Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Terrifyingly Beautiful

I have been feeling very forgettable recently and was browsing about the interweb to find some picture or meme that went along with the way I felt.

This showed up in my Google picture search:

TerrifyinglyBeautiful3

Don’t you agree?

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Sk8cation: The Rest of Saturday

Read about Friday here

After our wonderfully awkward morning together, Scorpio needed to take a shower (ya think!?). But it wasn’t only because of his little phone sex episode in the bed earlier, it was also the fact that he has to be as germ-free as possible at all times and he had just spent and entire night sleeping across a king-sized bed from my filthy ass. (Can you feel the sarcasm oozing here?) We were going to a free picnic in the park that afternoon and he needed to look his best.

To be honest, I don’t remember what I did while he was taking forever to get ready. It didn’t bug me for the first half of the vacation, but he just takes so long to do everything. I was probably out on the deck again getting high. That’s probably why I don’t remember.

Anyway… The picnic was pretty freaking awesome!!

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Sk8cation: Saturday Morning

To read about Friday’s adventure click here

BlameItOnYourPeriod

I got my mother-fucking period.

Again!

And on my Sk8cation, too!!

That is officially 3 ‘cycles’ in as many weeks.

Before we left I figured I should be safe for a few days, right? Even a few weeks?

Fuck this change-of-life shit!

It actually started at the end of our drive Friday night, but I was hoping it was a fluke and only mild spotting (just like I thought the prior week right before I got period #2).

Nope. It wasn’t spotting. Saturday morning I woke up with another full-blown menstrual period!

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A Meeting With Mr. X

Photo Credit: lanier67

Photo Credit: lanier67

Mr. X and I met briefly last week after a brief and uncomfortable text conversation. I was going to share it with you here, but it’s longer than I remembered it to be.

In short, we decided to meet so we could hash a few issues out face-to-face.

I was nervous because of some things I said to him before he left town on some family business.

We talked about our situation and how it needs to work for both of us. (I have to admit that I am really starting to like this “open communication” and honesty thing. Especially when my ‘partner’ doesn’t hate me for sharing my feelings…)

  • He agreed only to tell me about future “plans” or fun things we’re going to do if he’s at least 75% sure it’s going to happen (or 80%, I can’t remember…). Anything less than that and he has to keep it to himself so I don’t get my hopes up 😉
  • I agreed that I need to back off. I need to practice patience. He totally spoiled me at the beginning with attention (not a complaint, just an observation) and I got used to it. In fact I loved it, even though I knew that it couldn’t possibly be that way all the time.

It’s surprising how attached I have become to him in such a short time. We’ve only ‘known’ each other since the end of November, but he already knows so much about me.

Even more than Loserman did.

And Mr. X still likes me…

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You Might Be Asking “Where Did Mr. X Go?”

 

gone

I’m wondering that myself. I kind of miss him.

Here is what I do know:

  • He accepted a new and better position at work which changed his hours. Making it practically impossible for us to coordinate “together time”.
  • His grandmother died a couple of weeks ago and he has been taking care of family business.

The last time I saw him was Friday, January 9th. I sat on his lap in the back seat of my car and we talked oh-so-comfortably about some not-so-comfortable things. We kissed, the windows steamed up, but all our clothes stayed on.

At the beginning of the following week, he mentioned while we were talking that he hoped to see me briefly that Thursday afternoon.

… and that he loved me (in the way you love a friend – like concern, you know?)

I told him that I wasn’t ready to say that yet and he was okay with it. Totally understanding of it, as a matter of fact.

… and that he was really horny.

Which is when I told him I was jealous that he can just go home to his wife for that release while I wait and wait and wait for him to have time for me.

Thursday morning came.

I texted Mr. X when I got to work like I was supposed to.

I texted him again, later in the day, to let him know that he really missed out – I wore a dress.

Silence.

Friday morning I sent another message that I was safe at work.

He replied that he was disappointed he had missed out on my dress the previous day and was trying to make it possible to meet that afternoon.

To be funny I responded, “I didn’t wear a dress today though. I hope that’s not a deal breaker” then hit SEND.

It turns out that he wasn’t able to see me Friday afternoon, either. (I honestly didn’t think the dress thing would be a deal-breaker 😉 )

He tried calling me Friday evening, but I was on my way to go roller skating with Thing #1 so I couldn’t answer. I was really frustrated anyway and the conversation probably wouldn’t have gone well.

