Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Still on a Break

So, I guess we’re still on our “break” (not that I am counting, but it has been 20 days).

I am completely losing my mind! I can’t focus on a goddamn thing!

I need to get out of my marriage… *sigh* Loverman is almost out of his and I think he is wanting me to take a bigger step. I don’t know. The things he said to me Sunday were so cryptic. I have so much thinking to do…

He is trying to get all of his stuff moved out of Diva’s house before the bank finally forecloses on it. He has no idea when that’s going to happen, but she hasn’t paid the mortgage for almost a year now. After that he has nowhere to go. Literally nowhere.

I am scared for him and I love him (I think) so I want to help and protect him (I think).

Sunday we got together to test drive my car. He’s been working on my Plymouth Breeze forever the last five years. It’s totally done now. I feel like I should be happier and more excited. I feel like I didn’t appreciate him enough.

On Father’s Day, after he hadn’t slept for over 24 hours (his choice, I get it, but still), I decided to push his buttons.

I fucked up a perfectly good day because I wanted to have a fucking discussion about trust (trust seems to be the theme-of-the-month).

He was telling me that he didn’t want to give me the switch for the sunroof in my truck because he thought the glass was slightly off track and wanted to be sure it was secure before I opened it on the highway and it flew off. We have talked about this already a couple of times.

I understood and told him that I just wanted the switch so I could open it a crack on my way home waiting in traffic (the AC in my truck fucks up the gas mileage something fierce so I don’t run it, but it gets really hot in there) and I don’t drive on the highway to get to and from work.

He said something about his friends Sean and Joseph and how he lets THEM have/do stuff and they don’t listen to him and then call him a week later to tell him those things are now broken.

I tried to tell him that I don’t like it when he doesn’t trust me based on something SOMEONE ELSE did (my parents were like that – it’s totally a sore spot for me). Most times I try to do what he asks me to do. Really hard. Most times he is right, and I like how he’s proud of me when I do what he says.

You would think that all the times I do (or don’t do) something that he asked me to (or not to) do, I should get credibility points or something. (I totally understand that my reasoning is flawed here because Loverman would be devastated if he found out I was fooling around on him – regardless of what he has told me in the past.)

He kept interjecting with “But” and giving me a reason why he didn’t trust me based upon a different someone else’s actions.

I got really upset, then he got really upset.

He left to get the sunroof switch.

He brought it back to me.

I could tell you the rest, but it’s long and boring. I was being a douche and so was he. We talked about uneven teeter-totters, trust and living together, broken marriages and futility.

None of it good, sadly. Or maybe it was, in the bigger picture.

This week he has been avoiding me, but I get it. He needs space and right now he is totally overwhelmed with life kicking him in the ass. The last thing he needs is a selfish girlfriend telling him she needs more validation.

I miss him, but every single year in June this shit happens with us. So, this year I am going to try and let it blow over and appreciate my alone time to sit back and reflect.



Things in General

I was hoping that I would get the replacement charger/power supply for my laptop before the weekend, but it looks like that isn’t going to happen 🙂 I did go to Best Buy last weekend to get one, though. It turns out that the chargers are 3-times more expensive there (or at Radio Shack) than through EBay *sigh*. So, I paid $11.99 instead of $37-$70 and I am now at the mercy of the seller and the USPS. If I’m lucky, I will get it Saturday.

Yesterday and today have been a little quieter at work. Which is really nice because I have been so busy lately that I have been making to-d0 lists and prioritizing things. Busy is nice, too, it’s just nice to have a break. (**PLUG** If you or someone you love is looking to buy or sell a house in Denver, let me know and I can hook you up with our website and one of our agents! 🙂 )

