Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Funky Feelings

on February 23, 2016

Depression

I’m not much of a whiner.

At least I try not to be.

Obviously I have times where I rant and complain and yes, possibly whine.

But I would rather be a grateful person and try to look at all the good and see the positive around me.

Lately that’s been getting harder and harder.

My bright days are getting grayer and grayer.

It’s harder to pull out of the funk.

Mondays are the worst. Probably because I spend every weekend roller skating with my friends and all the endorphins get built up. Then, Monday morning comes and there I am, in the middle of a crash.

I’ve been thinking about writing here about my feelings, but why?

You guys can’t help me. Shit! You might not even want to.

Most days I cry for no reason.

Other days I have to force myself to go outside or exercise – and that’s something I ENJOY doing! Plus, it helps me put the sadness away for a little while.

But it always comes back.

Never fail.

Even when I run away and try to hide from it.

As the days go by, I tell myself that everything’s okay. But then I wonder why I can’t stop crying.

There’s nothing really to cry about.

Depression

What the hell is wrong with me?

My life is going well.

I have my divorce; I’m single.

My daughters are grown.

And, for the first time in my life, I have an amazing group of friends! Not just one friend – AN ENTIRE GROUP!!!

I am grateful for those things every single day, along with a thousand other things: the fact that I have a job (even though I don’t like it), I have my health, I have a home and two reliable vehicles and food on my table and the ability to take vacations, etc etc etc…

So why is this stupid weight so heavy?

depression


9 responses to “Funky Feelings

  1. augustmacgregor says:

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I think it’s good you mentioned the positive things in your life — friends, health, and so on. I believe that’s important, so that you don’t only focus on negativity. Spending time with quality friends can be such a good pick-me-up. Have you talked with them about what you’re going through? Friends can know us so well, they can offer meaningful advice.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you!!
      I don’t like talking about feeling depressed. I’m ashamed of myself for feeling this way because I really have nothing to be depressed about. It feels like I’m whining.

      • augustmacgregor says:

        Please do *not* be ashamed of yourself for feeling this way. Be kind to yourself. I’m convinced that everyone goes through times when they need to gather strength. Even the people who act confident all the time. So please don’t be so hard on yourself.

        • smitten says:

          Thank you, Sweet Man!!
          It’s hard to change the thoughts we were taught as young people, but I have been working on it ❤

          • augustmacgregor says:

            I agree… habits can be hard to break. But if you ask your close friends to help, they might come to your assistance in this. Don’t try to tackle it alone.

  2. lisa74 says:

    Are you on an antidepressant?!? To me, having it all and still being depresses screams depression. If you are not on a med, I highly suggest you make an appointment at a mental health facility…

  3. Madeline Harper says:

    I only wish I could hug you tightly. I know I know all too well and wish I could help ❤️❤️

Talk to me :-)

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