Say Good-Bye to Another Horsefly

Say Good-Bye to Another Horsefly

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Mitch is gone.

I’m going to keep this as short and sweet as possible because we were only side fucks to each other.

Granted we were side fucks for 2 years, but that’s all we were or would ever be.

Still, the little prick doesn’t deserve very many more of my words.

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Memories and Instant Karma – Together at Last

Memories and Instant Karma – Together at Last

Wednesday was Loserman’s birthday.

It isn’t something that I can easily forget because it’s the day after my mother’s.

It was the first thing that popped into my head when I woke up that morning.

Not anything at all about the lovely date I had the previous evening with one of the Craig’s List gentlemen…

Nope, my brain went straight to Loserman.

To be fair, for the past 7 years, it is technically the first birthday of his that we haven’t been “together”.

So, I had the brilliant idea of sending him a text message to wish him a happy birthday (my brain still has his number memorized – he’s been deleted from my phone). My rationalization was that, hearing from me (of all people) so early in the morning would start his day off really super crappy.

It was my expectation that he wouldn’t respond at all and I could add that to my pile of reasons…

That whole idea totally backfired, of course.

He responded almost immediately, using my name so I would know he was aware exactly who the message came from.

“Thanks Smitten. I hope you have a great day too.”

Guess who’s day ended up being crappy…

Karma

 

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If He’s Nothing Else, At Least He’s Persistent

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Admittedly, it’s a very flattering feeling to know that someone has been fantasizing about me for the last two and a half years. And he is a successful attorney after all…

We only met briefly in a courthouse; he was the collection company’s attorney, I was getting sued.

He met me under some rather unflattering emotional conditions – doing something new alone (ARGH!!), which just happened to be going to court.

  • He saw me panicking at the beginning while I was explaining things to him (I think I even cried…)
  • I know I cried when the company agreed to settle for half of what I owed
  • I was exceptionally grateful to him after everything was settled and done – I thanked him profusely for being patient and kind and helping to make the process easier for me.
  • Afterwards, when we rode down on the elevator alone together, I was my silly self – making small talk as one does, except I am a total dork…

The day after, I found him on LinkedIn and we connected there.

Maybe that’s why Brent is so attracted to me…

Inadvertently, I charmed his pants off.
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“The Cancer” Strikes Again

“The Cancer” Strikes Again

After my last ‘interaction’ with “The Cancer” a little over two weeks ago, I figured I wouldn’t be hearing from him again.

This past Tuesday he hit me up:

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Silence…PuppySleepingOnPhone

But I have to confess that I am starting to enjoy text-torturing this man with my incredible wit and ‘intellect’…

 

Emotional Basket Case

Emotional Basket Case

For posterity: our ‘conversation’ yesterday morning after my sweet Loverman dropped me off at work. The first note was on a post-it that I left for him to find when he came back to pick up his truck, the rest were texts. He’s so sweet — he even said there would be  a next time 😉
I worry about that when I’m going insane. It’s something I’m working on…

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Thank you for letting me be an emotional basket case this morning. Sometimes my feelings for you are so strong it’s hard to control them.

I got your note. Thanks Mama for everything. I will talk to you later tonight. Mmmm…

Ooo…sorry about my performance last night. I’ll try to do better next time.

LOL! Your performance was awesome. Don’t worry about it, please! Thank you, sweet man. For everything! I’ll call you tonight when I leave work. Good luck with Bear.
I’ll be sending you positive thoughts. Kisses!

Saturday Scare

Saturday Scare

Maybe it was because of my nephew’s recent loss, or maybe I was just being a little over-paranoid… But my brain spent most of Saturday battling with itself regarding whether or not Loverman was okay.

Ultimately, I knew that he was okay, and in reality he was okay. But, when I don’t know for sure, there is always a very quiet part of me that keeps saying, “You know, one day you will be telling yourself ‘He’s okay’ when really your worst nightmare has happened — just like it did to your nephew last Monday.”

It is customary for me to send a text to Loverman when I get to work safely and then again when I get home from work safely. Only once has it really bothered me and that’s only because he doesn’t do the same thing for me — so sometimes I end up having this stupid internal battle with myself. Friday morning I sent him the customary “I’m safe” text and he responded… Friday night I sent him the same text asking him to tell me when he got to work safe, too…

He didn’t.

Then he didn’t text me in the morning when he got home safe either. At noon-time (12:42) I was missing him so I sent him another text saying just that, “Missing you… Hope you had a good night and you’re having a good day.”

Still, no response.

Three hours later I called him. Practically burned up his phone. Even if he was sleeping, he should have woken up! I called him 5 times. Then, I left him a voice-mail, hoping that the different ring-tone might wake him.