Sad EeyoreMr. Doom-n-Gloom has been his regular gloomy self. I would say that he is like Eeyore, but Eeyore is cute and endearing, Mr. Gloom is only dreary and gloomy. He wears it like a uniform — something that he puts on every single day when he leaves his hole of a bedroom. I would expect that he would be a little more happy because he got the test results from his most recent bloodwork and found out that his kidneys are now functioning at 42% — up 8% from three months ago. He was disappointed that I didn’t do a happy dance with him, but I wouldn’t be happy if my kidneys were only cleaning out my body at 42% effectiveness… Especially since his complete bodily neglect is what landed him in this predicament to begin with — still now he isn’t eating what he’s supposed to and he’s stopped exercising completely! I can be thankful to him, though, because he has really inspired me to lose weight and stop doing evil things to my body. I want to be around until my kids are sick of me and praying for me to die! I want to see Thing #1 and Thing #2 as adults. I want to see my grandkids grow up and become adults (if my girls have any). When I ask Mr. Gloom about these things, he just shrugs and says, “If I see them I see them.” He has already resigned himself to death-by-60 and, even though his father has broken the ‘curse‘, Mr. Gloom is perpetuating a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.

On another gloom note… Boss-lady stayed home today because of the weather, so that has given bitchy girl, my co-worker, carte blanche to do whatever she wants. She spent two hours from the second she got here at 9AM, arguing with different customer service reps about car loans and why they won’t give her one… I am guessing they really won’t give her one if she keeps talking to them the way she has been… A while ago, a full 135 minutes after she got here, she stormed out of the office and slammed the door. Honestly, I am completely over her professionalism drama. Every fucking time that boss-lady is gone, bitchy girl has a meltdown — I am just hoping this time that it doesn’t overflow on me. Just a sec, let me go close my door in case she gets any ideas of who to go after next…

Okay, now for a little bit of goodness (because that’s what really keeps me going)…
Loverman and I have been totally enjoying each other’s company and I have been completely reveling in it. The last 4 months have been filled with fairly consistent date nights and skate nights. As for the sk8venture that we’re taking this October, I am SO excited! We’ve talked about it a couple of times and I think I have convinced him to go to the Price is Right on the Monday before we leave. If he’s serious, I am going to find out more info 🙂 It would be SO COOL if we got picked.

Last week my truck, Bear, started acting totally crazy. He doesn’t want to go up hills any more. Just a couple of weeks ago he had so much torque… Maybe he’s just sick of driving us up the mountain every week for “date night”. It’s also been revving like crazy — it acts like the throttle is stuck open, but it isn’t. Oil has been leaking through the valve cover gasket and saturating the spark plugs and wires. So, Loverman cleaned out the cylinders, the spark plugs and the plug wires on Monday and that seemed to help a little — but, sadly, not as much as it has been. This summer, we’re going to take him apart again and rebuild the engine — we were going to do it last year, but Loverman hasn’t been able to finish up my car yet. Once my ’95 Plymouth Breeze is back up and running, it will be time to work on Bear. He needs it.

It’s going to be a cold and snowy weekend here in Denver. I am going to try and finish the book I’ve been reading: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

And then, of course there’s the Super Bowl!!


Time to Ride

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Wonderful Wednesday

Wednesday afternoon I got this text: Call me, I have questions about the Breeze.

The conversation that followed made me completely laugh my ass off for like 20 minutes…

For some background: Loverman has been working on my old Plymouth Breeze for the last few years. It’s become quite the project for him and, since I already have a reliable form of transportation, neither one of us is in a rush to finish it. You see, almost 5 years ago I had to have the water pump replaced at a popular commercial repair shop. They absolutely botched the job — when they replaced the timing belt, they put it on the wrong way and when they test drove it, the engine threw a rod. They called me and told me that the car was finished, I paid the $1,500 final bill, they went back into the shop to get me my car and took a REALLY long time, finally they came out and told me that they couldn’t get the car started and proceeded to tell me all the new things that were wrong with it… I was so angry at them! I wasn’t about to pay them any MORE money! It never would have busted if they had fixed it right to begin with!!