Over that next weekend, I followed the “rules” we had established regarding Checking In and sent him an email both Saturday and Sunday:

Saturday Afternoon (1/17)

MrX-Gone1

Sunday Evening (1/18)

MrX-Gone2

Over those three days I posted some things on my blog and Twitter. I was drinking and having feelings.
(to be fair, I am also still angry and hurting at Loserman so some of that was directed at him)

HeWasTheOne

Then I woke up and I was tired and still having yucky feelings.

IsntGoingToHappen

QueenGame

… and I did not send any messages to Mr. X on Monday.

At 5PM Monday evening (1/19), he sent me this email:

MrX-Gone3

I hacked up that email in a password-protected post. Some of the things he said… … …

My response to him 40 minutes later was:

Reply2MrX

This was all before Retrograde started on the 21st.

I haven’t heard from him since.

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Giving Head

I enjoy sucking cock. Given that it is clean and well-trimmed, etc… (irrelevantly, Loserman’s was practically perfect).

Mr. X’s is quite lovely. I would like to have sucked it and kissed it and worshipped it all night long if he would let me.

But Mr. X is the first man who told me that I don’t do it ‘right’ (I haven’t sucked that many dicks, though…)

This is a really big deal to me because it is something I actually enjoy doing. (Hence the reason I am still obsessing about this weeks later.) I have read about it and watched videos and practiced…

I like to be slow and methodical… I use my hands and my mouth… I suck his balls and fondle pretty much everything…

I have dentures so, when my teeth are in, I’m afraid that I will hurt a man.

Plus, everything I have read/heard says “NO BITING!”

Then I watched a NSFW video that Mr. X sent me. It is a ‘training video’ on how to give a perfect blow job.

OMG! I can’t do that!!! Maybe a couple of those things…

I guess if Mr. X was expecting that, he should have been disappointed with me… *shrug*

But it makes me wonder: was I ever even good, or were they just waiting for me to get it over with?

I kind of wish I could ask Loserman. I was never able to make him cum with my mouth. Is it because I wasn’t doing it ‘right’?

StopGivingHead

It’s incredible how one small, relatively insignificant, criticism can cause me so much self-doubt.

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Innocent Schoolteacher or Hot Librarian?

Image result for raining men

In the past 3 weeks, I have been propositioned by 4 men (*not* including Mr. X):

  1. A 56-year-old single Nigerian man with a Master’s Degree in communication. Originally I met him on Ashley Madison, but he has been emailing me on and off for the past couple of months. Talking with him is fun because he is so smart, and very open-minded to new things. He’s very religious, but he also believes that each of us needs to find our own spirituality. I am working out a name for him.
  2. A 44-year-old Cancer (I don’t do well with Cancers, so this is probably the first and last time you will hear about him) – also single. I met him a few weeks ago at skating. He has been aggressively pursuing me since then — especially since he saw me talking to (drum roll please…)
  3. … a 29-year-old sweetie with a totally hot bod — I wanna tear that up in so many ways!!! (I want to take him on my February Sk8-venture to Phoenix!!) He is definitely the one I am most interested in getting to know better. We have already spent quite a bit of time chatting and when he is next to me, I can feel the electricity between us. He already has my number 😉 and because of all that, he shall be dubbed ‘Scorpio’.
  4. Last but definitely not least is one of the men I work with. He’s 53 and wants to start a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side. This one has a girlfriend, but a “friends with benefits” thing with him might be nice…

That’s not even mentioning Sexy Skaterman who has been actively pursuing me since before I was dumped by Loserman.

What I find to be fascinating about all of this is:

all of these men are black

including Mr. X.

I can’t even get a white man to say “Hello” to me (Attorney-Man hasn’t said a peep since last contact), but black men are falling all over each other to talk to me and get my number.

What the fucking hell!?!?!?

I’m not fat, but I am curvy…

(*I* think I’m pretty! (sometimes 😉 )

I know there are white men out there who like curves!

But I am not complaining. Not at all! Every single one of the men I noted above is incredibly handsome and all of them take care of themselves (including Mr. X)!

Do black men have more self-confidence? Less to lose?

