Aside

The Love of a Musician

You play my body like a harp

Plucking my consonant heartstrings

Strumming my musical pleasures

A cadence of body beats

Our moans a choral symphony

Harmonizing in melodious union

The gentle tintinnabulation of your fingers

Caressing me to a crescendo

Diminishing to a lullaby

Words inspired by:
The Love of a Musician
by Ivan Koulakov

 

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The Kisser: Now I Remember…

Refreshers: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

(Finally!! Right?!)

I arrived at The Kisser’s house and let myself in as instructed.

He stood up from his place on the couch, walked toward me and immediately began kissing the hell out of me.

Mmmmm! They was as good as I remembered!!

Unlike the first/last time, there was no small talk while we sat and got comfortable with each other – I don’t even know why he led me over to his couch! We only kissed there for a couple of moments before he said, “I’m gonna cum all over the living room before I even taste your pussy! Let’s go to the bedroom.”

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On: Being a Good Little Slut

On: Being a Good Little Slut

I may or may not have misbehaved this past weekend… 😉

Good morning

Good morning, Sunshine! Happy Saturday 😀

What are you up to?

Running errands and going to the eye doctor.

What’s wrong with your eyes?

I get new glasses. Woo hoo!

Oh, new glasses. Nice.
I was gonna see if you could come over for a quickie. lol

Darnit! I’m all the way across town.

Well, give me a shout on your way back. If I’m not working, you can stop by for a few.

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Will You Marry Me?

Will You Marry Me?

For the beginning of the story, click here

Where-you-need-to-be.jpg

I don’t know what to name him… Usually something comes to me… Maybe “Steamboat” because that’s where he’s moving and he’s kind of a dreamboat 😉 or DS for Dreamboat in Steamboat… I don’t know. Maybe you can think of something.

He’s my age, attractive, intelligent, half black, half Mexican, only about an inch taller than me and very, very skinny (doesn’t shave his nethers either, hmmm…). He’s been a registered nurse for 20 years and loves his family who he goes to see every year. He wants to open his own retirement home and has a plan already in process. He likes EDM (electronic dance music), Pink Floyd, classic rock… He likes the same drugs as I do and likes to drink, but knows how to be safe because he’s a nurse. He drives a brand spanking new Miata and one would *think* he’s gay except for (maybe) the way he eats my pussy and kisses me… Damn!

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Puzzle Pieces

Puzzle Pieces

It wasn’t long after I started messing around with Alaska that I had a painful realization about my “relationship” with my father.

I think it was at the end of the very first night he really spanked me hard and marked me.

As he was holding me in his arms and my ass was glowing red, I started to cry.

I couldn’t remember the last time my father touched me.

In fact, I struggled to remember if he ever had.

That’s probably when I started getting attached.

But Alaska wasn’t emotionally available.

EmotionallyUnavailable

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Trying Something a Little Different

Trying Something a Little Different

Patience
credit: Lessa’s Memories

 

I bared myself in front of him, all except for my panties

At first I wanted it to be all about him

If my panties were on, I was less tempted to jump on top of him too soon

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Word of the Day: Love

Word of the Day: Love

I promised this last Monday, but I had other things to say this week, so it kind of got put to the side. When I was looking for definitions and descriptions of limerence I found this article by the same doctor.

In Search of Love by blackjack0919 on DeviantArt
In Search of Love
by blackjack0919 on DeviantArt

The Definition of Love

By: Dr. J. Richard Cookerly

Want to know what love is?

Here’s a short, comprehensive, working definition of love concerning every type of healthy real love from a parent’s love of a child to love of a pet, of nature, of a cause, etc.,  and including both romantic and healthy self love.

“Healthy Real Love is
A powerful, vital, natural process of
highly valuing, desiring for,
often acting for, and taking pleasure in
the well-being of the loved. “

LOVE’S  DEFINITION – MAJOR ELEMENTS

High Valuing  – hold in high esteem, see as of much merit, prize, treasure, cherish, respect, appreciate, affirm the worth of, admire, assess as important, hold precious, see as fine, excellent, matchless, superior, uniquely fitting, incomparable, special. Healthy real love consistently highly values the loved.

Powerful – strong, vigorous, mighty, indomitable, potent, forceful, influential, effectual, energy-filled, dynamic, ascendant, prevailing. Healthy real love is amazingly powerful.

Vital – important to life, necessary to life process and function, alive, viable, of paramount importance to continued existence, thriving, having to do with the life force and its cardinal process, a biological, neuro-chemical, psycho-neuro-physiological phenomenon. Healthy real love is a great, vital force for healthy life.

Natural – of nature, part of essential existence, inherently of fundamental reality, intrinsically part of the cosmos, especially essential to the processes of nature and natural existence, in life a biological, neuro-chemical, psycho-socio-neuro-physiological phenomenon. We are naturally constructed to thrive via love.

