Last Friday

Last Friday

(First off, I want to tell you that I had an amazing weekend with TC. Absolutely amazing!

But I like telling a story and it seems that I have a tendency to be long-winded, *per one of my readers* so I am going to be just that: starting with the beginning of my day Friday all the way through until TC left (way too soon) on Sunday morning. Ummm… but not all in this post…

There were some seriously mind-blowing times, so I might accidentally leave some things out. That does *NOT* mean I didn’t enjoy every single moment. I am still savoring them all. Every. Single. One.)

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**ALL** LIVES MATTER!!!

**ALL** LIVES MATTER!!!

Sorry to interrupt my regularly scheduled programming

BUT

My facebook timeline is all mixed up….

Half of the updates are happy skating updates (some of my friends went on a skate cruise last weekend!) and family posts about loved ones…

Silly and uplifting memes…

And the other half is about hate crimes and civil rights violations… Police brutality and street violence… Our youth rioting… More kids bringing weapons to school…

Looting and burning…

Image result for baltimore riots 2015

Some of my Skate Family is right in the middle of it! They called off last night’s Skate Night.

It’s so sad to see all of this happening again… Over and over again…

Please do me a favor and reach out to someone your normally wouldn’t and tell them that they are special and that they mean something.

And, when someone asks you for help, reach out and help them!

Because:

**ALL** LIVES MATTER!!!!

Every

Single

One

My heart aches for the City of Baltimore, which saw riots following the funeral of 25-year old Freddie Gray, who died while in police custody due to severe spinal cord injuries.

As a Buddhist and a follower of the teachings of Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I both understand, but cannot condone, the violence that has erupted. I have no easy answers for either those enraged by the continued racial injustice, or those appalled by the violent rioting and looting the whole world is seeing.

Many say there can be no peace without justice, but so, too, can there be no true justice without peace. The riots must end before any progress can be made; progress must be made so that riots have their end.

What none of us should do is remain silent or indifferent. Tonight and in the coming days, hold your children, your families, your loved ones. Talk to them, and your friends and co-workers, about your feelings and theirs, and understand the passions that underlay them. All of us in our own way care deeply about both the symptoms and the manifestations of this disease that plagues our nation and indeed the world. To recognize this shared desire for both justice and peace is the first step towards both.

George Takei

Friday’s Text Conversation With Loserman

Friday’s Text Conversation With Loserman

NeverGoBackKitty

(In case you don’t follow my blog and/or know what’s going on 😉 , you can read this post and this post to help get you get up to speed.)

I should first preface with this because I didn’t address it here last week…

A week ago Sunday (1/25) Loserman came over to work a little more on Bear and take out parts to see exactly what needed to be ordered. That conversation went badly because he wanted to go over and rehash old shit yet again. He is just going to have to agree to disagree on that note and stop blaming me for something over which he had complete control.

Right now I am trying to focus on getting Bear fixed. If Loserman wants to beat the dead horse that he left back in Kansas City last November, we can do that after he’s done getting his fucking work done on my truck.

That being said… Last week Loserman “rescued” 3 other people with car problems, fixed their problems completely and sent them off on their merry way when he was done. (Loserman is not a mechanic by trade, he’s a security guard. He does favors for people on the side, when he can.)

I know this because he posted it all on Facebook.

LosermanFB1Yes, Loserman could have done the work and it would have been done right. However, his Over Night Lead Officer would have had to wait interminably long to have it completed.

LosermanFB2He towed and fixed a friend’s car in addition to the co-worker’s.
He’s always posting shit like this. Is he a teenage girl? His ‘friends’/family used to make comments and “like” these status updates, but less and less people have been.
He’s a 45-year-old man…

He must’ve posted this next update because only one person commented on the others.

LosermanFB3

Good for you, mother-fucker! You’re great at what you do… When you decide to fucking DO it!

I wanted to respond, “Hopefully he’ll call a mechanic. You’ll take 3 years to fix his shit and he’ll have to buy a different car in the interim.”

But I didn’t.

Funny thing is, that ‘mother-fucker’ was supposed to be working on MY truck last week: moving it so it doesn’t get towed, and telling me what parts he needs me to order. He promised that he would stay in communication with me.

