Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Stepping Out

Coincidence_Pattern

Last weekend I stepped out on Mick.

Things with him have been driving me batty. I felt like I needed a break in perspective (whatever that means).

So, Wednesday I turned my Tinder profile back on, changed my distance settings from 10 miles to 50 and started swiping (left mostly).

As (bad) luck would have it, I matched with someone whose profile seemed pretty awesome. Especially the fact that it stated he was moving to Steamboat Springs (3 hours away) at the beginning of June. (He currently lives almost 40 minutes from my house so, even if he wasn’t moving, that in itself would be enough reason for me not to want to get too involved.)

Perfect! Something fun and very temporary.

Whatever… That’s not how it turned out.

I sent him a note and waited to see if he would respond. Within 24 hours he did:

OK great… I’m moving to Steamboat Springs and Tinder finally lights up.

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Maybe Submission Isn’t For Me (aka The Note I Didn’t Send)

Wild Submission~ submission photo WS3_zpsfe6495a3.jpg

I think part of my issue with my submitting to you 100% is that I don’t really know my place. It’s hard for me to define myself as your little girl (or you as my Daddy) because, no matter what, for right now I am only the temporary ‘side bitch’. The thought is preventative and defeatist, I know, but I can’t get it out of my head. I am so lost and confused in my feelings about ‘us’. Right now I am supposed to be yours as your kitten/toy/doll/little girl, but I don’t really know what that means or entails. We’ve established boundaries, but not enough for me to establish a definite ‘role’. We are just starting to touch on which behaviors of mine are acceptable to you and which are not. When do I call you Sir or [Mick] or Daddy? Or are they interchangeable? Also something to think on, I don’t know why but I am having a tough time with calling you “Daddy”. It has slipped out in the past, before you defined yourself as such, now I find myself resistant to it. I am so fucked up…

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Amazing

He is amazing, but not like those guys in the stories.

He is amazing for the way he thinks.

He is amazing for the way he treats me, for his desire to care for me and help me improve myself.

He is amazing for his ability to keep me feeling special, even when I feel mundane.

He isn’t amazing simply because he’s a nice guy, he’s amazing because he found my soul in the quagmire of a billion and had the courage to reach out and touch it…

amazing

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A Temporary “Problem”

Before I wrote my Signatures post last week, there was a little bit of “drama” with Doom-n-Gloom.

After all this time, he still doesn’t have any type of government-issued picture ID! He wanders around with a ratty old County-Issued Birth Certificate that the state of Colorado won’t even accept as legitimate proof of identity and his photo ID from work. (I wrote my Is a Drivers License Important? post over 2.5 years ago)

When he gets carded at liquor stores, they won’t sell to him because he can’t prove his age. He then argues with the cashier because he is “obviously old enough to buy alcohol, gray hairs and all!” Of course that never helps, but he feels the need to do it anyway.

He has to call and make special arrangements if he needs to take an airplane anywhere. He gets to go to the Special Kids line… I’m so glad he doesn’t travel often, and never with me.

He can’t even get into a marijuana dispensary, let alone buy the shit!

Two weeks ago we went to a Notary Public at UPS to have our divorce papers notarized so I could file them with the county court.

Of course, the Notary would not notarize Doom-n-Gloom’s signatures because he could not prove he was really him.

I was absolutely furious.

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