Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

How Do I Like Me…

I enjoy being with a partner who loves me as much as I love me.

But, even though I think I love myself quite a lot, the reality of it is:

I only like myself

I really, really like myself a lot, though!

I’m fun to hang out with; I’m witty, smart, fucking adorable, easy to get along with…

I can even hang out with myself for extended periods of time.

Quite an accomplishment, right?

But, apparently, I don’t really love myself.

Because I only truly enjoy the company of a partner who only really, really likes me, too.



Big Shot by Queen Rude


What Do I Bring to the Table?


I have been struggling to figure out what strengths I bring to a relationship. I know what *I* want and need, but what do I have to offer?

Everything I put on that list just seems plain fucking ‘cheesy’ to me:

  • I am a good cook/I can bake yummy things
  • I can take care of myself/be independent
  • I’m curious/adventurous
  • I take fairly good care of myself and am healthy
  • I’m a good teacher and good student (if it’s something I want to teach/learn)
  • I’m intelligent/articulate and want to communicate with my partner
  • I have a good sense of humor
  • I am (relatively) stable
  • I fancy myself to be good in the sack 😉

Are those actual things, or do I have the wrong idea?


Monday Motivation: Imagination



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Lies of Omission

A lie is not in the words or the lack of words, it’s in the intention of the deceiver; the intent is to elicit a specific response from the asker. Is an omission only a lie when there is an expectation of a truthful answer to a question, where the answer was deliberately used to obfuscate the truth? A deliberate omission can be considered a lie if the lack of information alters outcomes, be it discernment or decision. You do not owe everyone your innermost life story, but if you are withholding relevant information in order to sway a person’s judgment in some way, then it appears you are in fact lying to him or her.

Excerpt from: When Does The Omission Of Truth Become A Lie? – Ashley Fern

Lying with words

Silent Lies

“…There were a few times that my husband and I had happy moments, and occasional sex. Did I volunteer that information to my lover? No. Were those lies of omission, when we were both married?…” Excerpt from Deceit and Lies by Ann St. Vincent


“People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself, from then on, to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on…There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.”

Excerpt from: When Does The Omission Of Truth Become A Lie?


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A week is too long!

Sometimes I think I can be strong and wait the entire week to talk to my Loverman.

Most of the time I am wrong.

Don’t ask me why I do this – maybe to test my “strength”? I am always afraid that he is going to get sick of me, so I don’t want to make a pest of myself. Plus, I tell myself that if he wants to (or he’s not busy) he will call.One week I actually made it from Sunday afternoon to the following Saturday morning without talking to him! I sent him a couple sexy texts on Wednesday and Thursday – because I was REALLY thinking about him and stuff. But by the time I actually talked to him, I had already had two complete emotional breakdowns and enough tequila to knock out a young elephant! (j/k – I was just dreaming about having that much tequila – doh… but I am serious about the emotions. Man, that hormone roller-coaster gets me every single time. And DAMN, cleaning up the mess it leaves can really sting!)

So this week again, I’m probably not going to get to see him until Saturday night, but that’s the nature of this beast.
<sigh> another whole week of waiting
As you can read, I have survived before and I shall survive again! It helps that right now I am in a mood that says: “Why waste my few short times of happiness with him wishing that there was more?” (Last night’s amazing phone sex aside…) This week it looks like I can manage without the tequila!

One of the things about Loverman that I am the most thankful for is: the longer he and I are together, the more I become capable of dealing with the sad things and dwelling on the happy things. He really has helped me grow as a person (however, he is just as catty as I am when it comes to judging overweight people who can’t dress…) — I know it isn’t him that helped me grow, not intentionally anyway… But I understand that it’s the choices I make about how I look at things that allowed me to grow within myself. Regardless, I spend a lot less time now lamenting what could/should have been and a lot more time being thankful for what I really do have.

My Sexy Loverman is really the person that brought about that change in my attitude.

The world is too random. I have no idea what will happen in the next 5 minutes and I have a tendency to be a bit “fatalistic” (I call it realistic. The husband says otherwise – but I really don’t care what he thinks anyway).

Sometimes, I can’t maintain “my inner peace” and I feel like my world has pretty much shattered to pieces around me. But, that’s really only about 4 days a month and I know those days are bound to be looming out there for everyone. So, I “hunker down” and try to tell myself that I will only feel this way for a couple more days. Nothing is wrong with the way things are, just the way I am looking at them – and that will change very soon…

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