Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

The Beginning of the End

Read Part 1 here

Anyway, Sunday night “Good nights” were crap.

While I was in the air on my way home from my first trip to see him, TC had been reading my blog. He read the table of contents – more precisely the “Other ‘Other’ Men” page (which was temporarily removed… Too little too late. I know. The damage had already been done…). I went to bed completely hating on myself.

After such an awesome weekend with him, I wanted to have some time to swoon. But instead, this.

Therefore, Monday morning sucked. To make it worse, on top of my hating myself, TC avoided me all day long. He didn’t respond to my messages on Facebook and I think I even sent him a text. I tried to stay positive, though. Reminding myself that he has two jobs and a daughter; eventually that all has to factor in. I got used to his attention daily when, in reality, he has much more important things to deal with than me.

I felt so yucky Monday afternoon that I almost called to cancel a job interview I had scheduled for Tuesday morning. But I didn’t. Read the rest of this entry »

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A Whole Different Person

alone

Right now I am on my second visit to TC.

I have total mixed feelings about it. Sometimes I am totally excited and then, other times…

I don’t know, you tell me –

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Us

I_BARE_SKIN

Today, right before the ass-crack of dawn, I will finally be on my way to TC for the weekend!!!

My flight leaves at 5:45 and arrives in Houston at 9:05. I have all day Friday and all day Saturday! The sad part is, my return flight leaves at 1:55 PM Sunday, which means that I really should be to the airport by noon. Especially since I am not familiar with it (LOL! I am so poorly traveled!).

I can have some anxiety in crowds/situations when I am not familiar with the environment or I don’t have “someone comfortable” with me. It’s something that I am working on because I know it’s a huge weakness of mine, but thinking about it can get overwhelming. I have to keep reminding myself that it is NEVER as bad as I think it’s going to be. And, the airport has literally thousands of people who can help.

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Sk8cation: Saturday Morning

To read about Friday’s adventure click here

BlameItOnYourPeriod

I got my mother-fucking period.

Again!

And on my Sk8cation, too!!

That is officially 3 ‘cycles’ in as many weeks.

Before we left I figured I should be safe for a few days, right? Even a few weeks?

Fuck this change-of-life shit!

It actually started at the end of our drive Friday night, but I was hoping it was a fluke and only mild spotting (just like I thought the prior week right before I got period #2).

Nope. It wasn’t spotting. Saturday morning I woke up with another full-blown menstrual period!

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A week is too long!

Sometimes I think I can be strong and wait the entire week to talk to my Loverman.

Most of the time I am wrong.

Don’t ask me why I do this – maybe to test my “strength”? I am always afraid that he is going to get sick of me, so I don’t want to make a pest of myself. Plus, I tell myself that if he wants to (or he’s not busy) he will call.One week I actually made it from Sunday afternoon to the following Saturday morning without talking to him! I sent him a couple sexy texts on Wednesday and Thursday – because I was REALLY thinking about him and stuff. But by the time I actually talked to him, I had already had two complete emotional breakdowns and enough tequila to knock out a young elephant! (j/k – I was just dreaming about having that much tequila – doh… but I am serious about the emotions. Man, that hormone roller-coaster gets me every single time. And DAMN, cleaning up the mess it leaves can really sting!)

So this week again, I’m probably not going to get to see him until Saturday night, but that’s the nature of this beast.
<sigh> another whole week of waiting
As you can read, I have survived before and I shall survive again! It helps that right now I am in a mood that says: “Why waste my few short times of happiness with him wishing that there was more?” (Last night’s amazing phone sex aside…) This week it looks like I can manage without the tequila!

One of the things about Loverman that I am the most thankful for is: the longer he and I are together, the more I become capable of dealing with the sad things and dwelling on the happy things. He really has helped me grow as a person (however, he is just as catty as I am when it comes to judging overweight people who can’t dress…) — I know it isn’t him that helped me grow, not intentionally anyway… But I understand that it’s the choices I make about how I look at things that allowed me to grow within myself. Regardless, I spend a lot less time now lamenting what could/should have been and a lot more time being thankful for what I really do have.

My Sexy Loverman is really the person that brought about that change in my attitude.

The world is too random. I have no idea what will happen in the next 5 minutes and I have a tendency to be a bit “fatalistic” (I call it realistic. The husband says otherwise – but I really don’t care what he thinks anyway).

Sometimes, I can’t maintain “my inner peace” and I feel like my world has pretty much shattered to pieces around me. But, that’s really only about 4 days a month and I know those days are bound to be looming out there for everyone. So, I “hunker down” and try to tell myself that I will only feel this way for a couple more days. Nothing is wrong with the way things are, just the way I am looking at them – and that will change very soon…

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