Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

What Do I Bring to the Table?

Strength_Weakness

I have been struggling to figure out what strengths I bring to a relationship. I know what *I* want and need, but what do I have to offer?

Everything I put on that list just seems plain fucking ‘cheesy’ to me:

  • I am a good cook/I can bake yummy things
  • I can take care of myself/be independent
  • I’m curious/adventurous
  • I take fairly good care of myself and am healthy
  • I’m a good teacher and good student (if it’s something I want to teach/learn)
  • I’m intelligent/articulate and want to communicate with my partner
  • I have a good sense of humor
  • I am (relatively) stable
  • I fancy myself to be good in the sack 😉

Are those actual things, or do I have the wrong idea?

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A New Book

I ordered myself a new book. It could come as soon as Friday or as late as the day after Christmas (I am hoping on the former). I don’t have/do kindle and I would rather have a hard copy anyway.

I am really looking forward to reading it! I have a feeling that it might help a little in other aspects of my life, too – learning how to be submissive.

9113676

Submissive women have needs just like anybody else. But how can a woman get her needs met when she’s relinquished her power to her dominant partner? With warmth, wisdom and a down-to-earth approach, experienced submissive Kacie Cunningham analyzes the realities of the dominant-submissive lifestyle and suggests ways in which both partners can experience the greatest possible growth and pleasure. At the heart of the book is an emotion Kacie has dubbed “Conquer Me” — which she defines as “the submissive’s internal demand for a show of strength.” Without a clear understanding of “conquer me,” both submissive and dominant may find themselves at odds — either fighting unhappily, or watching the passion ebb from their relationship. This book explains this unique need and how to get it met — essential knowledge for any submissive or couple who wants to get the most out of their D/s lifestyle.”

I hope to read it and then share it with Mr. X.

Or we could read it together…

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Loverman’s Current Situation

moving-day

For the last month, Loverman has been moving his things to a storage unit about 40 minutes away. Except for a few of his most important things — his bed, his 3 vehicles that don’t work, 1 vehicle that does work, some clothes, etc… — he is totally moved out of his wife’s house.

But he has nowhere to go.

His wife‘s house no longer has power. Water has been shut off for a second time. It has been 11 months since she has made a mortgage payment. Her son has been taken away by her mother to go live with his uncle. It’s only a matter of time before the bank forecloses on her house and she has to leave.

Loverman doesn’t want to be living there when it happens, so he is sleeping in a friend’s spare bed for the time being. While he’s there, he’s using their internet to find a place to live and a second job and a place to store his 3-4 vehicles.

I don’t talk about his money much, but his checks are garnished for child support (3 kids) so he gets very little of it after everyone else has taken their pieces. That’s why I am always giving him money and trying to help him out. I would want someone to help me if I needed it, right?

Which is why he needs to get a second job. I can’t give him enough money for an apartment and he can’t live with me… Even if Doom-n-Gloom wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be able to live with Loverman, not until Thing #2 has graduated from high school in two years. I joke about how he could come over and sneak up into my loft and sleep there all day. No one would notice…

I have been thinking about this a lot recently along with sorting out what I really want and trying to get my life in order. I have tossed around the idea of putting a down payment on a trailer home or condo or something for him/us. It would be in both of our names and he would make the monthly payments. I’m not planning on moving in with him or anything, at least not right now. But I would have something to fall back on when I finally do split from the husband.

Or, I’d have a rental property if things don’t work out.

But all of that depends on whether or not I get a bonus at the end of this year, and how much it is.

I’m not trying to put the cart in front of the horse here, but I enjoy having these ideas to toy around with. It gives me something to look forward to. I’m not building expectations here, just dreams.

And somewhere in those dreams, I feel power.

SunClouds

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Look Silly, Dammit!

Awesome motivation for this week!

Look Silly

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