I didn’t hear jack shit from him all week.

I’m not surprised.

I’m disappointed.

And absolutely infuriated! He is on my very last nerve and I just want to get my fucking truck fixed so we can be done with all this bullshit.

It’s like we’re in the middle of an ugly divorce and poor Bear is caught in the middle.

I wanted to know what his plans are to get my truck fixed, and he wasn’t posting updates about *MY* shit on Facebook, so I sent this text message to him last Thursday night:

LosermanText1

He didn’t respond, so I sent the exact same message again about 12 hours later.

LosermanText2

He responded within 20 minutes and we had the following conversation:

LosermanText3

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LosermanText4

Again with that “according to you” shit!!!

LosermanText5

LosermanText6

“Not to cause any problems” huh?

“Make things better”?????? Yeah, all that “According to you” bullshit just now really made it seem like you’re trying to make things better!

Every fucking time I talk to **you** I have question marks on my head with WOW at the end (and then a whole bunch of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!).

I just tried to be nice to him, thanking him, telling him he’s good at fixing shit. That’s when he starts to pick a fight?!?

But, here’s me, still trying to be nice. Trying to stay focused on the task at hand. Trying to keep him focused like I used to be able to.

LosermanText7

No response after that.

No email.

Saturday came and went. No Loserman.

Big surprise, right?!

Then, around 11PM Saturday night it started snowing. The sky dumped 6 inches on us in 3 hours and Sunday morning was beautiful but there was no way Loserman would be moving my truck over the weekend.

Like he promised…

If he would just fucking do it, then it would be done and I wouldn’t have to be nagging him all the time.

I’m frustrated out of my brain about this!

I hate how he’s treating me. He’s basically castrated me of all my control of MY OWN STUFF!!!

He literally has half of my engine with him as well as my Haynes manual. So, even if I wanted to do it myself, or find and pay someone else to help me, I fucking CAN’T!!!

Every day it eats at my insides and makes me hate resent him more. I’m freaking out constantly that my beautiful Bear will get towed.

And he doesn’t care a fucking bit. Even after I told him that I am freaking out every day about it, and HE KNOWS, he just lets me freak out every day about it.

He just lets me freak out every day about it.

*sigh* This is how he shows me that he doesn’t care.

And he shows me

Every

Single

Day

I remember “the olden days” when Loserman and I would have fun, sexy or productive conversations. When we would be able to get things done together and harmoniously.

I miss the olden days…

 

Entitlement or Reasonable Expectation?

Entitlement or Reasonable Expectation?

This post is from last Wednesday.

I am going to whine.

Again.

I have been dreading coming into work.

Every.

Single.

Day.

The only thing motivating me lately is my paycheck.

Sad.

Yesterday, when I woke up, I even tried thinking:

If you know it will be a great day, it will be a great day!

But, as soon as I could see the office building on the horizon, my heart sunk in my chest and I felt like I would vomit.

I’ve been craving donuts every morning and there is a Voodoo Donuts right on my way to work.

am proud that I have only gone there twice since I started working here a little over 2 years ago.

But, both of those times were in the last 14 days *sigh*

In the last month I have had some challenges.

Not only with the Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl that I work with in my local office (who I have written about a couple of times in the past), but also with two ladies that work in the Atlanta office. Those two are always challenging my authority and trying to find all my mistakes. I make mistakes, of course. And I own them when I find them — or someone else finds them for me — I just don’t like it when they are put on public display and I am humiliated in the process of pointing it out.

My awesome Boss-Lady nipped the Atlanta ladies about 2 weeks ago, but there is still residual tension…

Which would be okay to work through except for Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl here in Denver. It’s just her and me and Boss-Lady; the 5 Realtors are in and out of the office all of the time, but none of them work full-time here (and all of them are men).

I am lucky that I have my own office, right?

That should be one of the things that I look forward to when I come to work, right?

Or should I feel more like I am in a cage being held captive for 40+ hours every week?

I used to work in a cubicle environment. It was not ideal, but it was okay.

