A friend of mine said something to me last week that made me think (probably more than I should have):
“The first time in the BDSM life style can be a bit overwhelming and, if you really enjoy it, a person can fall fast and hard for their first partner if they are not careful.”
I remember how much I liked my first “boyfriend”…
How enamored I was with the man I gave my virginity to…
Firsts are special.
Sometime early Saturday morning, my beautiful, wonderful, perfect car – Lil Bear – was stolen.
Words cannot express how horrible I feel. Especially since I don’t know if it was some random event, or Mick did it to get back at me for breaking .
Below are my email correspondences with Mick the day after our choking incident/mishap/”episode”…
Hope you’re having a good day! I saw this picture and it made me laugh. I love a good bed to jump into and have it fluff all around me. Work is creeping along here like a turtle. I sincerely wish I could be jumping into that fluffy bed next to you.
Last night was amazing and special and very memorable. Thank you so much for sharing little bits of your soul with me. Yes, you’ve told me that you won’t be able to talk with me about some of those things ever – just the fact that you stayed mentally with me last night and didn’t withdraw into yourself was very special and meant a lot to me. And I was only scared for a millisecond. When I saw your face, I realized where I was, that I was safe and heard the same song still playing (though I can’t remember what it is now 😉 )
Enough of that sappiness… You are great and wonderful and I feel ever so special when I’m with you – like I’ve never known! Thank you for a lovely night and morning!
Excerpt from “The Feeling of Emptiness” posted on Om Swami
… … The inner journey of discovering yourself, begins by consciously cultivating emotions of contentment, gratitude and compassion.
You cannot be empty if you are content, you can’t be sad if you are grateful, you can’t be angry if you are compassionate.
Fill yourself with love. It’s worth it. Recalibrate your thoughts, so you may realign your emotions.
Scriptures call it shunayata (IAST: śūnyatā) from the Sanskrit word shunya which means zero or emptiness. It is the essence of life and all perceptible phenomena.
In the dark night of the soul, when you lose your own reflection, when aching emptiness becomes unbearable loneliness, just sit tight and wait for the dawn. The sun will rise again and the shadows of joys will enthrall you one more time. Bear in mind though, shadows are just that — shadows. They are impermanent and unstable. Everything is. This is life. This is fine. This is beautiful.
He is amazing, but not like those guys in the stories.
He is amazing for the way he thinks.
He is amazing for the way he treats me, for his desire to care for me and help me improve myself.
He is amazing for his ability to keep me feeling special, even when I feel mundane.
He isn’t amazing simply because he’s a nice guy, he’s amazing because he found my soul in the quagmire of a billion and had the courage to reach out and touch it…