Long Term

I was completely blind(side)ed by Loserman when he stopped talking to me.

Finally, after a solid year without him (*mostly), I think I am able to start sorting things out.

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Discussion Ad Nauseam

Last week I was having a huge struggle with my feelings about Mick.

I met this Dreamboat through Tinder while trying to detach from him a bit, expecting it to just be a weekend hookup. That’s not how it turned out.

After my first weekend with Dreamboat, my mother came into town for a couple of days for Thing #2’s graduation. My ex-in-laws were also in town as well as one of the girls’ cousins.

Dreamboat didn’t need much attention. He works 3rd shift and knew my family was in town so we spoke briefly on the phone a couple of times and texted a couple of times, nothing big. I paid an equal amount of attention to Mick.

Unfortunately Mick didn’t think it was enough. Last Monday afternoon he had a tooth removed and he spent the next two days in excruciating pain. I know how that feels and had spent the week prior commiserating with him about toothaches. When I wasn’t around to do that, he got upset. And, because he was deliriously in pain, he was telling himself stories that I was leaving him.

I had lunch with Mick Monday afternoon. I wanted to spend some time with him before everything started to get crazy.

After that, Mom got into town Monday night. I spent Tuesday with mom and daughters. Thing #2’s graduation was Wednesday afternoon. Mom’s flight out was Wednesday night.

It was fast and over in the blink of an eye.

How Is It Free Will if I Have to Ask Permission?

You will talk to me about it and we will communicate. I simply want to know what’s going on.

Isn’t that how all relationships should be?

I Should Have Sent the Original (aka The ‘Conversation’ We Had Instead)

I think what you read about “ritual” is somewhat valid. The reason that I spent so much time on your neck yesterday was to reestablish your place. I am not sure that it needs to be at a particular time or place during our play. Last week was very different in that I gave you a break from the pain in so far as whipping or the bondage since you nearly freaked out the week before. You were more lover than sub, just to remind you that I am fair and not just here to torture you. If you are not of sound mind and body you are not much “good” to me. I have no desire for you to fear me. Your submission comes from respect. I welcome your suggestions on how I might win your submission more readily.

The pattern of what we do during play time is mostly the same. The difference is the positions and toys or tools. Here is the part where I don’t agree with “ritual”. If you get the same thing every time, then you expect it. I don’t think you should be able to anticipate what I will have in store for you next. You are supposed to be here for my pleasure. That should mean whatever I wish to do as well as whenever I wish to do it.

And as far as your libido, I will take care of that for you. Your imagination doesn’t have to be great either. It is my place to stimulate you and find new ways to take charge of your orgasms. Whether it be bring you to the edge of orgasm and deny it, or to give you more than you think you are capable of. I can take you to the point of mere mention of my touch will make you creamy, or a simple touch will make you shudder uncontrollably. Then, Daddy’s girl will know who she belongs to.

The response I probably should have sent is HERE

Opening Up

I unloaded a lot on Alaska Monday night and he didn’t back down from any of it.

He let me cry and didn’t try to stop me. He let me tell him how frustrated I was. I even got a chance to tell him that I didn’t always like the way he treated me and that, for a brief while, I never wanted to see another dick because of how *he* face-fucked me.

After all of that, he took me into his lap, wrapped me in his arms and let me cry until I was done.

He told me how special I am and how truly honored he feels that I let him have so many of my “firsts”.

He took my face in his hands and made me look him in the eye as he thanked me for my submission.

I told him how hard it’s been to get over him. Every time I think I’m close, he sends me another text.

The Bad Sub

I broke up with Alaska on New Years Eve at pretty much the strike of midnight.

At least it felt like a break-up…

I had been feeling strange about him all week before that. It was partly the fact that he hadn’t “marked” me the last time we were together: I didn’t know how to react or feel about it. And partly because his attentiveness had kinda dropped off.

But maybe I was making excuses because I was already looking for a reason to run.

The Morning After

When my thoughts were finally able to succumb to peace, I slept for maybe 2 hours.

Which kept Alaska from sleeping well, too.

The previous night, after he had ravaged me to the point I was scared enough to ask if I could go home, he became very gentle with me. The way he made love to me, the way he held me in his arms, the way he spoke to me, the way he woke up each time I stirred and made sure I was okay…

I wasn’t, but at the time I didn’t feel like I could tell him that… I was worried I would get another whipping and my ass wasn’t ready again so soon… Or my mind. My knees and ankles were hurting me to the point I could barely stay still in the bed, let alone kneel before him and submit again.

It’s All Fun and Good Until Someone Gets Hurt

So…

Submission…

I tried it…

The first few times it wasn’t so bad. It was fun, really…

Then there was last week.

Whipped with a switch that I cut for myself…

Aftercare…

Part 1, Part 2

..My blindfold is amazingly secure! I still don’t know what time it is or where I really am. I can hear the birds with their early morning wake-up calls, but that could be anywhere.

You take a step away from me, leaving my back open to the morning chill. After the 30 lashes and the powerful fucking, the cool air is nothing but a relief. I let out a deep sigh and relax into my bindings, my body sagging a bit. An amusing thought pops through my mind, I wonder if we woke up the birds.

You approach me from behind again. Only this time it’s more ‘clinical’. I can feel that your pants are fastened securely where they belong and it doesn’t take long for you to untie my bindings. Once released, I practically collapse into your arms, thankful you’re there to catch me before I hit the ground. My legs so weak, I fear I wouldn’t be able to get up again.

Your arms wrap around me from behind and your lips caress my ear as you say, “I’m so proud of you, my pet. You took your punishment quietly and majestically. Now, let me take you inside for reward.”

…Into the Woods

(Read Part 1)

I feel the pull of the truck as you drive forward out of the garage and turn onto the street. The furry blanket you have wrapped around me is remarkably warm and comfortable. As you drive, I shift my head back and forth a little to gather up some of the fur underneath myself to form a makeshift pillow.

The radio is on. Nothing special. I think it’s the local classic rock channel and it sounds like Fleetwood Mac or something. I’m able to focus on it instead of what’s actually happening to me.

There are some turns and some stops. At first, I try to concentrate on how long between stops, how many turns… But I have never been good at directions. Being blindfolded and laying on my side in a Jeep isn’t helping to orient myself.