There have been many times recently when I wished I still worked in a cubicle because, then, no one would be able to come into my office and close the door behind themselves to have a “private” conversation with me. The start of the conversation being, almost every time, “I don’t know what your problem has been lately. Blah, blah, yammer, yammer…”  (her ‘polite’ approach really helps me to be attentive to her…)

When I try to speak up, I am then told not to interrupt: interrupting is rude.

Once, I did get to say, “This right here, when you come into my office, close my door and start off by telling me I can’t defend myself. That’s kind of what my problem is.”

Needless to say, that didn’t end well.

Every time I defend myself to her she says, “But YOU did that to ME, too.” Sometimes I did, more often I didn’t.

Am I wrong to think that my office should be an environment that I can actually have some control over? (notice I say “some”, I understand that complete control is out of the question.)

There are so many uncontrollable elements that come at me every day, I wish I could feel that my office was more of a safe haven. Someplace where I can feel comfortable and “in control”.

But I can’t.

When Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl comes into MY office and closes the door behind herself, I am immediately put on edge and feel defensive. At that moment, I have lost complete control of my “safe haven” environment and I feel like I am in fight-or-flight mode. Especially when she is standing over me, directly between me and my only way out (my office is very small. There is no room for both of us to be standing on that side of my desk in front of the closed door. It’s definitely not big enough in which to have a heated conversation) and I am forced to wait until she allows me to speak or she finally leaves.

Most times, these conversations start with, “I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately” or something very similar to that. And, when I attempt to respond (aka ‘defend myself’) I am told not to interrupt!

Basically, it feels like I am sitting captive in MY office while she stands over me ‘insisting’ on how we need to make things right. Right now. Eventually, when there is a break where I can speak and I try to weigh in, I am told not to interrupt?!…

It’s like Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl is a bully who wants me to be her BFF and will keep forcing me to like her until I finally do (even if it’s out of sheer terror!).

I would love to be able to work from home 1 or 2 days a week like Boss-Lady. Or maybe work four 10-hour days? I asked. It’s not possible.

I also asked about moving to one of the agents’ cubicles and letting the agents use my office as theirs. That’s not possible either.

I should just be thankful that I have a job. Office or not.

BangHeadHere_thumb[9]

This is How My Month-End Friday Started *sigh*

This is How My Month-End Friday Started *sigh*

Hello *Smitten*,

I hope to have our final Zillow and Tulia Invoices tomorrow.

I have been reviewing our budget and expense statements.  I have a couple of questions.  I hope that you can help provide a little more clarity:

Can you provide a detailed ledger for the Atlanta expenses for the period of January 2013 to August 2014?  This would be a great help.

Thanks,

On the very last fucking day of the month, while I am still waiting on crucial paperwork from her, she has the balls to ask me for 20 months worth of itemized expenses?!?!? WTF? Are you serious?

My response:

Good morning, *branch manager*

Attached is the General Ledger detail for all of **your branch’s** expenses from 1/1/2013 until 6/30/2014 (FYI – it was 106 pages). This is what has been made available to me – July’s final numbers have not been provided yet.

As you know, today is the last day of the month and I do not have time to itemize every expense. After you have reviewed the attached detail, if you have specific questions about any of the entries, let me know. I am not the only person making entries to your General Ledger and some of the questions you have may need to go back to the CFO. I need to know very specifically what you are looking for and why if I am to go to our CFO asking for 18-20 months’ worth of information.

I am resending you the email I sent last month with your June financial statement (which is the last one made available to me). Every month, after the final posted numbers are sent to me, I send *your branch’s* financial statement to you, your assistant and our managing broker. In the body of that email I ask that you please review it and contact me with any questions or concerns. Going forward, it may be more prudent to review the financial statements in a timely manner and get back to me with any problems or questions you might have as soon as you have them. It is much easier to remember an entry made a month ago, as opposed to over a year ago.

Your help is greatly appreciated
*Smitten*

AAARGH!!!

Happy Friday?

Dr-Seuss-Quote

I hung up on him!

I hung up on him!

End Call

Tuesday afternoon, Doom-n-Gloom’s response was, “Whatever!” to my comment that Thing #1 and I would clean up after we made dinner. Maybe I am over-reacting, but I think I could actually hear his eyes rolling!

