Before dinner last Thursday evening, we were having a discussion on the power of positive thinking…
It’s true, there isn’t anything you want that you can’t have.
Yes there is.
There is? Tell me what you want that you can’t have.
I’m right here, aren’t I?
Thursday night I received a text from Alaska out of nowhere. It had been 6 days since my 10PM panicked call to him while I was trying to sort out what happened with MM. When he didn’t follow up with me afterward, I wasn’t surprised (I was kind of hoping he wouldn’t anyway) – it’s not like I left him a voicemail or sent him a text or anything…
Friday night he messaged me again, asking what I was doing. I was on my way to a date so I told him I was going to dinner (no lies this time). Alaska was doing laundry… It was a quick and simple conversation.
Saturday he was quiet, so I figured he had given up..
As my emotions start to clear out of my head a bit, I am less confused on some things and more on others: less about TC and more about me.
Actually, TC is quite simple here. He’s not even being mean about it. He’s just being himself and I can’t fault him for that. He’s vulnerable with me in the ways he’s comfortable being vulnerable with me when he feels comfortable. It’s only confusing to me because he can be so open, but then he becomes so closed off. It’s like a switch is flipped, turning things inside of him on and off in an instant. I am not really defending him as much as stating a fact.
I changed a previous post, not by much, but I think that this version is better.
I want you to help rub out the kinks.
I want you to scratch the itches I can’t reach.
I want your arms to pull me close when I’m crying.
Even if neither of us knows why.
Because, with you, I feel safe and protected.
I want you to help me find myself when I am lost.
I want your inner calm when I am too upset to think clearly.
I want your attentiveness.
Respond to me.
I want your gratitude.
I want your reciprocation.
Tell me you want me, too.
I want your inclusion.
I want your love.