Food for thought…
Food for thought…
I want so badly for someone to be proud of me and to tell me they’re proud of me.
To value me and help me feel that value.
To treasure me like I know I deserve to be treasured.
To wear me on his arm like a prize.
I do all that I like and enjoy almost every single day, but I still feel unfulfilled and I still struggle to fill that void.
I search for validation from my partner because, no matter how hard I try and no matter what I tell myself, I still do not have the power to validate my Very. Own. Self.
I want to bloom, but I don’t know how to nurture the tiny baby blossoms.
Life of a Lovergirl was kind enough to nominate me for a Versatile Blogger Award a few days ago. Thank you, Mistress! I am honored, but she got me to wondering “Am I really a versatile blogger?”
My answer to myself is “No“, because I think it’s safe to say I write about the same thing all the time…
I am stuck with a husband I can’t tolerate and I am in love with another woman’s man. She might not claim him as such any more, but he’s still her man in title. Blah, Blah, Blah…
I’m pretty much a big, fat whiner…
I am not hating on myself and I am not looking for validation. (Also, I am not looking for SEO traffic.) This is my open journal… But I started thinking to myself, “What makes you think that your words are so important that other people even give a shit what you have to say? Why do you feel this obligation to keep people updated about your life? Your husband doesn’t beat you, your parents were parents trying to get it right the best way they knew how, you have two lovely daughters, you have a job, and an apartment… The worst thing in your life right now is that you love a man you can’t have (yet!)?! How conceited are you? What can you possibly have to share?”
My posts are nothing but screams for attention. I
write whine about how much I dislike the husband, but he’s still my husband. He still lives with me. He is the one sleeping in the bed and *I* am the one on the couch. I am the one who tolerates his laziness and everything else about him because I want to avoid conflict (which, I guess, makes me pretty lazy, too)…
But, still people read what I have to say — even if it is the same thing day after day. It’s crazy — but appreciated!
I love the people who read my blog. I haven’t received any negative comments regarding the fact that I am having an affair (even though I have a few followers who appear to be devoutly religious); the few readers that I do have are very nice in their comments… I feel like I have a bigger network of friends and a deeper well to draw from because there are people out there willing to read my blog and, sometimes, even follow it (and even more rarely make comments)!
Thank you, Wonderful Readers, for taking the time out to read my senseless whining and ranting and helping me feel just a little bit more versatile!