Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Return of the Ass Hat (aka: Loserman)


I have finally come to terms with the fact that my truck Bear is not going to get fixed. At least not while *I* still own him.

Originally Loserman was supposed to have Bear fixed by the end of February. That was the deadline I had set for him.

When he didn’t meet that deadline, he set one for himself: the end of March.

In fact, March appears to be the last time in here where I mentioned it or Loserman. (Infuriation? & Oops! I did it again)

There have been some interactions in-between that I almost told you about. One time he came over and showed me everything that he has done and exactly what he was and would be doing. I thought it went well. It seemed like he was really doing something.

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…Into the Woods

(Read Part 1)

I feel the pull of the truck as you drive forward out of the garage and turn onto the street. The furry blanket you have wrapped around me is remarkably warm and comfortable. As you drive, I shift my head back and forth a little to gather up some of the fur underneath myself to form a makeshift pillow.

The radio is on. Nothing special. I think it’s the local classic rock channel and it sounds like Fleetwood Mac or something. I’m able to focus on it instead of what’s actually happening to me.

There are some turns and some stops. At first, I try to concentrate on how long between stops, how many turns… But I have never been good at directions. Being blindfolded and laying on my side in a Jeep isn’t helping to orient myself.

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Today is Loserman’s Birthday


Oh my goodness, I miss him more and more every day.

It takes all of my willpower (and we all know I have none) every single minute not to reach out to him.

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Friday’s Text Conversation With Loserman


(In case you don’t follow my blog and/or know what’s going on 😉 , you can read this post and this post to help get you get up to speed.)

I should first preface with this because I didn’t address it here last week…

A week ago Sunday (1/25) Loserman came over to work a little more on Bear and take out parts to see exactly what needed to be ordered. That conversation went badly because he wanted to go over and rehash old shit yet again. He is just going to have to agree to disagree on that note and stop blaming me for something over which he had complete control.

Right now I am trying to focus on getting Bear fixed. If Loserman wants to beat the dead horse that he left back in Kansas City last November, we can do that after he’s done getting his fucking work done on my truck.

That being said… Last week Loserman “rescued” 3 other people with car problems, fixed their problems completely and sent them off on their merry way when he was done. (Loserman is not a mechanic by trade, he’s a security guard. He does favors for people on the side, when he can.)

I know this because he posted it all on Facebook.

LosermanFB1Yes, Loserman could have done the work and it would have been done right. However, his Over Night Lead Officer would have had to wait interminably long to have it completed.

LosermanFB2He towed and fixed a friend’s car in addition to the co-worker’s.
He’s always posting shit like this. Is he a teenage girl? His ‘friends’/family used to make comments and “like” these status updates, but less and less people have been.
He’s a 45-year-old man…

He must’ve posted this next update because only one person commented on the others.


Good for you, mother-fucker! You’re great at what you do… When you decide to fucking DO it!

I wanted to respond, “Hopefully he’ll call a mechanic. You’ll take 3 years to fix his shit and he’ll have to buy a different car in the interim.”

But I didn’t.

Funny thing is, that ‘mother-fucker’ was supposed to be working on MY truck last week: moving it so it doesn’t get towed, and telling me what parts he needs me to order. He promised that he would stay in communication with me.

I didn’t hear jack shit from him all week.

I’m not surprised.

I’m disappointed.

And absolutely infuriated! He is on my very last nerve and I just want to get my fucking truck fixed so we can be done with all this bullshit.

It’s like we’re in the middle of an ugly divorce and poor Bear is caught in the middle.

I wanted to know what his plans are to get my truck fixed, and he wasn’t posting updates about *MY* shit on Facebook, so I sent this text message to him last Thursday night:


He didn’t respond, so I sent the exact same message again about 12 hours later.


He responded within 20 minutes and we had the following conversation:




Again with that “according to you” shit!!!



“Not to cause any problems” huh?

