begin to view highly positive situations as examples for your new normal. The more you witness positive examples of love and joy, the more opportunity you will have to change your belief system about life—and thereby start to change your “masochistic equilibrium.”

Surrounding myself with positivity and gratitude is opening my eyes so I can finally see that the relationship I have with Mr. Gloom-n-Doom is very destructive to the both of us. I can’t help him; he can’t love himself; I can’t make him. I can see how he intentionally chooses bad things (one could say the same about me, I guess). He always has an “enterpaining” story to tell people, in which he elicits pity and drama. If he started taking care of himself and doing what the doctors tell him, he would have no such stories to tell.

…there’s an added sneaky reason why painful patterns form: a theory à la Carl Jung. He believed that our lives need meaning and purpose. If we don’t have meaning and purpose, we acquire a bad habit in order to create drama and excitement—so we feel like there’s something interesting and entertaining happening in our life—even if it’s a bad exciting thing. Jung’s name for these patterns of “enterpaining” situations was “low-level spiritual quests.”

Hmmm…

The good news: You can more readily dump negative patterns of “low-level spiritual quests” by developing “high-level spiritual quests”—a driving positive force that drives you forward. For example, it’s easier to dump negative patterns in love (which give you drama and “enterpaining stories” to tell), if you develop an exciting hobby or passion-project to serve as your “high-level spiritual quest” (which then gives you excitement and happy entertaining stories to tell).

It is becoming easier for me to dump those negative patterns and choices because I have been finding and creating my own examples of happiness. Part of it is my relationship with Loverman (which I DO realize could just be another one of my negative patterns…), but another part is my acceptance of myself. My desire to love myself! My ability to be happy with myself. I am now proud to be me.

Be Happy
Good luck with your spiritual quests!!!
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I am NOT ‘Country’

When we were coming back from our mini-vacation, Loverman said something to me that stung a little.

It only stung because it’s something he calls me all the time, and it feels like he’s talking down to me when he says it.

He isn’t. I even know he isn’t. But, my feelings don’t seem to understand…

He is simply joking around with me. And the first few times he says it, it’s funny and cute.  But then he takes it too far.

After I ask him to stop.

He jokes around with his brothers like that. Taking something past the point where I think it’s funny.

I’m not one of his brothers, but I appreciate the fact he is that comfortable with me 🙂

So, I brought it up with him while we were driving back.

We talked about it for longer than I really wanted because he kept saying, “I just won’t call you ‘Country’ any more if it upsets you so much.”

I kept trying to explain that it doesn’t upset me the first couple of times, but it starts to when he keeps going after I ask him to stop.

I’m not sure he understood what I was trying to say, but at least I know I can tell him about my feelings without him storming off , slamming doors and ignoring me for a week (like Doom-n-Gloom).

Shrek-Be Who You Are

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I’m Just a Mom: Self-Esteem

Jem and the Holograms

Last week, I posted the this pic on Thing #2‘s Facebook page with a link to Amazon and said, “OMG!!!! You can get the entire series on DVD! Now I know what to get you for your birthday this year!!! :)”

She responded, “Hm… it looks awesome, but it’s crazy expensive. I’ll have to pass.”

When I got home later that night, just to be clear that she wasn’t telling me, in a nice way, that she really doesn’t want it, I asked her exactly that. She said, “No, Mom. I think it would be epically cool to have it, but it’s way too expensive to give me as a gift.”

I appreciate that she’s being fiscally responsible (or just a martyr?), but I told her that when a person is giving a gift, it’s really up to the gift-ER to decided what is too expensive, not the gift-EE. She continued to disagree with me even after I persisted that GIVING gifts is a fun privilege and if I can afford to indulge my children with frivolous things (especially when they are SO hard to buy gifts for, right?), I am fucking gonna!!

She didn’t even concede that how I spend *my* money is *my* choice. In fact, she explained that she couldn’t enjoy something so frivolous because she would be feeling guilty for costing me so much money.

It made me totally sad that she doesn’t think she deserves a $57.00, cheesy, 80s-cartoon TV series. She should definitely love herself more than that

Such persistence in negativity. She is starting to take after Mr. Doom-n-Gloom more and more every day… How do I help her to “accentuate the positive”?

Telling her that she is wonderful and that I love her, no matter what, is NOT working.

The waiting is painful.

(And this is why I don’t write about Thing #2 very much. She’s very depressing, but not Emo, that would probably be easier.)

Related Posts:

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Boring…

I feel like I used to have a lot to say here and, as time goes on, it seems like I have less and less to tell you about. There are weeks where I think there are a lot of things to share and there are weeks when even *I* bore myself… Blogs are supposed to have structure, and I have tried that, but do journals require the same kind of structure?