Maybe it’s something about my “look”… The Cancer told me that I have an innocent schoolteacher look about me; I’ve always thought that, but no one has ever said it to my face. He suggested that I ask the next man who hits on me if he thinks I look like an innocent schoolteacher or hot librarian.

I think I just might do that…

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Our First Night Together

Thursday, late afternoon, Mr. X texted me our hotel address and room number. He would be picking up some family at the airport and dropping them off at home; after that he would be on the way to meet me.

There was a key waiting for me at the front desk and he asked if I could pick up some dinner on the way…

Of course, Mr. X!

Subway it was 😉 I got a foot-long cold-cut combo and salt and vinegar chips to share.

Later when we were eating he commented on how he really likes salt and vinegar chips…

It’s just a little thing, but I like discovering our commonalities… Like when he found out that I prefer to drive a manual transmission vehicle, that our favorite color is green, or when I found out that he likes coffee and also eats healthy food (Doom-n-Gloom and Loserman are both very anti-healthy-food)…

One of the first questions I had for Mr. X, while we ate dinner, was “Since you’ve been married, how many other women have you slept with?”

His response was, “I haven’t really counted honestly.”

I giggled and then asked him to remind me how long he has been married. “13 years,” he said.

“Ummm, I see… So, how many do you think?” I persisted.

“Definitely less than 10, probably like 5 I think. I didn’t start cheating on her until like 2-3 years ago.”

Another giggle from me, then I said, “You’ve been kind of busy…”

The subject evolved to different hotels in the city. It turns out that he takes his wife out on date nights and they will make an entire night of it, movie, dinner, room, etc… And, of course in my illicit ‘relationship’ with Loserman, I have stayed at several hotels as well.

We discussed the good the bad and the ugly hotels in the area while we finished up our sandwiches.

**I also found out he hasn’t started reading my book. You know, the one I finished right before our last rendezvous and gave to him so he could review it???** That was disappointing… But I know he’s busy with family life and it was just the holidays.

We moved over to the bed and started undressing each other (that part always goes better in my head – there doesn’t seem to be a sexy or easy way to take of 3 layers of a man’s clothing).

He let me be on top first.

But he was still in charge.

When I would start going too fast or I would pull him out of me too far, he held my hips firmly on his. He was deep inside me and simply gyrating my pelvis on his made me cum several times. When he started stroking my clit with his thumb, I came so hard that I saw stars.

It felt so good and I couldn’t stop.

I was still straddling him when he wrapped his strong hands around my neck and started to lightly squeeze my throat. I could still breathe without much struggle; there was just enough pressure on my windpipe for me to wish there was a little more. Would he let me pass out? Would I like that? How was he feeling at that moment?

I savored the moment of his dominance, focused on the sensation of his control over me and I thought, How does this make me feel?

As many of you know I have a very heightened lack of self-control and as a result, I have had to overcome some self-destructive tendencies.

On that note, it was nice to feel like he was “destroying” me. I liked letting him have his way with me. I wanted more.

I felt very vulnerable, giving my self to this man and trusting him with it. Trusting that he cared about my self enough not to take things too far…

*I* can’t even to that!!!

It’s very difficult describe how I felt; I liked it very much – knowing he could destroy me, but he wasn’t…

I nuzzled at his hands as they were gently strangling me, lightly overpowering me. I liked it and I wanted to show him.

We orgasmed together like that…

Later I even had the opportunity to practice my oral skills and I even got my spanking 😉

Finally! Someone who could take me seriously. Someone who smacked my ass hard enough that his palm probably burned a little afterward. (I didn’t get to survey my ass when he was done, but I suspect the devil-kitty side was quite red when he was finished with her).

Hello Kitty Devil

He even mentioned it the next morning while we were eating breakfast together:

Oh! I didn’t give you that spanking this time either.

Yes you did. You got that one side very well! I’m surprised it’s not still glowing this morning…

I smacked you an even number of times 😉

Hmmm… Did you? Was that number divisible by four, because I really like numbers divisible by four? They’re my favorite!

Yes! I’m sure I did 😉
But I suppose
next time you’ll want me to “balance it out”?

Of course…

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On His Lap

Oh my goodness! You should read the private rant post I published Tuesday afternoon!

Let me just say that I am glad it’s private.

https://i0.wp.com/www.uscmed.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/private-investigator2.jpg

Mr. X and I had plans for that night and they didn’t happen.

