Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

My First Meeting

So… last Thursday night I finally bit the bullet and went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

I’d been sober for 12 days and it was getting tougher and tougher to resist stopping at the liquor store on my way home from work

Two weeks seems to be about all I can handle before I need to cave and buy another bottle



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“Shit Song”

Shit Song

by Kate Nash

It is like I’m always thinking to myself
I’d like to meet someone else
It is like I’m always thinking to myself
I’d like to meet someone else

Darling, don’t give me shit
‘Cause I know that you’re full of it
You’re full of shit
You’re full of shit

Darling, don’t give me shit
‘Cause I know that you’re full of it

I’m sitting with my friends
Getting drunk again on wine
And I think about you

I’m sitting with my friends
Getting drunk again on wine
And I think about you

You don’t have to think about yourself
All the time you’re full of shit
You know you don’t
No you don’t have to be so up yourself all the time

You could come round to mine
We could drink some wine
In the summertime
It could be quite nice

You could come round mine
We could drink some wine
In the summertime
It could be quite nice

I think I might just have the bottle
To myself

Darling, don’t give me shit
‘Cause I know that you’re full of it
You’re full of shit
You’re full of shit

Darling, don’t give me shit
‘Cause I know that you’re full of it
You’re full of it
You’re full of it

Darling, don’t give me shit
‘Cause I know that your full of it
And I know that you’re full of it

And darling, you don’t give me shit
‘Cause I know that your full of it
Yeah I know that you’re full of it

You could come round to mine
We could drink some wine
In the summertime
It could be quite nice

You could come round mine
We could drink some wine
In the summertime
It could be quite nice


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My First Day In Houston

I had a big, long debate in my head whether I wanted to be verbose or just sum up my trip. There is going to be some of both, I think, and not nearly as much of the sexy bits as I might normally write, but we’ll see what happens…

TravelThe Denver airport was nerve-wracking!

  1. I thought that, at 4AM, there wouldn’t be so many people. The wait line was already an hour long. I have learned my lesson for next time.
  2. I was patted down by security for a metal object in my left back pocket. (I didn’t have a pocket in my sweatpants. I was wearing garter panties, but there was no metal in them… Later TC suggested maybe it was the plate in my ankle and they were reading it wrong…???)
  3. Security had to go through my bag right after that because the denture cleaner I brought set off their “alert” (powdered bleach… Again, now I know.)
  4. I was flying Southwest and had managed to get into the “A” boarding group. Yay! But, by the time I finally finished getting through security, my flight had already started boarding… *sigh*

Even so, I made it right as they started boarding the “B” group, so I got my window seat! I wasn’t particularly fond of the couple who sat next to me, but they didn’t smell… She just kept rubbing up and down my arm while she was playing video poker on her phone. That was all. Like for most of the 2 hour flight… But I got a window seat 😀

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Monday Motivation: Wine




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Monday Motivation: Camping…

After our long drive and then setting everything up, both of us were tired and ready to sit by a hot, roaring fire and enjoy a glass of Reisling. Problem being, we hadn’t build a fire yet. But, the wine was chilling nicely in the cooler!

I wandered around the edges of our campsite to gather up kindling and you went into the tent to grab the wine, some paper to start the fire and a book of matches. When you came back out, I had already started building a pyramid out of the sticks and twigs I had found and you said, “Nicely done. We should have no problem getting a fire started now” then winked at me.

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Somewhat Sexy Update

Our date night last Wednesday night ended up being pretty awesome.

… After a couple of little snags because things didn’t happen the way I had hoped they would.

It basically boils down to this:

When we actually *get* to have a night together, I do my best to wear something pretty, put on clean drawers and shave all the prickly bits. The idea is that I look and smell nice for him.

Last week I was hoping that he felt that same way and, at the very least, would have bathed for me so he smelled nice and was mostly soft. Also, it kind of shows me that he appreciates me.

But he didn’t. And I was disappointed when he got to our room and told me he probably hadn’t showered in days; probably more like a week.

