I started writing this back at the beginning of June 2013 and it’s been sitting on my desktop ever since. Every once in a while I change a word or open it to read it. It hasn’t changed much. I’ve just been waiting for the end to come to me.
I finally figured it out.
Wanting to lash out and make others suffer, too
Hoping to be swept up and put back together again
Wishing for a unicorn…
In just the first two days of this week I have unloaded a lot of baggage on Mr. X.
He listens and is genuinely concerned about my well-being, both physically and emotionally. Then, he is intuitive enough that he knows what to say and how to act in response. I’m sure that plenty of men are that way, I just haven’t had one of them in my life. So, relatively speaking, such a thing is like a mythical creature to me: a unicorn, per se. Therefore I feel special and lucky for having found one.
I have told him a few dumb little things about my parents, we talked about two of the most recent discussions I had with Doom-n-Gloom and we even talked about how to deal with Loserman if he contacts me the same way as he did last time.
Every time I share something new with him, I am a little worried that it will be too ‘scary’ for Mr. X and he will run. (We’ve talked about that, too 😉 )
Mr. X already really knows the worst bits of me and still he has not run.
So… Yesterday morning when I was talking and Mr. X was listening, he said the strangest thing:
Wow! I think you might need me more than I need you.
I’m pretty sure I giggled because that’s what I’ve been thinking this entire time…
Then, because he thought I needed it, he carved out a very short time to be with me. Just to be with me.
I got to be with him for an unexpected 30+ minutes.
It was lovely and he did it just for me 🙂