Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Monday Motivation: Silence

Image result for silence quote

Image result for silence quote
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The Last Word, Part 1

Right now Mick is away on a 10-day motorcycle excursion to Cincinnati and back for an American Legion thing.

With his girlfriend.

I may or may not have mentioned before that Mick is very involved with the Sons of the American Legion and the Legion Riders here in Colorado: he is vice-commander of the state.

Also, his girlfriend is involved with the Sisters of the American Legion. That’s how they met 10 years ago and that is why they are going on this trip together.

She gets to ride on the back of his motorcycle. She gets to stay in his hotel room. She gets to eat meals with him. She gets to explore Cincinnati and the Ohio countryside with him during their down-time. Theoretically, anyway…

Ignore

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…on love

Quote

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Craving You

11645701_10206955464510932_178863657_n

I can’t wait to feel your skin… Your body and flesh in my hands… Trembling at my touch…

The way your moan feels on my neck, in my ear… Like a caress of breath because you are so close to me…

I can’t stop thinking about last Saturday night, how you put me to bed so sweetly with your words… Like you were here with me…

The silence between us, quietly holding us together…

I can’t wait to sink my body into yours and feel your heartbeat…

Feel your energy, your emotion, your passion, your heat coursing through me…

crave

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Monday Motivation: Silence

Again, I defer to Om Swami

… Once upon a time a farmer lost his watch while working in the barn. This was not just any watch but his most favorite possession. His late father had given it to him decades ago. He searched for it frantically, in every nook and corner of his barn. He turned the hay upside down but it was nowhere to be found.

Somewhat distraught, hardly had he sat down when he heard children playing outside. He asked them for help and promised a reward of $20 to the one who would find it. Excited, eager and hopeful, the children rummaged through the whole area, practically combing every haystack, yet they couldn’t find it either. They gave up and went back to playing. The farmer thought he would never see his watch again.

“Can you give me a chance?” a small boy tugged at his coat.
“I don’t mind,” the farmer said, surprised to see a little contender. “But, other children and I’ve already searched everywhere.”
“I know,” he said. “I would still like to try.”
The farmer had nothing to lose so he let him in and carried on with his chores in the field.

A mere twenty minutes later, the young boy went running up to him.
“I found it!” he said, and, opened his hands revealing the watch.
The farmer picked him up in his arms, and said joyously, “How on earth did you find it?”
“I just sat on the ground and listened to silence,” the boy replied. “After a few minutes, I heard the watch ticking. The rest was easy.”

We are desperately searching for our lost possessions, emotions and love, turning the world upside down only to feel tired a bit later. And then we sit down, we wonder, we worry, we muse, we reflect, we accept, we relax. In that state of mind, life appears like the young boy and hands it back to us.

Sometimes, the greatest way to search is to not search at all. When you don’t search and just let it be, then you hear the watch ticking, you hear how life’s bubbling over and you see the beauty in everything. When that happens, you realize that everything you already have is a prized possession in its own right, the present moment being the greatest of all…

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My “Private” Facebook Rant to Loserman

True-Friends

I sent the following message this Monday:

FixMyTruck-rev

No response at all, so I tried again Tuesday morning:

FixMyTruck2

Again, no response.

So…

I decided that, since Facebook is Loserman‘s preferred forum for communication and he’s decided to ignore me in the real world (unless he’s been in jail, laid up in a hospital or dead), I would try to get his attention via the virtual one instead.

Don’t worry, though. I am not a teenage girl and I did not post this status update for everyone’s eyes: just mine and Loserman’s (and now yours 😉 ).

ITrustedYou

I guess that worked because, 5 hours later, I got this text response from him:

o-ring

He’s been waiting for that “o-ring” since before he dismantled my engine over a month ago. I’m 90% sure his statement was a lie: a stall tactic because he hasn’t done or ordered shit!

But, at least it’s something, right?

Ha ha

Here’s my response:

o-ring-response

He did not reply, but I can see that it was delivered to him.

I have had about as much shit I can take from his Loserman ass. Two and a half more weeks will probably put me at my limit, if not over the top.

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“The Cancer” Strikes Again

After my last ‘interaction’ with “The Cancer” a little over two weeks ago, I figured I wouldn’t be hearing from him again.

This past Tuesday he hit me up:

Cancer4

Silence…PuppySleepingOnPhone

But I have to confess that I am starting to enjoy text-torturing this man with my incredible wit and ‘intellect’…

 

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You Might Be Asking “Where Did Mr. X Go?”

 

gone

I’m wondering that myself. I kind of miss him.

Here is what I do know:

  • He accepted a new and better position at work which changed his hours. Making it practically impossible for us to coordinate “together time”.
  • His grandmother died a couple of weeks ago and he has been taking care of family business.