Process – an active succession of systematic, changing operations with a developing progressive, onward organized flow. Healthy real love is a growth process.

Desiring for the Well-Being of the Loved – wishing and wanting for the loved to live well, be well, do well, be happy and thrive; and when not so doing wanting the loved to return to well-being.

Acting for the Well-Being of the Loved — behaving often or whenever possible to nurture, protect, assist, support, affirm, heal, cause improvement and otherwise promote the well-being of the loved.

Taking pleasure in the Well-Being of the Loved – experiencing joy, happiness and many other positive emotions when the loved is perceived as doing well, thriving, succeeding, growing, healthfully happy and ascendant; this often involves pleasure sharing with the loved.

Well-Being – a state of thriving, championed by those who love healthfully; the absence of a loved one’s well-being is threatening to those who love and the absence is a consistent motivation to assist, when needed or useful, the continuance of well-being.

Whenever there is healthy real love the above will be present.  Various types of unhealthy false or pseudo-love will lack one or more of the above elements; although faking can make this hard to discern usually the factor of time will unmask unhealthy false or pseudo-love.

Happy Friday!

Word of the Day: Limerence

Word of the Day: Limerence

I can’t get this out of my head. Thank you, Woman Invisible and Exit 4A.

Image result for limerence

I don’t know how I feel about this word. It’s a nice word and all, don’t get me wrong. I love new and big words. It just makes me uncomfortable. Maybe because of its ambiguity or how closely it hits home…

Either way, it brings up a lot of questions.

Doesn’t everyone have an obsessive need to have their feelings reciprocated?

Doesn’t everyone feel limerence for their significant other at some point/s over and over again in their lives?

Can long-term limerence ever evolve into actual love?

Am I just grasping at straws now because I am feeling so lost?

How can you tell if you’re actually in love with a person? Or, is it just limerence?

Was limerence the feeling I was having when I married Doom-n-Gloom or was it always just rebellion against my parents?

Is Loverman simply my current limerent interest? Most likely. Right?

If so, that fact hurts me more deeply than words can express. If it’s true, then I am not sure I can actually love a man per se.

It would seem that I go around telling myself that I love someone when I really don’t.

HOLY CRAP! How do I go about not feeling this way as I establish future relationships?

I found this article by Dr. Richard Cookerly, relational psychotherapist. I don’t know if it helped do much more than bring up an infinite amount of questions and self-doubt within myself.

Here’s an excerpt. I liked this entire section, but I find the paragraph at the end to be most heartbreaking enlightening:

Having at least seven of these symptoms is sufficient to qualify for being seen as probably in limerence and not really in a true, healthy love state.