“Make things better”?????? Yeah, all that “According to you” bullshit just now really made it seem like you’re trying to make things better!

Every fucking time I talk to **you** I have question marks on my head with WOW at the end (and then a whole bunch of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!).

I just tried to be nice to him, thanking him, telling him he’s good at fixing shit. That’s when he starts to pick a fight?!?

But, here’s me, still trying to be nice. Trying to stay focused on the task at hand. Trying to keep him focused like I used to be able to.


No response after that.

No email.

Saturday came and went. No Loserman.

Big surprise, right?!

Then, around 11PM Saturday night it started snowing. The sky dumped 6 inches on us in 3 hours and Sunday morning was beautiful but there was no way Loserman would be moving my truck over the weekend.

Like he promised…

If he would just fucking do it, then it would be done and I wouldn’t have to be nagging him all the time.

I’m frustrated out of my brain about this!

I hate how he’s treating me. He’s basically castrated me of all my control of MY OWN STUFF!!!

He literally has half of my engine with him as well as my Haynes manual. So, even if I wanted to do it myself, or find and pay someone else to help me, I fucking CAN’T!!!

Every day it eats at my insides and makes me hate resent him more. I’m freaking out constantly that my beautiful Bear will get towed.

And he doesn’t care a fucking bit. Even after I told him that I am freaking out every day about it, and HE KNOWS, he just lets me freak out every day about it.

He just lets me freak out every day about it.

*sigh* This is how he shows me that he doesn’t care.

And he shows me




I remember “the olden days” when Loserman and I would have fun, sexy or productive conversations. When we would be able to get things done together and harmoniously.

I miss the olden days…



And I Was Right!

It turns out that he left his phone on top of the truck and then drove away.

His phone fell off on the highway and, when he found it, someone had driven over it and it was completely destroyed.

I messaged his friend (that he’s staying with right now) and asked if he made it to their place this morning.

She told me what happened and woke him up for me 🙂

He’s on his way to meet me right now.

And I didn’t even have to wait the entire 3 hours!

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I talked on the phone with Loverman last Saturday morning. Pretty much the entire conversation just irritated the hell out of me. He doesn’t listen. We’ve talked about it in the past, but he doesn’t listen. He gets hooked on the first thing I say and then imagines in his head what he’s going to say the entire time I am talking. Not listening.

I thought it started out well. He was telling me about his week and how, for the last 3 days, he was so sick he couldn’t get out of bed. I asked if he was feeling any better and he completely avoided the question and started telling me how he called enough friends and rallied enough money to get his water turned back on. That was awesome! I told him good job and asked if he felt a lot better now that he had a little control over something. There was just uncomfortable silence.

So, I brought up the car of mine he just finished fixing.

It took him 5 years, but it’s finally done! I understand that he doesn’t have a workshop and all sorts of other things. Which is why it took so long. At the beginning, when he first started working on my car, it bothered me how long it was taking. Eventually I started to realize that, the more I bothered him about getting it done, the less he actually worked on it. He is also that way with his friends when they need him to work on their cars. So, I stopped bugging him about it and, about 2 years ago, I had pretty much written that poor car off as a loss. Having it now is strange.

Usually, when he’s done fixing or doing something to my truck, Bear, he likes a total progress report of how the vehicle is running afterward. I thought he would want to know the same for Breeze. My mistake.

I told him, “When you turn on the headlights, the dashboard lights go out. But, when the parking lights are on, the dashboard lights work just fine.” (Also, after further investigation Sunday night, the tail lights aren’t working either, but the brake lights do. I didn’t bother to tell him about that, but I will have to do something about it if I want to drive the car at night…)

“What do you mean?”

“Ummm. When you turn the knob on the steering column to the ‘Headlights On’ position, the lights behind all the gauges go out completely. But if you just leave the knob in the ‘Parking Lights’ position, the lights show up behind the gauges just fine.” At this point, on this topic, I was starting to get irritated so I spoke very slowly and clearly. I was frustrated that he was being so dense.