It didn’t.

I proceeded to read about 175 pages in Fifty Shades Freed and then made dinner to pass the time. Finally, at 7:53, I couldn’t stand it any longer and I called him again. It seemed like he wasn’t going to answer. The phone rang 5 times and he answered right before it went to voice-mail again. WHEW!!! What a relief!

He answered the phone with, “Wow! You read my mind.”

I said, “I was so worried about you! Thank you for answering!!! I am so glad you’re okay.” (He works 3rd shift, downtown at the ball field — sometimes the people downtown at night are really fucked up and I don’t think I am being unreasonable in my worry. And, right now, it’s baseball season…)

“Baby, I had to charge my phone. I was over at my brother’s house working on his car and then I took a nap. It was a good nap. And, he made sure to give me some food.”

Good. I worry about that, too. He has had fainting spells in the past and I’m pretty sure that it’s because he goes so long without eating (like over 24 hours sometimes!).

We talked for just over an hour (that’s how it usually goes). He’s so wonderful! Just a normal conversation to catch up on regular goings-on…

He texted me Saturday night after he made it to work safely. I know it won’t happen every time, but it felt really good that he remembered to this time!

2AM Photo Scare

2AM Photo Scare

It’s 2AM and your phone has just buzzed you awake, filling the room in white-blue LED light. You have a message. It’s a photo. No words, no explanation. Just a photo. Tell us all about it. And what happens next. Creative Writing Challenge: 2AM Photo

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Bling, bling! Bling, bling! Whenever I receive a text, my phone makes this awesome noise that my daughters call “Barbie Sparkles”. I like the sound because it’s loud and annoying enough to wake me up. But they are right, that’s what it sounds like.

Groggily, I roll over to pick up the glowing, vibrating phone from the nightstand. Even though I’m still mostly asleep I notice the time is 2AM. My brain knows it’s either the bank telling me that a deposit has cleared my account (I hate that sometimes I get those texts at 2AM!) or it’s my sexy Loverman sending me a sweet dream (I really enjoy those texts at 2AM).

I flip the phone open and open up the awaiting Multimedia Message. There are no words, just a picture message from Loverman of the driver’s side of the inside of my truck. The steering wheel looks like something smashed it into the dashboard, the airbag is deployed and deflated. Below I can see two legs sprawled out, mangled, jeans torn and bloody. I know exactly what happened. Loverman was in a car accident!

The grog immediately clears and I start to panic: Oh! My! God! Do I call the police? I don’t know where he is! Who am I going to call for help? He is the one I always call for help! I have to go out and find him! SSSSHHHHIIIITTTT!!!!

I frantically grab the clothes laying on the top of the dresser and spend 5 minutes falling all over myself because, seemingly, I cannot remember how to get dressed. It’s taking too much time and I am becoming more and more tangled with myself. “ARGH! This isn’t helping!!!” I think. But, I can’t think straight — what should I do? keeps screaming through my head over and over like a manic mantra. I am blinding myself with my fear, emotionally paralyzing myself in a state of utter panic.

It’s not until I get to my left shoe and I start putting it on when I start to realize how frantic I’m being. I need to slow down and be careful. I think about Loverman again and how disappointed he will be with me if I re-break that darn ankle so close to being deemed “healed”. Methodically, I concentrate on putting my left shoe on my healing foot and then I walk over to check myself out in the mirror because I don’t want to look like a crazy-meth-head-on-the-loose (even though I kind of felt like one).

I look acceptable. Freaked out! But, acceptable. I shake my body all over, take one more deep breath (inhale… exhale…) and I am on my way down the stairs to retrieve my jacket and my keys. Kitty was sitting at the top of the staircase watching me and he decides that he wants to go downstairs at the exact time that I do. And in the exact same footfalls, too. I avoid his elusive furriness for the first couple of stairs, but his fuzzy body lands on the third stair at the same time as my left foot.

“Fuck this!”, I hear myself say. I feel my body rolling down the last several steps and see my head hit the wall at the bottom. It’s strange how it all seems like an out-of-body experience. Am I unconscious? Am I dead? Did anyone hear and are they coming to help me? What have I done?

… … …

My eyes open with a start! I am laying back in my bed. There’s no pain. That’s strange. I move my head back and forth slowly. My neck’s not sore. Hmmmmm… I move my left leg around underneath the covers.  Hmmmmm, again. The ankle is fine. It doesn’t even feel sore…

Remembering what woke me up so abruptly, I look over at my phone and see that there is a new message. Hoping that it’s Loverman with a sweet and sexy bedtime message for me, I open it. I could use something to take my mind off that crazy dream! I notice, as I open up my phone, that it’s 2AM…