I’m not boring in real life. Really. But you can’t always put everything from real life into words.

bored-spot-bored-944713_500_416Is it because I have reached some kind of apex, wall, plateau, if you will?

I feel like my life is changing. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I think the parts that I want to share now are not necessarily the parts that you are waiting for me to write about (but I don’t want to start another blog. Been there, done that). I’m not entirely sure why I’m worried about it or even what I’m worried about… But now that I think of it, it has been a long time since I’ve written something sexy — and it isn’t because I haven’t been inspired, I just don’t feel the need to put it in words. Or maybe I can’t find the right words to use…

Recently I’ve been more focused on losing my pesky, squishy belly-fat and attempting to learn how to run outside (treadmill is a piece of cake). I’ve been counting calories and adding new exercises (lots of times unsuccessfully), adding new vitamins, trying desperately to add more protein to my diet (again, mostly unsuccessfully), dealing with peri-menopause, trying not to kill the roommate-husband (at least he stays out of my way — but still treats me like shit *sigh*). Basically, I’m lost in the the midst of changing into a middle-aged woman!

Menopause increases belly fat but no overall weight gain.

Menopause increases belly fat but no overall weight gain 😦

It might be more juicy interesting, but I don’t like talking about the husband here because I am trying to focus on the good things in my life. I am trying to look for things that uplift me; things that make me happy and bring me joy. Mr. Gloom-n-Doom is not (can you tell by the pseudonym?) one of those things. And it doesn’t matter anyway, he won’t exist in my world much longer; maybe another year. Tops… Then I will probably have plenty to share with you about his incompetence, rudeness and just plain ineptitude.

OR the Ongoing Adventures of Loverman and Mamacita will just get that much better!

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Busy Week!

PSTM60There’s really not much for me to say this week.

Yesterday was President’s Day and I got the day off from work. Paid. Woo hoo!!! My job is awesome!!!

I didn’t do much… Finished reading Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn — good book. The beginning was a little slow and then, the second half started and I couldn’t put it down! I don’t know if I like the end, though… Read it and let me know what you think 🙂

This weekend I got this cool new mop that I ordered. So, I mopped. It works SUPER good and now my kitchen floor is totally sanitized (or at least it was before I left this morning 😉 ).

Tomorrow at work is meetings all day. In fact, as soon as I get done with this post I have to finish up one of the reports that I created with my Microsoft Access 2013!! Hooray! I have created an agent production report that I will be giving to all the agents tomorrow showing their sales, the deductions and their total contribution to the company since their start dates. I am really very proud of the work I’ve done on this project 🙂

Then we have another meeting with the managers when I get back from lunch. That one should be short and sweet and then I can get something actually accomplished by the end of the day.

TONIGHT I have a date night with Loverman. We’re not going to be doing anything special, just hanging out together with a glass of wine or two and getting some well-needed nookie-nookie 😉 in a comfortable bed.

Next week is his birthday, I don’t have anything special planned for that yet. Any ideas?

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Happy Friday!

I hope that your Friday is going better than mine is — and Thing #1‘s.Bear

My Truck, Bear, decided to act like a COMPLETE nut this morning and idle at 3,000 RPMs! I couldn’t settle him down at all and there was no way I was trying to drive in 45+ minutes in traffic with that going on. Oh, hell no!!! Tomorrow morning I will have to get up early before grocery shopping and try to clean out the spark plugs, wires and cylinders…

I am so lucky that Boss-Lady is so cool! Not everyone can call their boss up at 7:30 in the morning, trying not to cry, and ask for a ride to work. She doesn’t live too far away from me and we still ended up getting to work mostly on time — only 5 minutes late.

While I was riding in with Boss-Lady, Thing #1 called me and when I said, “Hello,” I could only hear her angry huffs on the other side in response. After a couple of seconds listening to her, I concluded she was mad at herself and said, “Speak to me, my child. What is wrong?”

“I left my shears on the couch in my bedroom and I had a haircut appointment this morning. They sent me home!”

Shitty! She rode the bus all the way to Beauty School this morning just to have to turn around and wait again to ride home. It’s a 30-minute ride and it was 5 degrees BELOW zero this morning — for both her trip to school and for her trip home! She texted me when she got home, “My toes hurt SO bad!” Now she’s stuck with Mr. Doom-n-Gloom for the rest of the day. Happy times for her…

Good luck to all of you with your days. Maybe this sweet, little video will help you to smile 🙂 It did me.

Do-Wah-Doo
by Kate Nash

HAPPY FRIDAY!

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