“Was that a problem before you gave me the car to fix?”

“I don’t think so. I’m giving you a status report on the car after I’d had a chance to drive it a couple of days. I’m not complaining or anything, I’m just telling you what’s going on with it. That’s what we usually do with Bear when you fix him.”

“Well, if it’s something that was broken before you gave it to me, then I won’t be able to fix it for you.”

WTF? I thought. Is he cutting me off because we had a disagreement?!? “Okay. I got it.”

Then, like a dumbass, I asked him if we were going to reschedule our sk8-venture this fall since the one we had already planned was cancelled. Loverman said, “I thought we weren’t doing that now.”


I was confused and didn’t know what to say to that, but I didn’t want to NOT say anything either. “I thought we were going to reschedule a new one. We just haven’t had time to talk about it. It has been over 3 weeks since we’ve had the chance to sit down and plan something out.”

“Yeah. Huh.” Was all he said in response.

“So, do you think you could say ‘Yes’ to me about this coming Tuesday? Maybe we can figure things out then.” (remember, this is before Mr. AM emailed me Monday morning)

“What do you mean ‘Yes to this coming Tuesday’?” He asked.

“You know, our regular Tuesday Date Night? We haven’t been together for a long time. I think it would be really nice if we both had something to look forward to.”

“I don’t know. I will have to let you know Monday.” (he didn’t, by the way. Hence the plans with Mr. AM.)

Near the end of our conversation, we were talking about something else and he called one of his “friends” dumbass. He refers to her as that frequently, he also calls his wife that and two of his other friends. I get that he’s joking, but he calls them that so often, sometimes I can’t figure out who he’s talking about. He sure has a lot of dumbasses in his life!

After he was done telling me his story, I made the mistake of asking him if he ever calls ME dumbass when he’s talking to his friends. “No, I call you by your name when I talk about you. Why would you think I call you dumbass?”

“Because you call all your other friends dumbass when we’re talking. I was just wondering…”

More awkward silence.

I asked him to be sure to let me know about date night sometime on Monday so I would be able to pack a bag. He agreed. The conversation ended uncomfortably.

Sunday we didn’t talk/text at all.

Monday morning at 8:15, I sent him my usual “At work safe” text. I asked if he was feeling better and said to have a good day. I didn’t mention date night at all.

When I didn’t receive a response, I decided to say “Yes” to Mr. AM.

Loverman finally responded at 2:30 yesterday (Monday) afternoon with, “Thank you for letting me know you are at work safe. I will check Breeze out.” He sent it twice.

I sent him one more text, at 9:49, before I went to bed that said, “I hope you are feeling better. Have a good night.”

I haven’t heard back from him since. I hope he’s okay and that he’s just sulking and have a huge pity-me party on Facebook.

But I think that’s the last thing I will do to initiate contact with him. If he wants to talk to me, he can reach out to me.

I don’t feel like chasing him down this time.

Chasing Rainbows by MrsFrenchFry

Chasing Rainbows
by MrsFrenchFry

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One More Week! and Happy Friday!

It has been such a long time since I posted, I’ll bet you all thought I forgot about you, eh? Work has been insanely busy this week and probably next week — because I am taking next Thursday and Friday off for my sk8-venture next weekend (and it is budgeting season *sigh*).


I am SO excited for my first sk8-venture!!! But this week has been kind of rough. Tuesday morning the fuel pump went out on my lovely truck, Bear. This is 3 weeks after Loverman replaced the water pump *sigh*. It’s frustrating because I am already pinched for money and now this costly little snag… I feel very lucky (blessed) that Loverman is here for me to help fix my truck when it breaks. It’s nice to know that I don’t have to pay an auto-shop huge amounts of cha-ching in order to have reliable transportation.