At this point, Loverman and I had barely just met so I didn’t know yet that he was a mechanic. We were only working together. If I had already known that he was a mechanic, I would have just asked Loverman to fix the damn thing and then I would have a working car (but then I wouldn’t have my awesome truck, Bear, either!). Eventually, after a pain in the ass struggle with the shop and a lot of begging Loverman (once I knew he could help me fix the broken car), he came and got the car and brought it back to his house — that was about a year after the shop fucked up my shit.


I promptly called him back because I was a little worried that he was going to cancel our long-awaited sexy night together: we haven’t had a chance to “hook up” for three weeks (Loverman makes fun of me because I keep track of each time we’re ‘together’) and, with all of the parents coming into town this weekend for graduation, I thought it would be a really good idea to release any pent-up sexual tension before they all arrived.

I called him.

Loverman: What year did you said the Breeze was?

Me: Ummmm….. ’97, no ’95! The Neon we had was a ’97 and I keep getting them confused…. … … … I think…

Loverman: That’s what I thought. You and “Mr. Doom-n-Gloom” have been telling me this entire time that the car was a ’95, but really it’s a ’97!!!

I started to giggle and responded, “But you’ve had the car this entire time! VIN and all. AND, you could have just opened the door and looked on the door frame and you would have seen what year it was right there… You’re so funny! I am sorry to laugh but this is funny!”

Loverman: That’s what I thought you would say. (I could hear that he was smiling, too.)

Me: You know me so well. <more laughing> I am SO sorry we told you the wrong year! <giggle>

Loverman: That’s why I’ve been having such a hard time fixing this! You’re such a peanut! All this time I was going off of what you guys told me…

The conversation went on like this for a few more minutes and, once it was winding down and I was starting to settle down, I abruptly changed the subject and asked “We’re still on for tonight, right? Because I am getting off work at 4:30 and I am so ready for you!!” (the last few days I had been texting him sexy tidbits because I couldn’t stop thinking about his sexy tidbits!)

Loverman: You have my skates right?

Me: Do you want to go skating? I didn’t know we were going skating tonight, I don’t have my skates or a change of clothes. But, yes, your skates are in the truck.

Loverman was quiet in thought and I broke the silence to say, “It’s okay if you want to skate tonight, baby! I hadn’t planned on it, but I can just go home and get my skates and some clothes and tell the family I’m going skating. It’s no big deal.”

After he thought for a little while longer and I said a few more times, “It’s okay for you to want to do something, too!” Eventually he decided that he wanted to go!

My original plan was very basic, so changing it wasn’t much of a deal: check into the Motel, text Loverman the room number, pick up dinner while I was waiting for him to get there, and then eat food and drink margaritas until he felt like it was time to get naked. Now we would just save the margaritas until later and get dressed again after we got naked (because I was determined to get a piece of that ass as soon as possible!) so we could go skating. Once we got back from skating, we would get naked again and take our shower. Easy-peasy!

And that’s exactly how it went: Pizza Hut for dinner with some Root Beer (no drinking before skating, not even a little. Been there, done that, no fun!), some getting-naked with some sexy booty-knockin’ before skating, we had an AWESOME time skating (but we almost always do!) and then we went back to our room and got naked for our shower (because skating is some sweaty business!).

It was what happened after the shower that blew my mind!

We had just dried off and were eating some more of the pizza and drinking our margaritas. Nude, lounging on the beds, facing each other when he yanked my towel from me, grabbed me by the waist with both hands, and threw me onto the bed where I was just so peacefully drinking my drink. He laid his naked sexy body down next to mine and started kissing me. His lips are SO luxurious, but he had just shaved off his mustache, so kissing him was very different; like kissing on really sensual fine grit sandpaper. Also, looking at him was strange. He was still the same old Loverman, he just looked SO very young and it made me feel a bit like I was robbing the cradle — even though he’s 2 1/2 years older than me! All night long I kept looking at him. It was so was strange — I was so turned on by someone who didn’t really look like my lover, but he did…

We lay there, naked next to each other, his body barely touching mine. He softly traced his rough-skinned fingers around the base of my neck. Stopping at the peak of my sternum to begin trailing down my chest; using the valley between my breasts to pause and slide up each mound to tweak each nipple, circle each aureola, enough to wake them both up. Resuming their trail southward to tickle my belly button and then the two ticklish indentations right where my hips meet my legs, his touch became a feather’s caress and I could feel my skin turning to goose-flesh; my legs twitching each time he hit a “tickly spot”.

