Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Suicidal Ideation

“A person with suicidal ideation may not ask for help. However, that does not mean help is not needed or wanted. Many people who die by suicide do not actually wish for death – they only want the pain to go away. Prevention of suicide begins with recognizing  the warning signs of suicidal behaviors and taking action.”¹

I need help…

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Garbage

SoulmateLessons

He threw me out like trash

Like not talking to me wouldn’t hurt

Fading away like a ghost

Who still lingers and haunts

Maybe that’s my problem

Why I can’t get over him

Why I can’t seem to really like anyone

Including myself

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” said Teddy Roosevelt

When will I stop comparing what I had with him

To what I could have with someone else?

Juggling boys like bowling pins

Two years?

Four years?

A lifetime?

Will time even help?

Delusion

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Somewhat Stripped: Sexy Sundays

from Girltalk HQ

from Girltalk HQ

I received a nice note from a gentleman who reads my blog. In it he suggested I might be suffering from a rare, but debilitating disease called:

Mirror-o-blindopia

Apparently, that is something that only affects a person when they look directly into a mirror 😉 Read the rest of this entry »

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Self Doubt…

…It’s killing me.

I want to blame Loserman, but it really only starts there. The rest is me and my lame choices during my struggle to get over that horrible horsefly.

  • Scorpio – we’re still friends. Regardless, he was a bad choice.
  • TC – believe it or not, he’s a tough one to get over. Even though I only knew TC for a short time, he really broke my heart.

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What Is My Problem?

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Fear and Excuses

“Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God’s feet, equal — as we are!”
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

All I am hearing from you is fear and excuses. Are you even attempting to understand what I am trying to say?!?

I am trying to love you!

I’m scared, too. I was scared of being vulnerable and letting you in, but now that I have, I’m scared of losing you.

I am trying to give you forgiveness, openness, honesty, gentleness and love. With all of my being I want to fight back and say mean things that hurt you and make you cry. I want your heart to bleed as mine is, but that is just plain mean and I don’t feel like being mean. I care about you.

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A Temporary “Problem”

Before I wrote my Signatures post last week, there was a little bit of “drama” with Doom-n-Gloom.

After all this time, he still doesn’t have any type of government-issued picture ID! He wanders around with a ratty old County-Issued Birth Certificate that the state of Colorado won’t even accept as legitimate proof of identity and his photo ID from work. (I wrote my Is a Drivers License Important? post over 2.5 years ago)

When he gets carded at liquor stores, they won’t sell to him because he can’t prove his age. He then argues with the cashier because he is “obviously old enough to buy alcohol, gray hairs and all!” Of course that never helps, but he feels the need to do it anyway.

He has to call and make special arrangements if he needs to take an airplane anywhere. He gets to go to the Special Kids line… I’m so glad he doesn’t travel often, and never with me.

He can’t even get into a marijuana dispensary, let alone buy the shit!

Two weeks ago we went to a Notary Public at UPS to have our divorce papers notarized so I could file them with the county court.

Of course, the Notary would not notarize Doom-n-Gloom’s signatures because he could not prove he was really him.

I was absolutely furious.

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Secrets

We all have secrets, there’s nothing wrong with that. But we all need a confidante, a friend to share our secrets with.

In a way, a shared secret tells us who our real friends are. They’re the people we trust the most.

Henry Morgan
in Forever

Forever (2014) Poster

 

I watch too much TV. It’s a problem, I guess…

But, as long as I am watching all of this television, binge watching, etc… (which I find exceptionally entertaining), I will try and share as many ‘meaningful’ quotes as I can 😉

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