He will be called Mick because he looks almost exactly like Mick Fleetwood, only shorter (and a bit like my dad and Willie Nelson, too. The dad part’s a little creepy…)
There’s a gentleman at work. He’s one of our agents and works as an independent contractor. He doesn’t come into the office very often, but we talk on the phone quite a bit.
I’m a moron! I did it again! Well, I didn’t really do it, but I made someone think that I might. Why is it that when boys flatter me I completely lose control of my sensibilities!?
I belong to a few Roller Skating groups in Facebook and this guy in one of those groups really thinks that I am the bee’s knees. I love flattery (maybe because I didn’t get many compliments when I was growing up, I don’t know) and I can’t seem to resist a guy who likes to talk dirty to me and tell me how beautiful I am (for the record, Loverman did not seek me out. I REALLY wanted him! And now he frequently validates my sexuality very well — and talks dirty to me!). Both times Dude and I talked, I maintained that I am in a very happy relationship and I am extremely satisfied with my lover (I like him so much I wish I could have him more!).
After our second conversation, I briefly talked to his roommate and asked him if Dude was a player. He candidly responded, “He’s a man. Of course he’s a player. I’m a player. But skating is my real girl.”
So, Dude was supposed to call me tonight. I am hoping that he got the hint when I kept telling him “I am really a flirt, I love the attention and the flattery, but I really really like my boyfriend. My sexy baby takes very good care of me and he trusts me.” Still, this gentleman was very persistent and insisted that I should talk to him later about it and that he would call me at 7 (4+ hours ago). He hasn’t called yet (Whew! Crisis averted?). Maybe his roommate told him to lay off.
Those words being said, this is what I want to say to him (really, really) if we talk again because I can control my impulsive self, goddammit!!! (and I really do love my Loverman!)
(and, yes, I know that if I truly was gifted in the craft of impulse control, I would just not answer the phone, but I think I would kind of like to know what it feels like to have someone “fight for me”. Just for a little while. Is that so bad?)
I shouldn’t have teased you. I got you all got and bothered and worked up, but the fact is: I got a man. He makes me very happy, almost all the time (which is all anyone can really hope for). 5 years ago I fought to get this man, 2-1/2 years later he left me, and 5 months after that he let me back in. He was a very broken man and I spent a lot of my time and patience showing him and waiting for him to understand that I wasn’t out to hurt him. I waited and waited and waited for this special man to let me in to his innermost thoughts (and I got to meet his mom and I know his brother…) and it would be very shitty of me to turn around and fuck someone else because I can’t keep my pussy tucked in my pants.
I am sorry if my flirting led you to believe that we could actually have a “thing”. The flirting and sexting is very flattering (and panty-moistening) but, after I thought about it on my way home, I realize that I can’t betray my sexy Loverman like that: just for a quick roll in the sack with a stranger for the thrill of it. My relationship with him is so important to me. During the time he was gone from me I could barely go from one day to the next. I can’t even imagine trying to get through the rest of my life feeling that same emptiness.
We could possibly skate together, but it would have to be with my Loverman, too. We both skate together all the time and if I was seen “skating with another man” I am pretty sure I know how it would make him feel — and he would definitely find out about it! I know how it would make me feel if the tables were turned… How would you feel if you found out your girl was out screwing around with someone else?
I am sorry, Dude. We can be “skate friends”, but not the rest…
I MEAN IT!
Back when I was a teenager I used to be coy intentionally. I teased my boyfriend mercilessly because I loved the control it gave me (big surprise that in High School I only had that one boyfriend). It gave me such a rush to know that someone wanted me that badly (don’t worry, I didn’t tease him that bad. I blew him and he got off…). But I was also raised by some very
crazy religious parents, so part of this coyness was covering for my naiveté because I seriously didn’t know.
I thought I had grown out of that a long time ago, but apparently not. I guess I acted like that coy girl so often that she just became a natural part of me. So now it seems like it’s something that I do instinctively.
I think that’s what happened last Friday when that collection attorney (Brent) asked me for coffee (and, by the way, I did find him on Linked In and added him as a Connection – and he accepted! Probably because of my mad writing skills ;)). While I was trying to be polite and conversational in the uncomfortably silent elevator, I probably gave him some kind of look or my body spoke to his subconsciously in some way — I don’t freaking know! I like to joke around a lot… Maybe it was my silliness that drew him to me. That’s one of Loverman’s favorite things about me…
I have that tendency to seem naive and innocent… Maybe my charm is just in my simplicity and not because I am intentionally being demure. Sometimes simplicity can be demure, right?
The reason I am even bringing this up is: I caught myself doing it today.
One of my attractive male co-workers walked past my office. He looked over at me and smiled. I returned his smile and nodded — you know, the silent “hello”? But then, for some reason, my hand pops up from my typing and waves timidly at him over my computer screen.
WTF was that?
I’m glad he had already turned the corner and didn’t see my reaction. I don’t know what I looked like, but it had to have been something akin to surprised realization.