Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Feelings Always Get In the Way

I was really starting to like Alaska. I mentioned this a little while ago, but the feeling has been starting to get stronger.

The Sunday after Christmas, I spent the night at his house. There was no marking, no pain, he didn’t really “violate” me in any way I’ve become accustomed.

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Love Me Reckless


Sleeping with TC was just as wonderful as I remembered it. Whether he was conscious for it or not, each and every time his body realized it was without mine, he reached over and pulled me close. It felt so good to be held possessively like that by someone… To feel owned… And, after exposing myself so thoroughly to him… It’s very difficult to describe the content-ness I felt each time he wrapped himself around me.

We slept until at least 10 Saturday morning, and I slept better with TC than I have in a long time; especially because I am not used to sleeping with someone, and we have only slept together two other nights before.

All in all, Saturday was a strange day for me. I acted like every mixed nut in the bowl.

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The End of My Tuesday Tirade

I did manage to calm myself down after my Tuesday Tirade before Loverman picked me up. It was very difficult, but I think it was worth it.

After reading Rgonaut‘s comment as I was leaving the other night, I told myself that he was right. I started reminding myself that *I* was the one who made the choice to help Loverman and be his support – it’s not like he forces me to give him money and help him when he needs it. I let him use my truck to be helpful and because I know he needs to go to work just like the rest of us, but I choose to help him. He is very cooperative and tries to accommodate me when I need it as well (we talked about that more in our conversation on the way home).

So, he finally got to work to pick me up Tuesday at 7:23PM (over 2 hours late). He called me when he was on his way to get me and he wouldn’t hang up until he was walking up the steps to the building where I work. During our lengthy phone conversation, where I was mostly listening because I didn’t want to say anything that I would regret later (and I didn’t want to talk about something serious over the phone, I would much rather do that in person. I can control myself better face-to-face), I asked him if he wanted me to get a ride home from the one person that was still left in our office at 6:40. His answer was so charming it helped to calm me down. He simply answered by saying, “No, sweetie. I want to spend the night with you. We have plans and I am really looking forward to being with you.” Those words melted my heart because I believed him. He had a rough week and all he wanted was to have a relaxing and peaceful time; a little self-indulgence while everything else seemed so overwhelming.

He wasn’t avoiding me, he wasn’t trying to piss me off, he simply didn’t communicate what was going on. It turned out that, instead of going to work out the problems he’s having with his car (like he was supposed to), he went to go work on someone else’s car and it took longer than he had expected because more was broken than his “customer” had told him… That happens a lot.

Ultimately, I knew was going to forgive him because I care about him; that’s why I needed to vent here before I saw him — I didn’t want to end up being a scary-ass-insane bitch to his face. Relationships are about mutual cooperation, frustration, elation, disappointment, togetherness, sadness, learning, unlearning, patience, impatience… All of that. Right?

Once we got into the truck to drive home, I told him I was disappointed that he just didn’t tell me what he was doing to begin with. That would have solved my whole disappointment issue… Then I asked him how he got so off track. Like I said, he was supposed to iron out the financial problems that he’s having with the broken truck he purchased two months ago. I asked him, Is it me? Did I do something to run you off track? He replied that it wasn’t me, he got his own self off track when he went to fix that “customer’s” vehicle.

We had a good conversation as we drove to our hotel and, on the way, stopped to get some wine and Taco Bell. After eating and drinking and relaxing together a little, we were laying on the bed, fully clothed but face-to-face and he said, “You are so cool.”

“I didn’t feel so cool earlier when I was so mad at you… You are such a helpful person, you can’t ever say no. I think that’s one of the things that I like so much about you, but I also think that is the one thing that I hate the most about you, too. Now, please go take a shower! Your stinky feet are making my eyes water!!”

Loverman burst out in laughter and practically fell off his side of the bed! We had a bit of a silly argument because he said that he couldn’t smell them. But in the end, I won. “Okay, babe. I will go take a shower.”

While he was bathing, I changed into a jersey that he had recently given me but hadn’t been able to see me in yet, and a new pair of special panties to go with it. Now, Loverman LOVES to take a LONG, HOT shower! So, by the time he was done, the first run of Conan was almost over and I was barely awake.

I felt him climb into bed next to me and he whispered in my ear as he began to unbutton the top of my shirt, “Ooh la la, baby. You look so good I want to taste you.” That man proceeded to love me like he has only a few times before! He held himself back from orgasm over and over again while he teased me, bringing me close to the brink and then slowing down and pulling out of me. The entire time, his arms were wrapped around my shoulders holding us almost impossibly close. He kissed me sweetly and moaned in my ear and I felt so loved and appreciated. A few times over the last couple of weeks, Loverman had told me he wished he could just bury himself in me and forget about everything for a little while. I guess we were both kind of doing that!

It would be very nice if we could have these types of moments more often. One of the best parts of our relationship is when we worked together. We would go to lunch every day and we could be with each other when we needed it. It helps me to know that we are able to spend a ton of time together and still get along; also, that our relationship isn’t solely based on sex. The intimacy seems to help us reconnect and rejuvenate.

I couldn’t fall asleep afterwards but, almost instantly he was sound asleep. That’s totally normal. And, if I get out of bed because I feel like I’m squirming too much, that’s when he wakes up and then he asks me why I left. So I usually lay there with him, reveling in the closeness, until slumber takes me as well.  And eventually it did…


What Side of the Bed Do You Sleep On?

The other night when we were getting in bed to go to sleep, Loverman asked me, “Do you want to sleep on this side of the bed?”

It occurred to me that I had never really thought much of it before. I used to have a favorite side of the bed, I can’t remember now… But I don’t regularly sleep in a bed any more so I can’t really say. I sleep on the couch in the loft-bedroom and he either sleeps on the couch or the floor (when his back hurts), so he doesn’t have a preference either. Now that I think about it, whenever Loverman and I have spent the nights together, it’s on random sides. Lately I think I’ve been on the right side more, but it’s not on purpose — not on my part anyway…

Do you have a favorite side of the bed? (Imagine you’re standing at the foot of the bed looking towards the head of the bed…)

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