  1. Experiencing intrusive, interruptive, obsessive thinking about the supposed loved one mixed with, but not limited to, romantic and passionate desire interfering with practical living, clear appropriate thinking and functioning
    I *am* having an affair with him, right?
  2. Having acute longing for another’s reciprocal feelings of desire and focus of attention to the point of disrupting sleep and effecting appetite
    Guilty. Ummm… I’m just guilty on this one…
  3. Having a strong emotional dependency on another’s reciprocating positive regard, sexual desire and approval with frequent over-interpretation and mis-interpretation of another’s perceived relationship related words and actions, and severe feelings of rejection and agitation when experiencing anything undesired occurring in the relationship
    Doesn’t EVERYONE get agitated and experience negative feelings when a loved one rejects them or undesired occurrences happen in the relationship? Doesn’t everyone seek approval and validation?
  4. The inability to be strongly interested in, attracted to, or love-involved with anyone but the person one is limerently focused on resulting in neglectful treatment of children, family, friends and sometimes self
    I don’t know. I’ve never really had a lot of friends – usually just one or two very close ones. I can’t stand my family so I have always avoided them, and I try not to neglect my children.
  5. Unreasonably strong fear of rejection, sometimes at a nearly incapacitating level in the early stage of a limerent attachment, sometimes accompanied with uncharacteristic shyness, awkwardness and fear of doing something which will ruin the developing limerent relationship
    This fear is 100% me. I am always afraid that saying the wrong thing will mess everything up, but I don’t just feel that way about my relationship with Loverman — I feel that way whenever I have a problem/argument with anyone
  6. Anxiety about losing another briefly, relieved with intense fantasy of romantic and sexual union with that person
    Don’t we all fantasize about things that make us happy? Especially when we’re UNhappy?!
  7. Intensification of romantic connecting desires and efforts when meeting adversity or opposition to the relationship
    Aren’t strong and good relationships SUPPOSED to get stronger in times of adversity? And my waxing and waning feelings for Loverman have nothing to do with other peoples’ opinions.
  8. Actively over-interpreting another’s perceived positive responses and characteristics with strong down-playing of that same person’s more ordinary and negative actions, traits, characteristics, words, etc.
    First off, I am a woman. We overthink things. That being said, everybody is different, right? Some actions of friends might effect us more strongly than others. Perception is relative.
  9. Physical pain in the center of the chest, shallow breathing and physical nervousness with a sense of dread when any small, medium or large insecurity or uncertainty about the relationship occurs
    I used to feel this all the time when I was a kid. There would be a huge black hole of dread in my chest whenever I thought I disappointed someone: Parent, Teacher, Minister, God. This isn’t something only related to Loverman.
  10. When small, positive input from the person one is limerent about occurs an over-reaction of ebullience, sense of buoyant ‘walking on air’ and exhilaration results during the early stages of the relationship
    Aren’t compliments supposed to make a person happy? No matter who they are from? No matter how big or small?
  11. A general lessening of acting responsibly or fairly to others, decreased carrying out of obligations, duties, etc. and a decrease of attending to goal achievement with a distinct decrease in functioning with necessary awareness of others beside the person of limerent focus
    It would seem that my BLOG is a limerent focus of mine! LOL!
  12. A tendency to interpret the supposed loved one’s negative actions as somehow positive or give them excuses, acceptance and even high approval, and an avoidance or denial of perceiving their destructive and dysfunctional actions
    I hurt when Loverman hurts me. I do not make excuses to justify him.
  13. High, unrealistic adoration at first, later fading and disappearing
    My feelings for Loverman now are stronger than they were in the beginning. But, in the beginning, I did adore him unrealistically. Ultimately, I guess you can still call it unrealistic because we are both married to other people
  14. Intensive pleasure when together, and intensive anxiety when separated or when the supposed loved one is around possible competitors, later fading to indifference and even annoyance
    We still have intensive pleasure when we’re together, even after 6 years. People change and relationships evolve – sometimes together sometimes apart. So far, my relationship with Loverman is still teaching me things and making me happy. There may be a point in the future where Loverman and I change differently and drift apart. I am anxious for that day 😦
  15. ‘Tunnel vision’ focusing on the supposed loved one and little else, plus blindness to all else of importance, later turning into a blindness to the supposed loved one’s developmental growth, changes and new ways of being themselves
    Guilty 100% – I have to stop giving him money blindly and there are probably other things, too. But I nurture emotional growth in him and he continues to perpetuate emotional growth in me.

People sometimes ask why does limerence exist?  The thinking goes something like this.  Mother nature invented or evolved limerence so that two people will become strongly bonded together, for two to four years, which is just enough time to get a child started in life.  Then their feelings for each other will fade or turn off, so that they will end their relationship and go looking for others to temporarily mate with and, therefore, mix the gene pool.  This is one of mother nature’s ways of ensuring genetic variety and improvement of the species, along with contributing ultimately to the survival of our species.  It is thought that most limerent people start to ‘fall out of love’ when after two to four years they either don’t have a child or a child has been born and is on the way to growing up.  Of course, this automatic shutdown of strong, positive feelings for the supposed loved spouse or mate often brings about great emotional, relational, familial and social disruption.  This is especially true in a society that has made little or no allowances for this kind of relationship phenomenon.

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As you can see in my blue text answers, I will admit that I have almost all of these symptoms. And you can also see that I posed a lot of questions excuses.

It has caused a lot of introspecting and has totally thrown my idea of love completely out the window.

Am I even capable of love or am I destined to spend my life “falling in limerence” with every man who shows a decent amount of interest in me?

I feel so much more broken now than I did before.

Before I thought I was looking for something. Now I feel like I am destined to have these temporary, empty relationships.

And it’s instinctive?

I feel adrift in this knowledge…

limerence

Stay tuned for next week’s Word of the Day: Love.

Sexy Tickle Fight

Sexy Tickle Fight

TickleFight

… … … I imagine both of us in a silly tickle-wrestling match, your hard body overpowering mine as you bring me down underneath you. Our bodies in a tangled tickle-mess of sexyness as you slowly enter me and fill up my hot, wet pussy completely with your stiff and throbbing cock.

You pull out of me gradually and then enter my steamy wetness again and again, making sure I can feel every single pulsing vein on your rock-hard dick. I am moaning and writhing underneath you in pleasure, squeezing all my inner-muscles tightly around you in an attempt to hold you deep inside me… In and out, faster and faster until both of us are sweaty and I can no longer control my orgasms; my back arching, hips grinding into yours in involuntary convulsions, feeling complete release … … …

Love,
Smitten

Mm… Mmm… Mmmmm…!

JaneFonda-Barbarella