Right before he threw me on the bed, we were playfully arguing about who would be rocking who’s world more! I guess he had decided that HE would be blowing MY mind tonight (at least for right now 😉 ).

I let him.

Gently, he parted my legs and slowly caressed my girly-parts with his work-roughened fingers while he positioned his body next to mine to delicately nibble on one nipple, then the other. Taking time on each to make sure she did not feel the least bit neglected. Each time he took me into his mouth, he nibbled a little harder and sucked a little longer. Each time, my back arched further into him, bidding him to continue.

Eventually his mouth followed the same trail down my belly that his fingers had made not so long ago. I could feel every silky, smooth hair on my body rise up to meet his touch, as if every single one of them wanted their own special attention. He hesitated a moment at the apex of my thighs and his hands parted my legs even further, using his fingers to part the petals of my rosebud. As he peeked in, he blew steamy, sexy breath that felt so cool and electrifying, into my practically throbbing wetness. I heard myself moan his name in pleasure. His response was to flick the very tip of my clitoris with his tongue. Once… Twice… I felt his finger barely enter me and circle around inside as he flicked his tongue again. Every flick harder and closer and with every flick I parted my legs a little farther, begging him for more.

While one of his hands was barely tickling around inside of me and his tongue was working magic on my pussy, his other hand (I can’t tell you which one, I can barely remember this much!) wandered back up my chest and cupped one of my breasts in the palm of his hand while his thumb roughly rubbed against the nipple. My back arched even further, filling his hand completely with my breast and pushing my love candy right into his mouth. Loverman responded by sucking my clitoris into his mouth and I felt my body rising to climax. I felt him humming happily as he drew his tongue back and forth against my swollen clit. That humming felt so good, along with all the other stimulation, I came again almost immediately. His oral rhythm slowed as he inserted his finger a little further inside of me, exploring for that inner g-spot, finding it successfully and rocking my body to yet another orgasm!

Pleased with himself, he stopped pleasuring me only for a moment in order to stand up at the side of the bed. He grabbed me by the hips again, but this time he pulled my body over to the edge of the bed, matching my hips up to his as he stood there. I could feel him poke softly a few times and then he slid his throbbing thickness into my velvety wetness. We moaned in unison as he entered into me completely; holding himself inside of me for a moment as I caressed him with my inside muscles. He pulled out of me almost entirely and slowly embedded himself into me, deeper and deeper, over and over. My hips constantly keeping and changing rhythm with his. As he gradually increased speed to reach his climax, my body was racked with constant spasms of pleasure. Under my breath I was begging him, “Cum, Baby, cum! You feel so good. You need to cum. I feel like I’m going to explode!”

He plunged his stiffness into me one last time, filling me up thoroughly, and loudly groaned as total gratification embraced us both. It was amazing! I could practically hear my skin glowing I felt so bright. There was a huge smile on my face as Loverman laid his spent self on top of me and lay there with his own glow.

We laid there, tangled together, and dozed for an indeterminate amount of time. It felt so good to have him right there on top of me; so close…

I woke up to Loverman peeling his body away from mine. “No, baby! Don’t go! You feel so warm and comfortable laying there.”

“Mamacita is thirsty” is all he said as he walked over to the sink, filled up a cup with ice and water and brought it back to me. He’s so thoughtful my heart practically melted there on the spot. He also grabbed a towel to clean off our sweatiness and poured us each another margarita in our ‘fancy’ plastic cups.

We moved over to the other bed to sleep, or so he thought, but I was going to get my turn, too!