Aside from skating, we haven’t been able to spend any intimate time together for almost a month. I was ready to tear off his clothes the second he got there and mount him right on top of the bedspread.

When he told me how filthy he was, the last thing I wanted to do was suck his dick and ride him until we both passed out!

I sat down on the bed across from where he was sitting. He asked, “What’s wrong, Mamacita?”

It took me a moment to put my thoughts together: I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and ruin our first intimate moment together in practically 4 weeks.

“It’s just that, whenever we have time planned to be together, I try to look good for you. I try to smell nice and be soft all over. I want to look nice for you and I kind of wish you felt that way about me a little bit, too. I’m only a little upset and I will get over it, but I have to be honest with you and tell you that I am disappointed and a little sad at you.”

He was very, very uncomfortable and sat there quietly because I don’t think he knew what to say. Eventually he broke the silence, “Are you hungry, Mama? We don’t have to go skating tonight. We can just eat and shower and spend the night here.”

We didn’t discuss it further. He stood up and leaned over to kiss me. “Let’s get some Taco Bell so you don’t starve.”

The trip to get dinner and a bottle of wine was very quiet, but only a little uncomfortable. When we got back to our room we drank Riesling with our Nachos and Burritos and watched Blackish – so cute!

The show ended. I stood up and started to get naked for our shower.

When my panties were around my ankles, I bent over to slip them under my feet and Loverman was right be hind me as he leaned over my back and whispered in my ear, “You are so sexy and you don’t even know it. I am going to take you right now!”

I could feel his stiff erection pressing against my wet pussy lips and I wiggled my hips back onto him. It only took a few seconds and he slid easily into me.

His hands grabbed my hips and we thrust into each other over and over again. Usually my Loverman is quiet, aside from some dirty talk, but this time I could tell he was forcing himself not to orgasm. The louder he moaned, the harder he was holding back.

“Just cum, baby! I want you to cum all over my ass!” I screamed.

He did exactly as I asked.

And then he did it again while we were cleaning up in the shower…


My Amazing Ashley Madison Date

Disclaimer: this story may cause great bodily reactions, tingling and create excitement in some readers 😉
(thank you, myipadography)

He’s a Capricorn. I studied up on Capricorns before our date so I had some kind of idea what to expect.

I’m glad I did.


I found out that they are very reserved and don’t like affection in public.

They appreciate modesty, so don’t go all-out with a crazy “bare everything” outfit. That will turn him off.

Capricorns like intelligence and sarcastic wit. They appreciate cool composure and “stellar conversation”.

I learned they are very goal-oriented and, when they want something, they will slowly and surely get it.

They are dependable. When they say they’ll be there at 8, they will be there at 8.

They appreciate honesty and become comfortable with a person more quickly if they are immediately forthcoming.

They are very passionate lovers!

He was all of that, and he really liked me! I didn’t act any different from my normal self, but I was very grateful to know a little bit about what I was in for.

He texted me at 6:10 to tell me that he was stuck in traffic and his “ETA was 6:35.” The restaurant was downtown and I was relieved I would have a couple extra minutes to get myself together after navigating through all the one-ways and trying to find a parking garage.

The garage that I found was right next to the restaurant, underneath a luxury apartment complex and the elevators came out into the lobby. There was a concierge sitting at the front desk who said “Hello” to me as I walked by the first time.

But, I had forgotten to change my shoes to the ‘evening’ ones, so I had to go back into the building to get back to my truck. This time, I asked the concierge if the front doors were open 24 hours so I could get back in later. He told me, “I’ll be here until midnight, Ma’am. After that, security will be here. There’s a number at the door outside to call if no one is at the front desk when you need to get in.”

“Thank you. I have to go change my shoes quick, I’ll be right back.” (oversharing is a problem with me when I am nervous)

The concierge smiled at me, and when I walked through the lobby for the third time, he said, “I hope you have a lovely date.”

That was so sweet.