I have thought a few times about getting a newer car and making payments every month, but Bear always wins out. It might seem like he needs to be fixed all the time, but I spend less $$ in maintenance on my truck than I would be spending on payments for a newer vehicle. I understand that I might make up the cost with better gas mileage; I just love LOVE love my truck too much to let him go. I have another car at Loverman’s house, he just needs to drop the engine into it and re-connect everything. That one gets better mileage. I am just waiting patiently for it to be finished. (and once it’s done, that car will probably go to Thing #1.)

Dream of Alone Man by Ivan Koulakov

Dream of Alone Man
by Ivan Koulakov


After taking three weeks off from Date Night, Loverman and I went out again this Tuesday. We have been skating together and talking on the phone, but I wanted to take a little time away from him because we were both seemed so easily irritated by each other almost constantly. Plus, our last two Date Nights didn’t go very well and it was more than a little frustrating. Frustrating enough that I thought some time “apart” might actually help us better appreciate our time together again.

I realized that one of the reasons I am so devastated when we don’t have a good time is probably because we don’t know when we will be able to spend more time together. Each time we are together could be our last time together for a while, which adds needless pressure to have a good time no matter what; and sometimes that just isn’t possible.

I was right. I missed the hell out of him for the last week and he (and Coconut) obviously missed me, too. It was nice to snuggle up in his warm arms and sleep together for at least one night! Now we will have to wait until next weekend, but then we will have 3 whole days together.

There isn’t much to write about, though, and my creative writing juices just aren’t flowing this week (part of the reason I haven’t been writing). The sex wasn’t mind-blowing, but it was a lot (for one night…). Something that I needed very much! I reveled in the intimacy and I think that spending a few weeks abstaining helped him to re-appreciate me a little, too. But he doesn’t get much sleep during the week, so when he’s with me it’s tough for him not to crash out completely.

Our 45-minute drive to the casino/hotel was very quiet, but it was the comfortable silence of being together. At one point I looked over at him while I was driving and saw he had fallen asleep — so cute and peacefully, I couldn’t bear to wake him. As we were pulling into the parking garage he woke up and said, “Perfect timing, Mamacita.”

When we got to our room and had settled in a bit he asked me if I wanted to go downstairs and get a drink. I was laying on the bed on my stomach and I just looked up at him and said, “Can’t we just spend some time together here? I really missed you and I just want to be with you.”

“Your wish is my command, Mamacita. If you want to stay here, we will stay here.” Then his phone rang and it was his brother in St. Louis. His 80-year-old mother had surgery last week and they were calling to check in. While they were chatting on the phone, I massaged his feet and tried to make him more comfortable and relaxed. He was so tense.

He hung up after about 30 minutes, got undressed and the rest of the night was ecstasy!

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The Way Bear Sees It

Daily Prompt: The Cat Says Meow

Write a story about yourself from the perspective of an object, thing, animal, or another person.

(From the perspective of my awesome truck, Bear. I love him so much and he takes such wonderful care of me.)

Not my Bear, but close!

Here comes Momma Bear! Good morning, Momma!

It must be time to bring her to work. It’s so sweet the way she talks to me every time she comes to get me. “Hey, Boo Bear!” she says in her cheerful way. “How much are you going to need this morning, Buddy?”

My door gets unlocked and opened, then Pop! goes my hood as Mom pulls the lever inside. She climbs into the back seat to get the bright blue plastic jug with the thirst-quenching, heart-cooling water she calls ‘antifreeze’.

Sometimes I wish I could just tell her how thirsty I am. That darn leak under my hood has really gotten worse in the last few weeks and I hope she fixes me soon. It really bothers me when I can’t take care of her the way I need to. I know that she doesn’t mind — I usually work really hard for her — but I don’t ever want to let her down. Momma Bear takes very good care of me and she needs me. I know how disappointed she would be if I couldn’t take her to the places she needs to go, but she will never say it.