The last time I saw him was Friday, January 9th. I sat on his lap in the back seat of my car and we talked oh-so-comfortably about some not-so-comfortable things. We kissed, the windows steamed up, but all our clothes stayed on.

At the beginning of the following week, he mentioned while we were talking that he hoped to see me briefly that Thursday afternoon.

… and that he loved me (in the way you love a friend – like concern, you know?)

I told him that I wasn’t ready to say that yet and he was okay with it. Totally understanding of it, as a matter of fact.

… and that he was really horny.

Which is when I told him I was jealous that he can just go home to his wife for that release while I wait and wait and wait for him to have time for me.

Thursday morning came.

I texted Mr. X when I got to work like I was supposed to.

I texted him again, later in the day, to let him know that he really missed out – I wore a dress.

Silence.

Friday morning I sent another message that I was safe at work.

He replied that he was disappointed he had missed out on my dress the previous day and was trying to make it possible to meet that afternoon.

To be funny I responded, “I didn’t wear a dress today though. I hope that’s not a deal breaker” then hit SEND.

It turns out that he wasn’t able to see me Friday afternoon, either. (I honestly didn’t think the dress thing would be a deal-breaker 😉 )

He tried calling me Friday evening, but I was on my way to go roller skating with Thing #1 so I couldn’t answer. I was really frustrated anyway and the conversation probably wouldn’t have gone well.

Over that next weekend, I followed the “rules” we had established regarding Checking In and sent him an email both Saturday and Sunday:

Saturday Afternoon (1/17)

MrX-Gone1

Sunday Evening (1/18)

MrX-Gone2

Over those three days I posted some things on my blog and Twitter. I was drinking and having feelings.
(to be fair, I am also still angry and hurting at Loserman so some of that was directed at him)

HeWasTheOne

Then I woke up and I was tired and still having yucky feelings.

IsntGoingToHappen

QueenGame

… and I did not send any messages to Mr. X on Monday.

At 5PM Monday evening (1/19), he sent me this email:

MrX-Gone3

I hacked up that email in a password-protected post. Some of the things he said… … …

My response to him 40 minutes later was:

Reply2MrX

This was all before Retrograde started on the 21st.

I haven’t heard from him since.

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Lies of Omission

A lie is not in the words or the lack of words, it’s in the intention of the deceiver; the intent is to elicit a specific response from the asker. Is an omission only a lie when there is an expectation of a truthful answer to a question, where the answer was deliberately used to obfuscate the truth? A deliberate omission can be considered a lie if the lack of information alters outcomes, be it discernment or decision. You do not owe everyone your innermost life story, but if you are withholding relevant information in order to sway a person’s judgment in some way, then it appears you are in fact lying to him or her.

Excerpt from: When Does The Omission Of Truth Become A Lie? – Ashley Fern

Lying with words

Silent Lies

“…There were a few times that my husband and I had happy moments, and occasional sex. Did I volunteer that information to my lover? No. Were those lies of omission, when we were both married?…” Excerpt from Deceit and Lies by Ann St. Vincent

beware-of-the-half-truth

“People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself, from then on, to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on…There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.”

Excerpt from: When Does The Omission Of Truth Become A Lie?

trust-is-like-an-eraser

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Broken Silence

Loverman: You at home?

Me: Yes

Loverman: Can I drop your oil pan off?

Me: Sure

Loverman: I’m here

the_space_between_by_HippieVan57

And that is how he broke the silence.

I went outside to unlock my truck for him.

Pretending to smile as I walked.

Sometimes, if I pretend to be happy I actually become happy.

That didn’t happen this time, but I didn’t get sadder.

I told him again that it really hurts my feelings when he ignores me.

He responded with a blank look and, “What do you mean?”

Really?!?! Are you for real?

I said, Usually we talk every day and you kind of just dropped off my radar.

“I’ve been really busy working on this dude’s car and getting some stuff accomplished.”

(I hate when you say that shit: getting some stuff accomplished…

WTF? You still have my car in your garage waiting for you to drop the engine into it!

When will you be accomplishing that stuff?)

It’s time for a break. I am glad we are having one.

There’s too much anger filling me up inside and I don’t know if it’s me or PMS.

It’s still to hard to choose nice words.

We talked for a while longer.

I told him I was skating tomorrow and if he wanted to come with he needed to let me know.

I told him that I wanted to back off from and not bother him so much to do stuff with me.

I am always the one who asks if we can do something and I am sick of it

I wasn’t going to bother him about it again, I said. So, if you want to come you have to tell me.

I’m going skating either way, I told him.

“Yeah. I’m taking it day-by-day right now.”

WHATEVER!

I replied, I understand. You’re worried about losing your car.

There were other words. Small talk.

It felt awkward to me.

I don’t know how it felt for him.

He gave me a hug before he left and I went back upstairs to get comfortable and ready for bed.

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