My date didn’t arrive until 6:45, but I didn’t care. It was a nice evening and I was waiting outside the restaurant on a bench. I called out his name when I saw him walking up to the door. He looked excited to see me; I’m sure I looked exited to see him. We side-hugged. I felt a connection then. He apologized for being late and opened the door for me to walk through first.

We didn’t have to wait to be seated. He had made a reservation and called to tell them we would be late (oooh, that was SO sexy!). The Hostess walked us to our table while he let me lead. I’m pretty sure he wanted to walk behind me so he could check out my ass. I did my sexy-curvy walk just in case 😉 He pulled out my chair for me and sat down across the table.

He was so charming. His smile lit up his face. His pictures on the website didn’t do him justice. They were super-hot pictures, but I thought they made him look arrogant and conceited.

If he was either of those things, they didn’t affect our evening together.

We had a lovely dinner. The meal was awesomely expensive ($162) and awesomely tasty and the company was so much better than I anticipated.

We mostly talked about work and what we are looking for in regards to a “relationship”. We got to know about each other; talked about our past choices and relationships, etc. He was very candid, as was I. At one point he asked me why it took so long for me to respond to his original message to me – 2 months.

I told him that I thought he looked/seemed way out of my league. When I saw his pictures he looked so handsome and professional and well-coiffed that I didn’t think I stood a chance. I thought that, once he actually met me, he would lose interest with me quickly. I’m just a simpleton. But, then, WTF? If I don’t try, I can’t know.

He reminded me that *he* was the one who initiated contact.

I reminded him that I only have a picture of my legs posted.

We sat at our table talking for almost 3 hours.

He walked me to my truck afterward, as I assumed he would. (Who says chivalry is dead?) We had to phone the concierge to let us into the building. We were let in and my date insisted, yet again, that I walk in front of him to the elevator.

I stood at the door of my truck, looking into his light brown eyes… It must have been intense because he broke the silence with, “You look like you’re thinking very hard about something.”

“Yes,” I answered. “I am thinking how much fun I had at dinner with you and how much I wish you would kiss me. And how I know we can’t really do that out here in the open…”

He was already looking around for security cameras and said something to that effect.

I turned around to face my truck and as I unlocked and opened the driver’s door, he stepped in close behind me, buried his face in my neck and breathed in deeply the scent of me. He kissed the side of my neck and nuzzled his face into my hair some more. One of his hands were up the back of my dress, fondling my ass, caressing towards the front to fondle my pussy a little through my panties.

I let my body be free to his touch, my hips grinding my ass into his hips, my hand grabbing onto his thick erection through his black jeans. I could hear myself making noises, they were echoing off the cement walls. I tried to quiet myself, but the electricity between us right then was practically palpable!

He asked, “Does the back seat of your truck fold down?”

“No, but the front one does,” I replied. My cheeks were flushed and our breathing was heavy. He got into the driver’s side and I walked over to the passenger side and climbed in. Immediately his lips were on mine – fierce and powerful, full of lust and passion – and his hand was creeping it’s way back up my skirt again. He reached my, now very wet, black panties and began pulling them down my right thigh; then the left.

I lowered my seat as far as it would go and he climbed on top of me — he was still fully clothed. He grabbed my hips and thrust me farther up the back of the seat. My shoulders and head were actually resting on the seat behind us.

Somehow, he managed to get his legs crunched up at the base of my seat, body between my legs and then he buried his face in my pussy!

For almost 45 minutes!

I came so many times that I lost count – twice I came so hard I actually thought I was going to lose consciousness!

After such a lovely dinner, to be worshiped like this was absolutely fabulous. I was in heaven. A few times, when I was actually coherent enough to form a complete thought, I said something like, “This is so unfair. You really need to be getting a turn, too. This feels so good, what you’re doing to me. I hope I can make you feel this good, too.”

All he said in response to that was, “This is your night. This is all for you.”

When I seriously thought I could come no more, he asked me, “Do you have another one in there for me?”

“I don’t think so.” I gasped, “You do so well, but I think she’s done for tonight.”

