Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

I Should Have Sent the Original (aka The ‘Conversation’ We Had Instead)

I think what you read about “ritual” is somewhat valid. The reason that I spent so much time on your neck yesterday was to reestablish your place. I am not sure that it needs to be at a particular time or place during our play. Last week was very different in that I gave you a break from the pain in so far as whipping or the bondage since you nearly freaked out the week before. You were more lover than sub, just to remind you that I am fair and not just here to torture you. If you are not of sound mind and body you are not much “good” to me. I have no desire for you to fear me. Your submission comes from respect. I welcome your suggestions on how I might win your submission more readily.

The pattern of what we do during play time is mostly the same. The difference is the positions and toys or tools. Here is the part where I don’t agree with “ritual”. If you get the same thing every time, then you expect it. I don’t think you should be able to anticipate what I will have in store for you next. You are supposed to be here for my pleasure. That should mean whatever I wish to do as well as whenever I wish to do it.

And as far as your libido, I will take care of that for you. Your imagination doesn’t have to be great either. It is my place to stimulate you and find new ways to take charge of your orgasms. Whether it be bring you to the edge of orgasm and deny it, or to give you more than you think you are capable of. I can take you to the point of mere mention of my touch will make you creamy, or a simple touch will make you shudder uncontrollably. Then, Daddy’s girl will know who she belongs to.

The response I probably should have sent is HERE

Read the rest of this entry »

6 Comments »

Self Doubt…

…It’s killing me.

I want to blame Loserman, but it really only starts there. The rest is me and my lame choices during my struggle to get over that horrible horsefly.

  • Scorpio – we’re still friends. Regardless, he was a bad choice.
  • TC – believe it or not, he’s a tough one to get over. Even though I only knew TC for a short time, he really broke my heart.

Read the rest of this entry »

3 Comments »

Monday Motivation: Be Yourself

BeYourself

1 Comment »

Monday Motivation: Water

water

2 Comments »

Unexpected Lunch Surprise

When we met for lunch yesterday, I thought we were simply going to meet for lunch.

I was quite happy with that because I had already seen him the day before and I enjoy his company (touch).

During our prior lunch date, I mentioned that I had finished my book. It seemed like he was eager to have his turn reading it, so I really thought he just wanted to go over that with me…

Anyhow… Later yesterday morning he sent the message, “Good morning, Flower. I will text you details a little later about lunch. But it’s going to be around our usual time.” (see? Lunch.)

I thanked him for telling me and sent him Kisses and Sunshine.

At about 1PM, he sent me the hotel name and address. *sigh* My heart skipped a beat and I told myself that there was probably a cool restaurant in the lobby or next door or something like that (yeah, right… But *you know* that if I had started thinking we were actually going to get naked together, I would start getting nervous! I was trying to stay calm. Also, I wasn’t ready for a ‘first encounter’ — if I had known this was going to happen I would have shaved my legs, right? At least I had on a new pair of panties. Whew! 😉 )

We sent a couple messages back and forth, but he was busy.

Ten minutes before I was to arrive, he sent me the room number and “directly behind the office second floor”.

That’s when I started to get nervous! My heart was thumping, but I was telling myself he probably just wanted to have somewhere quiet and private to go over my book and our ‘rules’. You know, stuff like that.

By the time I was parking the car, I knew why I was really there and I think my nervousness calmed a little.

I mean, this is what I wanted, right?

WhatINeedFromYou

(His words, not mine) I can hear his voice saying this to me

It was awesome! I wish we had more time. I could have laid with him for the rest of the afternoon and into the night…

The ‘ice’ has been broken. I was given incredible orgasmic release many, many times…

He was definitely worth the wait!

But I can’t help worrying if I did well. If he’s satisfied, too.

(I know, I know… I worry too much!)

Was *I* worth the wait?

WhatINeedFromYou-Response

Oh, Mr. X, did I take off any of your edge?

Assuage any of your hunger?

He was so quiet. So very quiet.

Not even a grunt (maybe a couple quiet ones near the end 😉 ).

I’m telling myself that it was just because I felt so good — he had to concentrate that hard not to cum.

But I can’t help wondering:

Why didn’t he text me back?