This was after a negative comment about how Thing #1 never cleans up after herself and how she is intentionally mean to him (wah! wah!). He said that she doesn’t eat his cooking because she wants to hurt his feelings — I know it’s really because it tastes like crap and that he intentionally makes things he knows she doesn’t like at least 3 days a week (he likes to throw himself in front of the bus all the time. He cooks food she doesn’t like and then complains to me that she won’t eat it. It’s stupid, but it helps him to stay miserable. Several times in the past I have told him he needs to stop making himself a martyr all the time. It doesn’t work). Also, if I am not coming home for dinner, he doesn’t make the kids any food! Yes, they are mostly-grown and self-sufficient, I just think it’s crappy that he only takes care of his kids when I’m around.

I’m not putting up with that shit any more!

I hung up on him and took the battery out of my phone.

That prick cares so little about me that he has absolutely NO idea what my work phone number is! And I am 99% sure he doesn’t even know the name of the company where I work (it would surprise the crap out of me if he knew! I don’t talk about it and he never asks…).

This is (pretty much) the same approach I took with my mother about 23 years ago when she kept calling me at 7 o’clock in the morning to ask me why I moved out (I worked in a restaurant and closed the place 5 nights a week. I usually got home around 4-5AM). She would ask the same exact question every single time, about twice a week, for approximately 5 months, before one day I simply told her, “I am going to hang up on you every time you ask me that question. I have answered it already and the answer will never change. Now, please let me get some sleep.” Then we would have an argument about why I can’t keep ‘normal people’ hours like her and dad.

I had to hang up on her 5 times before she got it. I will still do it when she says things that are inappropriate, but I have only done it 3 times since.

I have told Mr. Doom-n-Gloom dozens of times that if he doesn’t start trying to work things out with Thing #1, she’s going to move away and never talk to him again. He always turns it around and makes it her fault and says he will change when she does.

Watch out for those sharks!! They bite!shark attack

Warm-Fuzzies?!? Is That What We’re Calling It Now?

Warm-Fuzzies?!? Is That What We’re Calling It Now?

I try so hard to get along with this crazy-ass bitch that I work with — I will call her bitchy girl. She’s downright steamy one minute and bitter cold with a hint of frost the next. One day she wants to hug me on the way out the door and the next day she won’t even tell me she’s leaving (or if she does, there is some backhanded comment to go along with it about how “sorry” she is to have bothered me)… Ugh! This girl has me at my wits’ end because she takes everything personally — even if a person is agreeing with what she said to begin with (or they’re just answering her question, like what happened to me yesterday).

Bitchy girl said, “I need your help writing this letter because the woman I am writing it to isn’t a very warm and fuzzy kind of girl and sometimes I think that I am a little too warm and fuzzy. I don’t want to come off too strong because I know that sometimes it can be overwhelming. You know how some personalities are compatible and some are not?” (Now that I look back at it, I swear it was a set-up!)

Yelling

Stupid me. I agreed. I said, ‘Yeah, I know how different personalities can clash at times. Sometimes too many warm-fuzzies can be especially off-putting when they’re coming from a stranger or someone you don’t know so well.”

She turned and glared at me. Then asked, “What the fuck do you mean by that!?”

Me: “Ummmm… I was just answering your question about clashing personalities?!?” (I wanted to add: “Like ours are right now… Boy, can I feel the warm-fuzzies just oozing out of your pores! ” But I didn’t!)

Bitchy girl: “So you think I’m a total bitch then? Thanks. Now I know how you really feel about me!”

I am not sure what my face looked like, but I’m sure it was something along the lines of horrifically appalled!

At this point I knew that there was nothing I could say to her in response (I have two teenage daughters, I completely recognize irrationality — see here). But, after a moment’s thought, I did say, “I am just in your office because you asked me for my help. You asked me a question and I responded. I apologize if you didn’t like the response. It wasn’t personal. I was just agreeing that sometimes personalities DO clash and it’s very difficult to know how to respond to (handle) overly-loving (over-emotional) people (*like you*). I am going to go back to my office now and when you’re ready for my help just give me a call and we’ll try again.” Then I left her office to get something I left on the printer and return to my office.

