Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

50 shades of ???

I Refuse the Ordinary

It’s been quite a while now, but I devoured all three books in the series and I’m not ashamed to say so.

If it wasn’t for those books, I probably never would have realized who I am.

And that the perverted thoughts I’d been having since puberty weren’t totally bad!

All of the sudden there was a whole new world presented to me, with real life possibilities of the fantasies I’d been having.

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Touch Me

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Fuck me right and fuck me now

Use my body

Give me a reason to cry

Pleasure

Pain

It’s all the same

When you’re touching me

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The Morning After

When my thoughts were finally able to succumb to peace, I slept for maybe 2 hours.

Which kept Alaska from sleeping well, too.

The previous night, after he had ravaged me to the point I was scared enough to ask if I could go home, he became very gentle with me. The way he made love to me, the way he held me in his arms, the way he spoke to me, the way he woke up each time I stirred and made sure I was okay…

I wasn’t, but at the time I didn’t feel like I could tell him that… I was worried I would get another whipping and my ass wasn’t ready again so soon… Or my mind. My knees and ankles were hurting me to the point I could barely stay still in the bed, let alone kneel before him and submit again.

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“Smoke”

Smoke

by CES CRU featuring Liz Suwandi

[Intro: Liz Suwandi]
Take off your blind fold
Tell me what you see
Interchanging doors
Not a corridor or screen
Your naked eye
Trapped inside a dream
Unveil your disguise
Because nothing’s what it seems

[Hook x2: Liz Suwandi]
You can tell me what you want
You can tell me what you need
But love is in the smoke
And we can’t even breathe
And I can not see you
And You can not see me
But love is in the smoke
And we can’t even breathe

[Verse 1: UBI]
You take everything you want, you take what you need
And me shattered into pieces is what you leave
It don’t matter what they see, no it just can’t be
Now our love is in the smoke, and I just can’t breathe
You got me gaspin’
I know when it will happen
Zappin’ all my energy, its sexual harassment
You see I’ll never be the same, now that we got close
Now my passion is for pain and I breathe hot smoke
Your love is like a drug, I wanna taste it
So slip it in my blood, I’m gonna take it
Addicted to your buzz, I’m wishin’ that you was mine
Sittin in your sunshine so amazin’
I’m baskin’ in the light
Light castin’ through the haze
Maybe we were meant to be
Maybe not, who could say
Now I look for you again
But I still can’t see
Cuz our love is in the smoke
Baby we can’t breathe

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Godemis]
I smell the smoke in the room
The room is’a buzzin’
She told me that the roof was on fire
I knew it wasn’t
Now the spot is heatin’ up
Gettin’ hotter under the collar
Let this motherfucker burn, shit
We don’t need any water
We can teeter and totter
But you don’t need to be coddled
I’m headed down this road alone
I don’t want you to follow
I’m sittin’ in the sun alone
Posted up in strangeland
Sippin’ KC teas, bumpin’ Kelvin rock and Raybans
Bitches think it’s all about the pussy and a spray tan
To each it’s own, if that completes your cypher, fuck it amen
It’s hot as hell out here
Maybe degrees over
She feels like she got burns
Maybe she needs closure
It feels like the pilot light is out in this bitch
I’m still in the kitchen, like really this is as hot as it gets?
I’m starin’ through the smoke, tryin’ to catch a last vision of her
The smoke’s rollin’ upward while the flame’s bein’ smothered

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I’m Just a Mom: Going to the Hospital

Sunday afternoon, Thing #1 started having a pain in her lower, right abdomen.

She told me about it Monday afternoon. We talked about it Monday evening and Googled her symptoms.

It seemed like she had appendicitis, from where the pain was located, and how the pain was acting. But she didn’t have a fever and she wasn’t throwing up and she didn’t have diarrhea.

We decided to wait through the night and see if things got worse.

There was no change, so Thing #1 decided to stay home Tuesday and see… When I got home from work Tuesday night, still nothing had changed.

Her pain level was the same and still there was no fever, vomiting or diarrhea.

I didn’t want it to get worse and Thing #1 has a very high pain tolerance, so I decided to take her to the Emergency Room rather than have some type of “rupture incident”.

We got there at about 6:45 and we were brought to a room around 8PM. They had to do a CAT scan on her to see if it was appendicitis and found out that it is a cyst on her ovary.

There’s nothing they can do about it, she will just have to be in pain until it goes away.

Today she is supposed to call the Gynecologist to make an appointment so she can get some medicine for the pain (she said it was manageable on Tuesday, but she’s staying home from school today because it hurts so bad) and learn more about the cyst — she may have to get an ultrasound to see how big it is or if it’s really bad.

This morning she just cried on my shoulder and needed hugs. I wish she would have asked for a prescription to relieve her pain when we were in the ER, but it wasn’t this bad on Tuesday I guess.

She said, “I wish this was just appendicitis because this would all be over and I would be getting better. Now I don’t know how long I will have to wait to feel good.”

I’m sad that she’s hurting so much, but I am glad that it’s nothing worse.

Woman in Pain

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