by Arctic Monkeys
Butt sex is dumb.
It seems like, when I choose a ‘partner’, I pick men who are emotionally unavailable – whether I know they are or not.
They used to be men who wouldn’t even take care of me, let alone “fight for me”. In fact, when I actually started needing my partner to be present in the relationship, neither of my long-term relationships lasted at all. Both of them discarded me easily when I started needing them as much as they needed me.
I hoped that this time, with TC, I chose differently.
Today, right before the ass-crack of dawn, I will finally be on my way to TC for the weekend!!!
My flight leaves at 5:45 and arrives in Houston at 9:05. I have all day Friday and all day Saturday! The sad part is, my return flight leaves at 1:55 PM Sunday, which means that I really should be to the airport by noon. Especially since I am not familiar with it (LOL! I am so poorly traveled!).
I can have some anxiety in crowds/situations when I am not familiar with the environment or I don’t have “someone comfortable” with me. It’s something that I am working on because I know it’s a huge weakness of mine, but thinking about it can get overwhelming. I have to keep reminding myself that it is NEVER as bad as I think it’s going to be. And, the airport has literally thousands of people who can help.
(get ready, this is gonna be a long one *smh* but also possibly very entertaining…)
I started a profile on FetLife a couple of months ago, but I haven’t done anything with it until recently. It probably has something to do with the fact that my first contact came on the first day and he was a total jerk that wanted to Top me immediately and get me into the group thing (and not the “munch” kind of group). He wasn’t even remotely polite about it either.
My profile blatantly states that I am totally new at this D/s & BDSM thing.
I told him that I was more interested in exploring things before I get into a full-blown orgy (although I might not be opposed to one at some point… I don’t know…) and that was the end of the conversation.
Well, last week when I ventured out again, I ‘met’ a nice man from Maine. He’s been spending time getting to know me. In fact, my recent venture into kinky erotica was first written in email-form to him. Not once has he asked me to call him Sir. We are just having respectful (and sometimes erotic and kinky) chat.
(excerpt from The Secret of Healthy Relationships on omswami.com)
… … … love other things together and don’t lose sight of the good you have. When you are able to love not just the person you love but what they love, your relationship reaches a whole new level. If what matters to them starts to mean something to you, living together becomes a great deal easier.
Loving and living together at the same time is only possible when two people care about what the other person loves.
You also need to have forgiveness in your heart. ~ Me
I want so badly for someone to be proud of me and to tell me they’re proud of me.
To value me and help me feel that value.
To treasure me like I know I deserve to be treasured.
To wear me on his arm like a prize.
I do all that I like and enjoy almost every single day, but I still feel unfulfilled and I still struggle to fill that void.
I search for validation from my partner because, no matter how hard I try and no matter what I tell myself, I still do not have the power to validate my Very. Own. Self.
I want to bloom, but I don’t know how to nurture the tiny baby blossoms.