Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

“She’s Beautiful”

Wednesday evening, before I went skating, I recorded a version of a lovely poem by Da Absentee – “She’s Beautiful” – and emailed it to him.

It is amazing and beautiful and traumatic and agonizing all at the same time.

Reading it was like he was in my head.

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Speechless and Senseless


I hate how there are tons of things I want to write to you; about you.

But when I start to put the thoughts to words, the ideas just seem stupid. Read the rest of this entry »


The Far-ness of You

An Empty Coffee Cup Is Like A Broken Heart Both Are Waiting To be Filled Again

I’m cold

and I want to be warm

I’m empty

but I wish to be full

I’m lusty

with a need to be sated

Where have you gone?
Why have you left me?

Like dusk has fallen
Never to be retraced
I wait for a sun
Reluctantly replaced

Time erodes away from me
Oozing past as toxic waste
Again and again of you
I yearn to be graced

In vain, by your lovely presence
Your love for me has been displaced
Your nearness to me
No longer can I embrace

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My Response/s

I find it oddly coincidental that I received so much communication from you immediately after I re-opened my Ashley Madison account.

Why did you wait to send all of your emails at the same exact second? Why couldn’t you send each email one at a time, every 2-3 days starting last Sunday…??? If you had done that, this wouldn’t even be happening and we would probably be on “better terms” as you say.

This is stoopid hard! In fact, I don’t even know why you keep coming back… Is it so you can let me down again and then be able punish/hate yourself for fucking up again? Do you want (or need) me (or your wife) to be disappointed in you? Are you creating distance between us on purpose? Why are you making it so hard for me to be vulnerable with you? Why do you find it so difficult to be vulnerable with me? I don’t understand… It always seemed like Loserman was doing all of that, too…

I don’t believe you are being entirely forthcoming with me. My thinking that you are keeping things from me doesn’t help me to trust you.

Your poem was entirely too cryptic…

We had become attached.
There was more to it than that.
The layers and partitions have changed.
It was never my intention to become estranged.
Strange how this works.
Both women in my life are saying I am making them hurt.
I apologize for my change in focus.
My changes, are the things that broke us…


(his response to my post Fade Away)

I just want to give up every time things get tough. I like you a big fat shit ton, but I’m not actually convinced that you like me as much as you think you should/do. Or maybe you feel sorry for me and don’t want to hurt my feelings. That’s how it seems from here.

I don’t want pity. I need help. I need to know that you will keep your word and not be entirely consumed by every squirrel that darts past…


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He Wrote Me a Poem

LumpInTheThroatYes…. That is correct.

Mr. X wrote me a poem.

He posted it on his blog the other day.

I can’t “like” it or comment on it or share it with you.

But I can revel that his words were written to me, with me in his thoughts.

It’s flattering to be someone’s muse.



‘Warning’ by Jenny Joseph


by: Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.


Heart-Shaped Poetry

Once again the lovely Dating Divas have given me a cute little idea for Valentine’s Day. It’s actually perfect, because I wanted to give him the last poem I wrote, but I couldn’t figure out how to format it.

Love poem in an instant

Click on the picture to create some poetic art for your honey

Happy Friday!


My Dream Home

Someday I’d like to have a home
That’s full of pretty things
Like baby dolls and princess crowns
And boys with baseball swings

A giant playset in the yard
With picnic tables, too
Someplace with so much love around
It’s hard to say, “Adieu”

All people would be welcome there
Young, old, or rich or poor
All that’s asked is, when you come
Leave anger at the door

(inspired by today’s Daily Prompt: Dream Home)



Unwelcome thoughts

frantically becoming



Once Upon a Time…

husband-wife-quarrelHeart Divider

Once upon a time there was a wife

Who found a spouse to share her life

He wasn’t the right man

He didn’t do all he can

 Heart Divider

So the wife went a-searching

Because a new self was emerging

She found a better gent

And to him she went

Heart Divider

But they couldn’t be together

His marriage also a tether

Cute CoupleSo they did what they could

And together withstood

 Heart Divider

Still the wife and gent are best friends

After four years of turns and bends

Their true love prevailed

Where their marriages failed

Heart Divider