She walks back around to my front to open my mouth the rest of the way and prop it open. Her slender fingers gently unscrew the cap from my nose and, a few seconds later, I can feel the sweet sensation of that slimy, green water oozing into me. Ahhhh, that feels so nice! I guess I was pretty thirsty, huh?

“Wow! You were really thirsty this morning, Bear! It’s not long now. Papa Bear is going to replace your water pump tomorrow and you will feel much better in no time at all. I know you’re getting old, Bud, and I really appreciate all that you do for me. He’s even going to give you an oil change because I know you’ve been asking for it.”

Whew! That’s a relief! Even though I can’t use words with Mom, she always seems to understand the noises I make for her. The last couple of weeks I have been tapping a little louder to remind her that it’s time for my regularly-scheduled oil change. I overheard her tell Papa a few days ago that she knows I’ve been asking for one. I’m a little disappointed to hear that Papa will be doing it this time, but he takes really good care of me, too.

I hear from under the hood, “Everything else looks good, Bear. You’re such a good boy.” Then she closes my mouth with a little slam and affectionately runs her hand across my hood as she walks around me to open my door and get in. The key is turning in my ignition now and I can feel the power surge into my heart, my motor, my lungs. “RRRROOOOAAAARRRR!” is all I can say, but I say it loud and proud and Mom loves it every single time I say it to her.

“Yes, baby, I love you, too,” I hear her say from inside of me. Her foot is on my clutch and I am shifted into reverse. The gas surges through my veins and I am ready.

Ready to take my Mom wherever she wants to go!

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So Angry!!!

So Angry Animated photo so-Angry-Comp-Tag.gif

I just gave Loverman $500.
$400 was to help him catch up on the payments for the stupid fucking BROKEN truck that he bought 2 months ago (and he’s already 2 payments behind!)
$100 was to help him pay on a television that he has on layaway – except he just found out that he has to pay $100 for his car insurance to be reinstated, so it’s going to that instead.
I have been letting him use my truck and I have been giving him rides, because his truck is broken right now (that is also what I have so affectionately named his stupid fucking truck: “BROKEN”)

Right now I am so angry I could spit tacks!!!

We were supposed to be going out together tonight (we probably still are, I don’t know…)
This is the text conversation I just had with Loverman.

I’m going to be late picking you up

I figured. Do you know how late?


That was the end… How long am I supposed to wait here for him? It sure would be nice to fucking know, eh?

Thank you for letting me get this out of my system before I spend the night with him. I wanted to unload all this fucking anger before I see him so I don’t say/do anything stupid. But I am still angry — I am thinking about starting to walk the 17 miles home… If I don’t hear back from him in 15 minutes, that’s what I’m going to do – at that point he will be over an hour late to pick me up, and he knows what time I get off work (I even reminded him before he “dropped me off” this morning).



The I-Team

How to Draw SpongeBob & PatrickthumbnailTuesday Loverman bought a new (to him) truck for his up-and-coming roadside assistance business. Before he bought it, instead of calling his wife he called me. He wanted me to check out the truck and ask questions about it. He wanted me to be there when he signed the papers because I am an “accountant” and he wanted to make sure that he didn’t miss anything. Isn’t that something he should be asking his wife to do with him?

When my ankle was broken, Loverman was the one who went with me to the doctor. He was the one who made sure that I was taken care of and that I was taking care of myself. When my car breaks down and I need help I call Loverman. Isn’t that something that my husband should be doing for me?

We really make a damn good team.

I can remember when it used to be like that with the husband. I guess that our teams just changed a little. We got married, had kids, got older and life became more complicated. That’s when it feels like I started working on the Family Team and he kept working on the I-Team. Every once in a while I can see that he wants to change teams to make me less angry, but it doesn’t last very long (just until I’m not angry any more) and then he’s back on the I-Team again.

But I guess I’m really on my own I-Team, too…

Aren’t we all?