“Your pussy is so tight and beautiful and you are so sexually responsive. You just keep coming and coming. It’s powerful knowing I can show you this kind of pleasure. I want to feel you come again.”

“You can do this to me all night long if it’s going to feel this good.”

His mouth was fully on my clit, sucking and licking and he had two fingers in my pussy doing some kind of corkscrew thing. It felt a-MA-zing! “I don’t know what you’re doing, but don’t stop. It feels so good.” And I let loose with another orgasm.

“I thought you said you didn’t have another one in you,” he teased as he licked up every last bit of my juices, “You’re a squirter. Did you know that?”

I shook my head and answered, “No, but no one has ever eaten me out like that before. I didn’t even know I could come that hard!” He bit my inner thigh a couple of times to tease me and I giggled. My body was still trembling and he was rubbing my entire pussy with the palm of his hand, trying to calm me down. We were both drenched with sweat. The windows of my truck were completely fogged up.

“It’s like a sauna in here.” He kissed me a few more times, less energetically, and let himself out of my truck. While he was straightening his sport coat and shirt he said, “I am going to have to walk around for a little while to cool off. Should we try this again next week?”

“I would like that very much.”

He picked up one of my shoes that had fallen out of the truck, handed it to me and casually walked away. He didn’t look back; while I laid, barely aware, on the still-reclined passenger seat, dress completely disheveled, panties off, one leg out of the vehicle, sweating and panting and trying to collect myself. I laid there sprawled like that for probably 10 minutes. My brain was blown and all I could feel was the pleasure between my thighs. I laid there: mind-blown and giggling quietly to myself. My imagination kept flashing back to all parts of the night. The waitress, the amazing dinner, the great wine, the company, the crazy pussy-eating fest at the end…

I almost came again on the drive home thinking about it.

And, if there were security cameras in that parking garage, the sweet young concierge had a very scintillating night at work! 😉

I sent this email to him Tuesday night, before I passed out to dream of incredible oral sex:

Thank you for a breathtaking evening. It was better than I ever could have imagined! I look forward to having a next time so I can get a turn with you, too. The things you did to my body tonight were amazing! My mind is still blown.
On my drive home I had a hard time concentrating. I almost came again thinking about how you made my body tingle… Mmmm….! I hope you sleep well.
Titillated and tingly

His response Wednesday morning was:

I’m glad you had a great time (I did too!).  I’m traveling for work the next couple of weeks, but how does Tuesday the 1st look to get together?

I think it’s looking pretty damn good! What do you think?


Busy Week!

PSTM60There’s really not much for me to say this week.

Yesterday was President’s Day and I got the day off from work. Paid. Woo hoo!!! My job is awesome!!!

I didn’t do much… Finished reading Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn — good book. The beginning was a little slow and then, the second half started and I couldn’t put it down! I don’t know if I like the end, though… Read it and let me know what you think 🙂

This weekend I got this cool new mop that I ordered. So, I mopped. It works SUPER good and now my kitchen floor is totally sanitized (or at least it was before I left this morning 😉 ).

Tomorrow at work is meetings all day. In fact, as soon as I get done with this post I have to finish up one of the reports that I created with my Microsoft Access 2013!! Hooray! I have created an agent production report that I will be giving to all the agents tomorrow showing their sales, the deductions and their total contribution to the company since their start dates. I am really very proud of the work I’ve done on this project 🙂

Then we have another meeting with the managers when I get back from lunch. That one should be short and sweet and then I can get something actually accomplished by the end of the day.

TONIGHT I have a date night with Loverman. We’re not going to be doing anything special, just hanging out together with a glass of wine or two and getting some well-needed nookie-nookie 😉 in a comfortable bed.

Next week is his birthday, I don’t have anything special planned for that yet. Any ideas?

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I am so lucky, but so under-dressed.


