Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Baby Steps

on December 27, 2014


He said he gave me a 6.5 because he wanted to be honest.

I appreciate that. It gives me something to work towards.

I am not denying that it hurt or that it was a pretty huge blow to my ego (whether or not I am actually a 6.5).

We talked about it at breakfast Friday. He told me that he mentioned it to 2 of his friends and they thought he shouldn’t have been such a dick about it so blunt. Although he agreed there could have been a kinder way to say it, it worked out fine this way, too…

Because, either way, it’s important that I know if I am or am not pleasing to my lover, right? What kind of sub would I be if I didn’t care how good he thought I was? Or how good he thought I felt or performed.. I want him to be proud of me… Pleased with me… Pleasured by me…

I am not changing for him, but we are learning each other.

Does that make sense?

Also, it’s possible he was trying to gauge my emotions and how I will react to different things – a bit of a test maybe. Not to be an asshole, but to get to know me/feel me out. He eluded to it a bit at the beginning of our breakfast Friday.

It was something he said and his words totally perplexed me… It was strange. He saw it on my face but didn’t ask me about it – I could tell and appreciate that he held back.

Incidentally, Mr. X confided in me that he thought I was going to “break up” with him for his 6.5 comment. It actually felt reassuring that he thinks about those types of things sometimes, too…

We are still just getting to know each other.

Baby steps.

We’re jumping into a pretty huge adventure together.

Baby steps.

Both of us learning something new.

Exploring that side of ourselves together.

We’re being straightforward-honest with each other and, in that, vulnerable to the core.

As far as I’m concerned, so far so good! 😀

Mr. X told me, “We’re building a skyscraper and we can’t do that overnight. We’re on the 2nd floor. Be patient.”

Baby steps.

7 responses to “Baby Steps

  1. beautifulmess7 says:

    I have to tell you that “honesty” is a thin disguise for a person with no tact or empathy. I’m not impressed…

  2. Cinn says:

    I can’t imagine a lover, much less a Dom, rating me sexually….. More than that, sharing that he did so…. AND my rating.

    A Dom strives to build up, not tear down…. If that is how he accomplishes improving your skills at pleasing him, that is a huge fail.

    • He’s never been a Dom before, we are learning this together.

      I am not defending his behavior and I really hope he never tells me something ‘bad’ in this manner ever again. We talked about it, he knows how it made me feel. If he doesn’t learn from it, then it’s a bad thing.

  3. […] Last Friday, at breakfast, Mr. X told me he thought *I* was going to break up with *him* […]

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