It’s been quite a while now, but I devoured all three books in the series and I’m not ashamed to say so.
If it wasn’t for those books, I probably never would have realized who I am.
And that the perverted thoughts I’d been having since puberty weren’t totally bad!
All of the sudden there was a whole new world presented to me, with real life possibilities of the fantasies I’d been having.
It only took one serious conversation with a “serious Dom” for me to finally realize that ‘the lifestyle’ might not be for me.
So…
Submission…
I tried it…
The first few times it wasn’t so bad. It was fun, really…
Then there was last week.
Whipped with a switch that I cut for myself…
Lovers
by Ivan Koulakov
My dream was that you would always be my “Papa Bear”
That you would take care of me
And I you
That I would be able make you proud
And you would be able to forgive me when I didn’t
I tried to help you slay demons from your past
I tried to help set your spirit free
I showed you everything I am
I gave you forgiveness
I wanted you to trust me
I needed you to trust me
…to be as vulnerable with me as I was with you
Last Friday we were having our morning “check in” talk and Mr. X told me that, for what it’s worth, he was sorry about the way things ended with Loserman. How sweet was that? I really appreciate his acceptance of me as I am. I mean, I put it all out there for him to see! It’s nice not to have to pretend for the first few “dates” until the ice is broken.
Also, I love having a daily check-in with him. It helps reassure me that everything is “okay”. You know how bad I am with that kind of suspense 😉
On another note, I keep expecting for him to ask me questions about what he’s reading on my blog. I wish he would ask more or say more or something. Some days, his silence is my suspense. Here’s what he’s said about my blog so far:
1. I need to keep it up just as I have been, talking about what I have been, etc…
2. What he said about being sorry Loserman ended it the way he did
3. He mentioned that he wished my post about our first date had been more positive about myself. Subsequently, he asked me to write a positive post about myself (so I wrote two! 😉 ).
I am going to have to be at peace with this thought:
If Mr. X has anything to say about my blog, he will say it. That is the way it has been and that is the way it will continue.
I worry too much!! 
Eventually I asked the inevitable question: when would I be able to see him again? And it would be perfectly okay if it was just a lunch meeting.
He answered, “How about today?” I was surprised! Honestly, I expected him to say Tuesday or something.
I don’t remember exactly how I responded, but it was like, “Same time, same place?”
“Okay,” he replied.
The butterflies in my stomach were doing flip-flops, I felt a surge of wetness in my panties. We talked a little bit longer and then hung up.
A couple of hours before we were to meet, he messaged me that he would be a little late. We ended up meeting 30 minutes later than originally planned. No matter. I was happy he told me at all! The consideration felt very nice.
It was wonderful to see him. I have been busy at work finishing up a part of the budget I didn’t think I was going to have to do, finalizing November’s numbers and also dealing with some more drama from the Atlanta ladies. Seeing Mr. X was a very pleasant diversion (although it did make it more difficult to concentrate on anything but him for the rest of the afternoon).
I enjoyed his company very much and felt more relaxed this time around. We spent a lot of time gazing into each others’ eyes and he kissed me a lot more. Even while we were sitting across from each other at our tiny table!
The way I feel around him is amazing! I feel pretty and intelligent and captivating and sexy and worthwhile. I completely understand that *I* control the way that things make me feel, but Mr. X sure makes it easy for my feelings to go in a positive direction!
When we first sat down, I mentioned to him that he was setting the bar pretty high for himself: talking to me every day, his incredible attentiveness… His being able to make this kind of time for me on an ongoing basis might be difficult to maintain. I am starting to really enjoy it and it’s something I could definitely get attached to.
I believe his response was, “I want to make that time for you. I enjoy talking to you and I don’t think you understand how often I really think of you.” (OMG – I think about him all the time!)
At one point he asked me if I would liked to be spanked for fun or for punishment. I think I blushed a little and I really didn’t know the answer. He answered himself quietly, “I will figure that out myself.” Now that I have had time to think about it, I have an answer!
Sweet Mr. X, spanking me with your hand would be fun for me. Punishment spanking would be you using something that isn’t you – something that doesn’t allow for direct contact of you to me. For example: a riding crop or belt 😉
While we were chatting I interrupted him. Probably a hundred times, actually. But, I remember once in particular because he was outwardly assertive with me and it really turned me on! He looked at me with a gentle smile, his hand raised a little bit to the side of my face (but not too close), and sternly told me to stop interrupting him. He really didn’t like that. Then directed me to look at his left hand positioned to ‘slap’ me. Immediately I felt a warmth surge between my legs (again!). And I stopped interrupting (I think).
I am not adding this to excuse my behavior (I guess maybe I am…), but interrupting is something I do when I get excited. With some of my friends, it isn’t a problem, it’s like we talk back and forth bouncing off each other like that; that’s how we talk. With other friends, it bothers the hell out of them because it seems like (to them) I am not listening; when really I am, I’m just so excited/intense/afraid I’m going to forget.
(I have a feeling that this will probably be the reason for many of my “reprimands” in the future.
I look forward to that part of my education 😉 )
It seemed like time had slowed down for us while we were together, but eventually it had to end and he walked me out to my truck, where he devoured my mouth with his most sensuous kisses yet. Later that night, I wrote him how they made me feel (at his insistence):
I truly am surprised I could stay standing after you left, let alone be able to turn around and get into my truck and drive away. My body was trembling and I had to take a bunch of deep breaths before I was able to go into work. My panties were wet almost all afternoon and I can still feel my pulse in my pussy now as I am writing this! I can only hope they made you feel half as good as that!
My panties were squishy for the rest of the afternoon and he has directed me not to masturbate until we have a chance to be intimate together. The suspense is killing me!
Smitten with Him 