While I was standing in the printer room, I could hear bitchy girl mumbling something (at me or not, I don’t know/care. I didn’t hear the words and I wasn’t going to justify her crazy-ass-bitch ranting with a response). As I stepped out of the copy room to go back to my office she said, loudly and directed at me this time, “I’m sorry I’m too warm and fuzzy for you. I will try and work that out so it doesn’t bother you so much. Sorry I wasted so much of your valuable time.” (My boss’s office is just around the corner and she heard the whole thing — it happens that way every time! She’s sick of walking on eggshells around BF, too. If my boss wasn’t so cool and understanding, this girl would have been fired last October!)

It’s getting to the point where I am going to start printing my stuff to the printer on the opposite side of the office just so I don’t have to deal with her pathetic, attention-seeking antics and her mumbly, back-handed comments. I don’t come to work to be psychologically abused and emotionally tossed about; if I wanted that I would just hang around Thing #2 more 😉. Last week I actually sent my resume out to a couple of job prospects because I am getting sick of this walking bi-polar disorder attempting to impersonate a professional, mentally-competent co-worker/employee.

I refuse to play the “last word” game with her. I’ve even told her that before — no matter what evil shit she says to me when I’m walking away, I am NOT going to turn around and justify her insanity. If she wants to say something totally fucked up to me, I will just leave those hurtful (hateful) words hang in the air. No one needs to respond to that shit. It just starts an evil hate cycle of doom and we have to work together every day. So, no matter how mean she is to me, I will continue to (endeavor to) be the mature one. Not to mention that we are AT FUCKING WORK!!!! Can we say professionalism!?!?

One day she got angry with me because she wanted to fight (she picked one) and, every time she tried to start it up, all I would do was walk away saying, “I think we should wait and talk about this later after things have cooled off.” At one point, she followed me into my office, closed the door behind her and started ranting at me about my disrespectful behavior — totally disregarding the fact that she practically chased me into my office so she could attack me behind my closed door. I was cornered so, as a matter of course, I raised my voice at her and told her that I was not in a position to have this conversation right now and we needed to wait for tempers to cool. “Stop yelling at me!” was her response. She then stormed out of my office stating, “I can’t deal with this crap. I’m going home.” She slammed her own office door and stay locked in there for 2.5 hours!

Maybe later she will come into my office and apologize for being overly sensitive and saying such mean things, but she was hurt and angry <blah, blah, blah, more meaningless words, etc…>. I will (feign to) forgive her (again!!) but, the truth is, I am sick of her. I am sick of having to justify everything I say (even after I thought very carefully about how the words would sound) because she took it too personally (when I wasn’t even talking about her!!!!). I dread walking by her office every day for fear of the veiled questions (how does one respond without getting one’s head bitten off?!?!). Thank goodness I don’t need to ask her for help.

One thing that I have always maintained with my children is:

An apology denotes regret. If you regret doing something, why would you turn around and do it again? What’s the point of the apology?

I don’t want to hear bitchy girl apologize to me again for the same fucking thing, and I have told her that, too. “I don’t need an apology. I would just like it if we never had to have this conversation again.”

Is that warm and fuzzy enough?

“I’m Sorry” VS “Thank You”

“I’m Sorry” VS “Thank You”

Do they mean the same thing?*

It doesn’t look like it to me.*

If a person says to you: I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you

Would it mean the same as: Thank you so much for your help

???

I ask you this because my husband seems to think these words are interchangeable.Instead of saying, “thank you for taking me to the pharmacy after you got home from work. I know you don’t like going out again after you’re home” – he chose to say, “I am sorry for being such an inconvenience to you”.

In the past, I have mentioned to him (and my daughters) that, in my mind, the phrase “I’m sorry” denotes regret and implies the desire to not repeat the mistake again.

Am I wrong to think that? Is that not what an apology is?

And don’t even let me get started on gratitude and entitlement… That will be a different angst-y rant on a different emotionally-tired day.

All I want is a very simple “Thank you” and a tiny bit of gratitude when I go out of my way to do something for someone.

If you want to be a jerk about it, think about how I will feel if you need/want something else some other time. Do you think I’m just going to jump right up to the plate and be eager to help out? Oh, HELL-to-the-NO!

Would you?