Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

“I Can’t Decide”

I Can’t Decide
by the Scissor Sisters

super cute fan video!

and a fun song…

It’s not easy having yourself a good time
Greasing up those bets and betters
Watching out they don’t four-letter
Fuck and kiss you both at the same time
Smells-like something I’ve forgotten
Curled up died and now it’s rotten

I’m not a gangster tonight
Don’t want to be a bad guy
I’m just a loner baby
And now you’re gotten in my way

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

It’s a bitch convincing people to like you
If I stop now call me a quitter
If lies were cats you’d be a litter
Pleasing everyone isn’t like you
Dancing jigs until I’m crippled
Slug ten drinks I won’t get pickled

I’ve got to hand it to you
You’ve played by all the same rules
It takes the truth to fool me
And now you’ve made me angry

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

Oh I could throw you in the lake
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake
I wont deny I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone
Oh I could bury you alive
But you might crawl out with a knife
And kill me when I’m sleeping
That’s why

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

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Bye, Mr. X

If you truly love your wife and want some advice and perspective on making your marriage work, here is the website I told you about. This is the page with all of Matt’s Letters to Shitty Husbands – If you don’t have much time, read these, but I really like this guy and read almost every one of his posts.

For what it’s worth, thank you for taking time to dump me (but I suspect you have already deleted this email account and you were just being kind to me when you said you wanted to still be “friends”. I should have known better when you told me “It’s not you, it’s me”… Cliché or not…)

Good luck with the job, the wife and your beloved daughter. I wish all of you the best… Even though I hope to hear back from you someday, I’m sure I’m only deluding myself.

I’m sorry, Mr. X. I totally fucked everything up.

Someday maybe I will get it right, but for now I am off to break some serious asshole hearts before I am too old to have my revenge…


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Revenge Pancakes

revenge pancakes

Quite a while back, in the middle of a post, I mentioned that there is an older gentleman that skates sometimes (Thursdays and Saturdays) and he has expressed interest in me. We’ve exchanged phone numbers and, once about six months ago, went out for coffee after skating on a Saturday night when I went skating alone.


Being the vengeful-when-hurting type of gal that I am, after finding out that Loverman went to a mutual friends’ wedding on Saturday without me, I texted Sexy SkaterMan to see if he would be rolling the Saturday night session. He responded:


We did go for “a spot of java” (dude’s from inner-city Chicago – it made me giggle when he texted that) at midnight after skating and we talked until about 1:30AM. For the first hour we caught up on things that happened since the last time we went “out for java”. I didn’t write about that “date” here because it was boring — he had salmon and veggies and I had a piece of Lemon Meringue Pie. This time he had Chicken & Waffles and I had Pancakes & Eggs with Bacon — and this time, when he walked me from my car into the restaurant, he asked “Would it be all right if I held your hand?”

I let him.

Both this time and last the interesting conversation lasted for about an hour; we talked about our families, divorce, drugs, the military (he’s ex-Air Force).

When there was a lull, he started telling me how messing around isn’t that big of a deal as long as it makes both of us feel good. The two of us would be the only ones who know.

That’s when I told him the reason why I texted him earlier:

Loverman went to our friends’ wedding without me.

Sexy SkaterMan said, “I knew there was a reason why you asked me if I’d be out tonight! You’re never the one that texts first. That’s why I asked you for coffee afterward. I figured you wanted to talk, or something.” (aka “I wanted to see if this is the time you’ll let me fuck your brains out.”)

“Does it bother you to know that I called you because I’m mad at my boyfriend?”

“It doesn’t bug me at all, baby. You already know that I want you. I’m here because you needed something and I want to be that something.”

“Even if I don’t know what that something is?” I asked. (Dude’s scum, I know. He’s a predator. He lies to get into ladies’ pants. I know it. Everyone else knows it. He’s not very good at it either. I just want to minimize collateral damage and I don’t think this Sexy SkaterMan will suffer much for knowing I’m using him.)

“I will come any time you call me, Baby,” and then he stressed, “Any time. I really mean that.” And once more, “I do.”

We talked for a few more minutes, then he paid the check and walked me out to my car.

Before he opened my door for me, he leaned over, kissed me gently and whispered my name, “You don’t know how much I want you, baby.” His hand was at the back of my neck (a weak spot) twirling through my wispy hairs and he reached between my legs with his other hand to rub my warm pussy. My mouth was against his neck and I was kissing him, breathing him in. I was melting, right there in the restaurant parking lot. Mmm, he smelled so good with all the bad-boy sexy smells — cigarettes, cologne, sweat from skating and beer (he always drinks two beers in the parking lot before coming in to skate, it’s his ‘warm up’ ritual. The regulars all do it, most of them just smoke weed instead of drinking beer 😉 ).

I was running my hands across his chest, feeling the definition in his pecs as I thought, “I should not be doing this”, and then I said it out loud.

Sexy SkaterMan’s response was to pull away and say, “I think it’s time we said ‘good night’. We had a great talk and I don’t want to ruin it”, but then he leaned over to me and started kissing me again. “Your lips taste so good” and I was kissing him back. He grabbed my hand and led it down to the erection in his jeans. “Feel how much I want you” and I squeezed it and kept kissing him back.

“We really need to stop,” I said on an exhale, hoping a little bit that he wouldn’t hear me, “I shouldn’t be doing this.”

“You’re right. It’s time we should go. I enjoyed our time together tonight. Just give me another squeeze before you go. I want to feel your hand on my dick one more time.”

I did.

He kissed me once more, softly on the forehead as he brushed one side of my hair behind my ear and said, “You are so beautiful.”

He opened my door, made sure I was sitting comfortably and leaned over to kiss me tenderly on the lips one last time before he closed the door and returned to his truck.

I rolled down my window to thank him for the pancakes and conversation (and stuff).

His response was, “I meant it. You can call me any time. Any time.”

“I appreciate that. I really do. Drive safe. It’s late and all the drunk crazies are out there.”

“You, too, baby.”


Revenge Sex

I hate it when you do this to me. It’s so very stupid. You are only pushing me away; making me want to give up on us.

Ignoring me is probably not how you should choose to deal with any dissatisfaction that I might have with you. Do you like having me around, or am I expendable? Because if that’s how you treat me or how you feel about me, I know I deserve better! That is definitely not how I want my best friend to treat me!

I’m sick of forgiving the same things over and over again. I’ve done that for Mr. Doom-n-Gloom for 20+ years. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing the same thing, just with another man.

It’s really only lateness and then ignoring me during a moody spell. But, to me, those are my two biggest irritation triggers!! And, to do them over and over again knowing how much they irk me (seemingly JUST to irk me!!!) and then not apologize for being an ass-hat! Even once!…???

That’s just stupid and ridiculous! And extremely selfish and insensitive!!!

Just like revenge sex!

Which is something I have the opportunity to do right now!!! Tonight. Something I am contemplating because I can. Because it’s something I can do that you will never know about — but, I will always have it for me.

You act so proud to have me when other men stare at my breasts or take a second look at me. You even point it out to me so I notice. But, if I get something free because of them, that guy is my “boyfriend”.

Maybe I should take advantage of that attractiveness and find someone who treats me the way I feel I should be treated. You used to. What happened?

Is it because I have told you time and time again that I am not going anywhere? Has that made you so comfortable that you are just not even trying to keep me any more? Because you see how that worked out for Mr. Gloom-n-Doom!

I would like for you to treat me the way that I treat you; I would like for you to think about how your actions will affect me; I would like for you to get over this awesomely stupid teenage behavior of ignoring people when you feel guilty for hurting them.

I want you to grow the fuck up!!!