This week the two other managing brokers for our little business are in town and my Boss-Lady wants to take them out for dinner tonight – to Elway’s restaurant in Cherry Creek! Along with them, she invited me, the bitchy girl that I work with and our Marketing “liaison” (for lack of a better word). Six of us will be in attendance 😉

I just finished looking through the menu to see if there was anything I would be comfortable ordering. There isn’t. There is a salmon entrée that might be yummy, or perhaps a salad… Maybe just cheesecake! A glass of wine will cost more than I normally spend on dinner for both me AND Loverman!

Don’t get me wrong, this is a wonderful invitation to somewhere I would NEVER be able to afford myself. I am so happy and so appreciative, but I sure wish I had known about it so, at the very least, I could have worn better shoes!!!


The Silent Treatment

Mask of Loneliness
by ~Dhevi

First, I want to say “Thank you” to everyone who reads my words. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for coming here to read what I am saying. Thank you for letting me share my journal with you. Thank you for your help and kind advice.

Sometimes I think that I am over-reacting or being melodramatic. This is one of those times, but I feel totally wretched inside and my heart really hurts and it doesn’t feel like it’s over-reacting.

Loverman is completely ignoring me now. I sent him three text messages last night with no response.

  1. 6:05PM – We’re home (when I got home safe — still trying to follow the rules… Stupid me!)
  2. 9:15PM (I tried to call him first. Ring, no answer.) – Hey there, sexy pants. Do I still get to go out with you tomorrow night? (Reaching out just in case… Again, stupid me!)
  3. 11:40PM – I wish I knew you were okay, too. (because I couldn’t sleep. I was very angry and starting to worry that he’s really NOT okay!)

I promised myself that if I didn’t get a response after I sent the 3rd message, I would just leave him alone until he decides it’s time to talk to me again.

He didn’t even have the decency to say, “Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you right now. Give me a couple days”, or anything like that. I think that would hurt less (maybe, I don’t know. It might be better to actually know he’s ignoring me and not hurt or in jail or something). At least then I would know something.

I broke my promise to myself (one of the biggest causes of unhappiness, according to Karen Sahlmanson — you should seriously read this article!!) and called him anyway because I still can’t control my impulses…

…I care so much about him…

…I can’t believe he’s treating me like this…

…My love isn’t conditional, but it sure as hell isn’t UNconditional! WTF!?!? …

…How many more times do I let him do this to me without telling him how it makes me feel?

This morning his phone is turned off. He never turns off his phone. If he turns it off then people can’t call him for his mechanic business.

It’s tearing me up inside but I’m trying so hard not to let it. I’m trying not to take it personally — even though I am pretty sure it is. I don’t even know what I did wrong! Is he upset because I got upset with him? I know that he’s feeling helpless and hopeless right now and that his pride is probably wounded, but does he have to take it out on me? What purpose does that serve? Usually we’re there for each other when there are problems. Did his car get repossessed and he’s too chicken-shit to tell me? How do I know if he’s okay? If he doesn’t care enough to let me know, then why should I?

But, this one thing keeps repeating over and over in my head, I can’t make it stop:

I can’t believe that he thinks it’s okay to treat his best friend like this!

Tonight I am still going “up the hill” to the casino with the cute-bartender guy, but I think I will have wine instead of tequila shots. I packed clothes for tomorrow because, whether or not Loverman responds(ed), I still intend(ed) to go up there and have fun and possibly have some more serious impulse control issues (I know, I know, that will not make me feel any better. Or, will it?) 😉 (j/k — I think)

bloodrose separator

I was going to write a post today about how I got all of my blood test results back yesterday afternoon and how proud I am of the results. Now I can’t wait to talk to the doctor on Friday because I think I will get a clean bill of health. Yay!

I am just going to try and focus on that good news all day (and the fun I will be having tonight all by myself!) because I am so proud of what I have done for me!! Huggs to me for “staying the course” and getting so healthy!!!

And these words may or may not help me, but I need to keep repeating them like a mantra (sometimes they bring me peace, sometimes they make me cry):

Everything that comes must also go. Like a breath, friends cannot be held forever.