Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Giving Into Temptation

on January 20, 2016

timegiven-300x224Monday morning I caved. I reached out to Alaska.

To be honest, I actually sent him a text Friday morning about my horrible “coffee” date Thursday night. His text response was, “That’s why I don’t date.” Then he called me about 15 minutes after that to check on me and make sure I was actually okay. (At this point, I had not yet made arrangements to have drinks with Rock Star.)

It was bad that Alaska called. I shouldn’t have answered. He was sweet and attentive and concerned. It made me think about him and his bed and his arms and our conversations… He’s a comfortable place that I wanted to return to. Hanging up with him was difficult because all I wanted to do was ask if I could see him.

Shortly after that, I received a text from Rock Star and we made plans for later in the evening.

And, after my “successful” Friday night “date”, I figured I was moving a good way in the direction of putting Alaska behind me. (I rush things, I know)

Saturday I was on Cloud 9 and Sunday I thought it was super-dreamy that Rock Star wanted to meet with me again so soon.

Then Sunday night happened… Rock Star with his excuse that he was in love with another woman and, even though it was only a virtual relationship, he felt like he was cheating on her.

In a weird way, Rock Star left me with a feeling akin to a broken heart Sunday night. I know he didn’t break my heart. It was already broken. He just kinda poked at one of the more tender spots.

Regardless, that “tender spot” wanted something familiar: Alaska.

Monday morning he was promptly there to answer… In his familiar way…

Only this time, his familiar way brought me comfort instead of frustration.



12 responses to “Giving Into Temptation

  1. This is what’s dangerous, and I’m fighting it every day as well. Reaching out is one thing, but reaching out because you need that comfort gets you (us!) down the rabbit hole…. I’ve been in contact with Tony so it’s not that I’m saying you have to no-contact (it’s easier, though), but I haven’t reached out to him when something shitty happens with someone else… I think it takes me to a place that’s bad for me. Just my proverbial 2 cents. At least you recognize why you did it!!

    • smitten says:

      Oh, Ann! I can’t even know how you are able to have the strength that you do. As cheesy as it sounds, I admire your fortitude. You must have an old soul to be able to understand and conquer your feelings as you do.

      Anyway… I try to let life direct me and, right now, life seems to be pushing me towards something. I guess I am choosing to see that something as Alaska. This morning, when I opened up my GPS to look at traffic, his address popped up as the very first one in the list of frequent places (emboldened and everything) – I haven’t been there since the 4th! I haven’t even looked it up! Also, his actual concern when he called me last Friday… He is the one now that needs to make the next move, then I will see how I feel.

      Even though it might seem like I don’t listen to you guys and take what you say into consideration, I totally do. Your words help me to think through things and see things in a way I might not have been able to. Thank you! ❤

      • Not sure about my fortitude… I’ve been trying to make better decisions. Perhaps that’s strength.

        One thing I will say is perhaps you shouldn’t read too much into his concern for you that night. Seems just basic human decency, no? Be careful. I’ve found at times I’ve sounded like you, to justify what at my core I wanted to do, whether it was good for me or not. Good luck figuring things out.

        • smitten says:

          You’re correct and, Thank You!
          When I feel I should go back to Alaska, I have a couple of posts here that I should read to remind myself. The New Year breakup one, for example. It might help me to revisit my feelings for those several days.

  2. sassygirl40 says:

    I hope you are able to move on from Alaska. Did you notice that in that text you were reaching out to him in need and he turned it around and you were left comforting him. I don’t think you will get what you want/need/deserve from him. Hold out for something better!

    • smitten says:

      I totally see your point and I never looked at it that way. He could have been playing on my need to take care of him, but that was the second time I reached out. Last Friday, he called me to check on me and displayed genuine concern for my emotional needs.

      I am holding out for him to make the next move, and continuing on with living my life. Sassy, I really DO hear what you are saying and your words and many others’ greatly influence the choices I make. XOX – thank you!

      • sassygirl40 says:

        I really do hope you hold out for someone worthy of you. Through your posts I see you continually giving so much to the men who have been in your life. You take care of their needs and wants far more than your own. You deserve that in return and that man is out there..just don’t be busy with Mr Wrong when Mr Right comes around!

Talk to me :-)

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