*sigh* I have so much more to learn…

3 Comments »

Date #2 With Mr. X

Last Friday we were having our morning “check in” talk and Mr. X told me that, for what it’s worth, he was sorry about the way things ended with Loserman. How sweet was that? I really appreciate his acceptance of me as I am. I mean, I put it all out there for him to see! It’s nice not to have to pretend for the first few “dates” until the ice is broken.

Also, I love having a daily check-in with him. It helps reassure me that everything is “okay”. You know how bad I am with that kind of suspense 😉

On another note, I keep expecting for him to ask me questions about what he’s reading on my blog. I wish he would ask more or say more or something. Some days, his silence is my suspense. Here’s what he’s said about my blog so far:

1. I need to keep it up just as I have been, talking about what I have been, etc…

2. What he said about being sorry Loserman ended it the way he did

3. He mentioned that he wished my post about our first date had been more positive about myself. Subsequently, he asked me to write a positive post about myself (so I wrote two! 😉 ).

I am going to have to be at peace with this thought:

If Mr. X has anything to say about my blog, he will say it. That is the way it has been and that is the way it will continue.

I worry too much!! Mither (1 of 2) Eventually I asked the inevitable question: when would I be able to see him again? And it would be perfectly okay if it was just a lunch meeting.

He answered, “How about today?” I was surprised! Honestly, I expected him to say Tuesday or something.

I don’t remember exactly how I responded, but it was like, “Same time, same place?”

“Okay,” he replied.

The butterflies in my stomach were doing flip-flops, I felt a surge of wetness in my panties. We talked a little bit longer and then hung up.

A couple of hours before we were to meet, he messaged me that he would be a little late. We ended up meeting 30 minutes later than originally planned. No matter. I was happy he told me at all! The consideration felt very nice.

It was wonderful to see him. I have been busy at work finishing up a part of the budget I didn’t think I was going to have to do, finalizing November’s numbers and also dealing with some more drama from the Atlanta ladies. Seeing Mr. X was a very pleasant diversion (although it did make it more difficult to concentrate on anything but him for the rest of the afternoon).

I enjoyed his company very much and felt more relaxed this time around. We spent a lot of time gazing into each others’ eyes and he kissed me a lot more. Even while we were sitting across from each other at our tiny table!

The way I feel around him is amazing! I feel pretty and intelligent and captivating and sexy and worthwhile. I completely understand that *I* control the way that things make me feel, but Mr. X sure makes it easy for my feelings to go in a positive direction!

When we first sat down, I mentioned to him that he was setting the bar pretty high for himself: talking to me every day, his incredible attentiveness… His being able to make this kind of time for me on an ongoing basis might be difficult to maintain. I am starting to really enjoy it and it’s something I could definitely get attached to.

I believe his response was, “I want to make that time for you. I enjoy talking to you and I don’t think you understand how often I really think of you.” (OMG – I think about him all the time!)

At one point he asked me if I would liked to be spanked for fun or for punishment. I think I blushed a little and I really didn’t know the answer. He answered himself quietly, “I will figure that out myself.” Now that I have had time to think about it, I have an answer!

Sweet Mr. X, spanking me with your hand would be fun for me. Punishment spanking would be you using something that isn’t you – something that doesn’t allow for direct contact of you to me. For example: a riding crop or belt 😉

While we were chatting I interrupted him. Probably a hundred times, actually. But, I remember once in particular because he was outwardly assertive with me and it really turned me on! He looked at me with a gentle smile, his hand raised a little bit to the side of my face (but not too close), and sternly told me to stop interrupting him. He really didn’t like that. Then directed me to look at his left hand positioned to ‘slap’ me. Immediately I felt a warmth surge between my legs (again!). And I stopped interrupting (I think).

I am not adding this to excuse my behavior (I guess maybe I am…), but interrupting is something I do when I get excited. With some of my friends, it isn’t a problem, it’s like we talk back and forth bouncing off each other like that; that’s how we talk. With other friends, it bothers the hell out of them because it seems like (to them) I am not listening; when really I am, I’m just so excited/intense/afraid I’m going to forget.

(I have a feeling that this will probably be the reason for many of my “reprimands” in the future.

