Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Must Haves

on June 19, 2014

Yesterday was meeting-centric at work.

There is one Wednesday every month where we have a sales meeting for 2 hours in the morning, then we have an hour break to check our email, eat and pee, etc… and then we’re back in a manager meeting for another hour.

I don’t look forward to those Wednesdays, but I don’t necessarily dread them either.

It’s the one day a month when our office has more testosterone than estrogen. Meetings with the sales men have been some of my favorite meetings and it just so happens that I fancy one of them. I always try to get a spot next to him…

Anyway, we currently only have one sales woman and she’s the boss (Boss-Lady).

She said something in yesterday’s morning meeting that made me think.

When someone wants me to help them buy a home, the very first thing I do is sit them down and make a list.

One side of the list will say “Must Have” and the other side of the list will say “Want to Have”.

I make a copy of that list and as we walk through each house, I check off the items on the list.

Do you think it would help if we carried around a list of the things that we “Must Have” when we’re trying to find our someone?


How often do you think the things on that list would change?

Every time we have a failed relationship?

Sometimes maybe in the middle of them?

It got me to thinking, though, and I think my current list would read a bit like this:

  • I need him to want to act like an adult. For example — take responsibility for his actions (mistakes and all).
  • I need him to want to take care of himself (because if he can’t care for himself how can I possibly expect him to care for me).
  • I need him to want to grow and learn.
  • I need him to be patient and understanding with, and not isolate himself from me for a week (or longer) when I have an attack of PMS or disagree with him. Clue = that is when I need him the most.
  • And I need him to NOT tell me that I am ALWAYS oversensitive because I am NOT!!

Most times I fight it successfully. I’m sorry that my stupid PMS monster comes out that goddamned twice a year, for fuck sake! It’s not like punishing me with silence is going to make me happier or something.

Ahem… **attempts to regain composure**


14 responses to “Must Haves

  1. beautifulmess7 says:

    I made a list of the top 10 things I need from a partner when my marriage ended. I had never considered my needs before, and it showed in who I picked. I think it’s important to differentiate needs and wants, too. Instead if making it about a specific partner’s failures, make it about your needs. So the one about him not being in contact, etc. would be reframed as something like: “I need a supportive and communicative partner who doesn’t isolate himself during disagreements.”

    • It’s good to hear from you. I hope things are well 🙂
      I agree with you. It’s more important to focus on me and what I want, not a partner’s shortcomings.

      • beautifulmess7 says:

        Things are great. I’ve been silently following. 🙂 It’s good to see you focusing on yourself

        • I’m learning. I just started reading “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay”. I am hoping that it gives me that final push I need.
          Thank you for your encouragement ❤ and I am glad you're great!!

  2. ItMatterstoGrey says:

    A must have is only good if they are on the market.

  3. I think it’s good to write out lists of your must haves! The more you focus on what you want the more it manifests itself to you! 🙂

  4. says:

    All of us have expectations, but most of the time, it is hard to have something that meets all your expectations, will be lucky if it meets most of your expectations!

  5. augustmacgregor says:

    I think a Must Have list is a great idea to help focus what you’d like that special someone to have. But at the same time, keeping an open mind, since people can (and do) change, and someone might not fit all the items on the Must Have list to a T.

Talk to me :-)

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