And I didn’t find out it wasn’t happening until almost 1PM.

It was just a misunderstanding.

As you know, I’m good at that when I spend too much time thinking.

Here’s a snippet:

Last Friday, at breakfast, Mr. X told me he thought *I* was going to break up with *him*

Which made *me* think *he* was going to break up with me

Now I am worried that he’s going to break up with me today at Wendy’s while we’re having dinner (I wish he never would have said anything. Now I worry about it and I didn’t before. Am I going to worry about it every time now? Rhetorical question, but probably!)

Last Friday I thought he was excited to spend the night together with me

His “girls” would be gone for the week and I would have all the time I would possibly want with him

Ha!

After going back and forth about which night, “Yes, Tuesday night,” is what he decided and he would probably rent the room through Thursday night

I told him it was silly to think that he would be able to get a room on New Year’s Eve.

He said he was going to try

It *seemed* like he really wanted to spend that time with me (at that moment on Friday morning)

But

Time passed…

And this afternoon he cancelled our overnight plans for this night (Tuesday)

Which probably also means “the other nights”, too

He did so after not saying anything about it since last Friday at breakfast

So… I was left thinking for the past 4 days that it was going to happen and I totally got my hopes up for an entire night alone with him, plus possibly more. I was looking forward to getting to know him better and finding out about spending more time together. Maybe go over my book

Instead he wants to meet me for dinner at a Wendy’s that’s on my way home

Ha!

This is when I started ranting about the inadequacies of being a “6.5” and I am trying not to dwell on that.

As luck would have it, Mr. X and I did meet at Wendy’s for ‘dinner’ Tuesday night and he did not break up with me.

He sat me down at a table and talked to me.

In fact, after I told him pretty much what I told you here just now, plus a little more, he apologized sincerely for freaking me out! *le gasp*

I didn’t even have to ask him!

It turns out that it hurt his feelings when I didn’t greet him with the customary big hug and kisses. I was intense and confused – he even told me I looked confused… And, when he found out I thought he was going to ‘break up’ with me it shocked him and hurt his feelings even more.

I told him I am scared I won’t be able to be his distraction. That I won’t be able to satisfy him, make him happy, proud, etc…

He reassured me that we’re learning each other. We will get to that…

I will do just fine…

We will be just fine…

I told him about all the different “me’s” inside of me and how I just want him to tell me which one he wants.

He told me that we wants to uncover all the different “me’s” together and find the ones I like and the ones I don’t. He would help me learn how to deal with all of them. Because all of them are a part of me. It turns out he’s willing to take the “full package deal” and sort it out from there.

(That should be distracting enough, eh?)

He wanted me to talk to him about Loserman and told me that I need to take time and grieve so soon after ending a 6-year relationship.

I explained that I don’t know how to grieve. I have not had to seriously deal with the loss of someone I cared about that much… Ever in my life. All the other times I have had loss, it was someone who wasn’t very close to me or something I didn’t really need so much. It’s been easy for me to just pack the feelings up and put them away ‘on a shelf’. This time, with Loserman, it’s different because there are so many fucking memories. And they absolutely flood me sometimes.

I told Mr. X that I want to make new memories because I think that might make it easier to put my “Loserman memories” on a shelf.

I seriously don’t know if that will work. It probably won’t. But Mr. X told me that he would help me try and figure it out. He told me that is why he is taking things so slowly with me.

Then he asked, intently

Now can I have my kiss?

OMG! Of course you can, Mr. X! I am so sorry.

Immediately I stood up from my seat across the table from him and asked if he wanted to stand up for his kiss or if he wanted me to come over and sit on his lap.

He only thought about it for a second and his answer was, “On my lap.”

I happily acquiesced.

It felt so good sitting there. I wasn’t surprised I liked it. On his lap. In his arms. Kissing him. Him kissing me. Both of us relaxing into each other after the tension.

Screw the fact that I was sitting on his lap at a freaking Wendy’s!

It was like we were the only two people there anyway. (Aside from the employees, I think we actually were for a little while!)

We didn’t get to spend much time tangled together like that and, as a result, I want to do it again…

…especially after he unearths yet another layer of me.

I am still relishing those last few moments of bliss in his arms.

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