I look forward to that part of my education 😉 )

It seemed like time had slowed down for us while we were together, but eventually it had to end and he walked me out to my truck, where he devoured my mouth with his most sensuous kisses yet. Later that night, I wrote him how they made me feel (at his insistence):

I truly am surprised I could stay standing after you left, let alone be able to turn around and get into my truck and drive away. My body was trembling and I had to take a bunch of deep breaths before I was able to go into work. My panties were wet almost all afternoon and I can still feel my pulse in my pussy now as I am writing this! I can only hope they made you feel half as good as that!

My panties were squishy for the rest of the afternoon and he has directed me not to masturbate until we have a chance to be intimate together. The suspense is killing me!

Leave a comment »

Worry Is Stupid

No matter how much you do it

Nothing changes

Worry-Quotes-60

8 Comments »

This Is How It Is Until I Know Otherwise

His phone has gone directly to voicemail all day.

So, this is probably how it is — even though my ultra-fucked-up emotions are trying to tell me otherwise.

He doesn’t have his phone charger and his phone died.

He will be waiting at the normally-agreed-upon waiting spot within 60 minutes of the loosely set meeting time (6PM).

Just because you started letting yourself trust and need him doesn’t mean he is immediately going to let you down. Especially not on purpose!

Every single other time it has been something reasonable.

And I freak out before I even know what the fuck.

I’m trying to calm myself by reminding myself that everything is always okay.

That I am too fatalistic and I overreact to the extreme.

Stop freaking out!

If he is not there by 7PM, then I can allow myself to think about starting to freak out.

Three more hours, possibly less, and I will (most likely) be reassured that everything is okay.

I shouldn’t be wasting all this time tossing around garbage thoughts in my head.

Comments Off on This Is How It Is Until I Know Otherwise

Worry

Unwelcome thoughts

frantically becoming

FEAR!

3 Comments »

Saturday Scare

Maybe it was because of my nephew’s recent loss, or maybe I was just being a little over-paranoid… But my brain spent most of Saturday battling with itself regarding whether or not Loverman was okay.

Ultimately, I knew that he was okay, and in reality he was okay. But, when I don’t know for sure, there is always a very quiet part of me that keeps saying, “You know, one day you will be telling yourself ‘He’s okay’ when really your worst nightmare has happened — just like it did to your nephew last Monday.”

It is customary for me to send a text to Loverman when I get to work safely and then again when I get home from work safely. Only once has it really bothered me and that’s only because he doesn’t do the same thing for me — so sometimes I end up having this stupid internal battle with myself. Friday morning I sent him the customary “I’m safe” text and he responded… Friday night I sent him the same text asking him to tell me when he got to work safe, too…

He didn’t.

Then he didn’t text me in the morning when he got home safe either. At noon-time (12:42) I was missing him so I sent him another text saying just that, “Missing you… Hope you had a good night and you’re having a good day.”

Still, no response.

Three hours later I called him. Practically burned up his phone. Even if he was sleeping, he should have woken up! I called him 5 times. Then, I left him a voice-mail, hoping that the different ring-tone might wake him.

It didn’t.

I proceeded to read about 175 pages in Fifty Shades Freed and then made dinner to pass the time. Finally, at 7:53, I couldn’t stand it any longer and I called him again. It seemed like he wasn’t going to answer. The phone rang 5 times and he answered right before it went to voice-mail again. WHEW!!! What a relief!

He answered the phone with, “Wow! You read my mind.”

I said, “I was so worried about you! Thank you for answering!!! I am so glad you’re okay.” (He works 3rd shift, downtown at the ball field — sometimes the people downtown at night are really fucked up and I don’t think I am being unreasonable in my worry. And, right now, it’s baseball season…)

“Baby, I had to charge my phone. I was over at my brother’s house working on his car and then I took a nap. It was a good nap. And, he made sure to give me some food.”

Good. I worry about that, too. He has had fainting spells in the past and I’m pretty sure that it’s because he goes so long without eating (like over 24 hours sometimes!).

We talked for just over an hour (that’s how it usually goes). He’s so wonderful! Just a normal conversation to catch up on regular goings-on…

He texted me Saturday night after he made it to work safely. I know it won’t happen every time, but it felt really good that he remembered to this time!

Leave a comment »