- He/She doesn’t show any interest in any of the things that interest you
- He/She doesn’t buy you gifts “just because”, or for holidays, or ever…
- He/She doesn’t take you anywhere and always says “No” when you ask them to do something with you (outside of the bedroom)
- He/She stops inviting you over to his/her house
- He/She forgets your birthday, even after being reminded it’s coming up
- He/She only hears what he/she wants you to want, not what you actually want
- He/She can only find 3-4 hours a week to spend time with you – sequestered alone in your bedroom, working at least 50% of the time and ‘letting’ you please him/her the rest of the time
Don’t find out the hard way 😦
A little over a week ago, while I was driving to my aesthetician for my monthly mons pubis mingis removis, some crazy woman pulled directly in front of me while I was going about 20 miles per hour.
I had to slam on the brakes and crank the steering wheel far to the right in order to avoid hitting her. Breezy lurched up and over the curb and I am surprised as hell that we didn’t run that fucking bitch over!!
Err, that being said, it was unnerving (to say the least) and I was glad that the light was red so I could sit and breathe and recover.
About a week ago, Alaska asked me to drive him to a client’s upcoming new home (or however you want to say it. I’m not a Realtor® and I don’t technically care about the technicality of it 😉 )…
… because the new home buyers wanted to take some measurements for some stuff they were moving in and other stuff they wanted to buy, yadda. yadda…
The thing about it was, we had already made a different type of plan to spend time together.
Have lunch, watch some cool stuff on the computer…
Other stuff… (I really like the other stuff!)
Right now my ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere… Timeline-wise anyway…
And I am totally okay with that.
On the surface, I think that I am ready; I act like I am ready.
I want to be ready… I write about it here – how much I crave it…
Long-term relationship companionship…
Sometimes those three words are easy to say.
…to my daughters, my friends…
Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.
I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.
Is it fear of rejection?
I know he won’t reject me…
If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read more
A friend of mine said something to me last week that made me think (probably more than I should have):
“The first time in the BDSM life style can be a bit overwhelming and, if you really enjoy it, a person can fall fast and hard for their first partner if they are not careful.”
I remember how much I liked my first “boyfriend”…
How enamored I was with the man I gave my virginity to…
Firsts are special.
Since our little ‘disagreement‘ a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t had much to say to Alaska.
He has called to check up on me a few times and my interaction with him has been minimal at best.
Also, I have been trying to stay busy so it’s easier to say, “No” to him when he wants to ‘hang out’.
It’s difficult to share pieces of myself and be vulnerable when I don’t feel I’m being appreciated.
Since Alaska pretty much shunned me last Monday, I’ve had little-to-nothing to say to him.
In all honesty, I am disgusted.
Disgusted with him.
Disgusted with myself.
DIS – GUS – TED
I decided to step outside my ‘box’ and try something a little different for a change. It is too comfortable in my little closed-off world and I need to start “BECOMING”.
Becoming what, I don’t have a clue, but I have been hating myself for long enough for no good reason.
THAT SHIT NEEDS TO CHANGE AND THE ONLY PERSON TO CHANGE ME IS ME!
So, this past Wednesday night, I attended a local monthly Submissive Group.
Monday night I finally decided to talk to Alaska about his lack of respect for my time and money.
It started with, “Get me a beer.”
As I walked to the kitchen to get a new beer that *I* had paid for (since he drank the rest of my last 6-pack – that I paid for…), I grumbled, “You know, just a little appreciation and thanks goes a long way.”
“What’s that?” He asked.
I repeated myself.